

                               BARDO

                                 or

                  Journey to the Great Liberation

                   (being Part Three of Journey;
             Part I being Odyssey; or Journey to Earth,
             Part II being the Gnostic Gospel of John)



                 this part dedicated to Pedro Sena
                    who wrote the first 25 lines

                   Walking down the dark corridor
                            Take a step
                              (pause)
                              insecure
                               afraid
                              careless
                         Take another step
                              (pause)
                                fear
                               desire
                              unknown

                      C'mon, take another one
                            ok, ok, ok,
                              I did it
                        the corridor is dark
                          what's out there
                        I can't see a thing
                           is anyone here
                        is anyone, out there

                          Try another step
                         it won't hurt you
                        it's only your mind
                             your heart
                         you think too much
                                ....
                 Take another step            P.S.
                                ...
                            That's right
                          c'mon, its easy
                      it's just dark at first
                       after your eyes adjust
                      you'll see many wonders
                        and won't have time
                            to be afraid
                                ...
                         Don't think about
                  all the things *they* taught you
                      they weren't even close
                     the truth's more fantastic
                         than they can ever
                            hope to know
                                ...
                            That's right
                        don't think about it
                       just follow the voice
                      don't look left or right
                      no matter what you think
                              you see
                                ...
                       It's all in your mind
                                ...
                            Don't worry
                            if you fall
                         even if you think
                       someone has pushed you
                         just get up again
                        no one's pushed you
                            but yourself
                           remember that
                                ...
                            The screams
                        of the pasts ghosts
                             haunt you
                        I can see you cower
                         I can see you fall
                            Get up again
                         Quick get up again
                        No one can hurt you
                            but yourself
                           remember that
                        NO ONE CAN HURT YOU
                            BUT YOURSELF
                                ...
                         Slowly now slowly
                        What is fear we ask
                         What is the answer
                     when even a Shao Lin monk
                             knows fear
                         Fear preserves us
                             accept it
                             observe it
                               use it
                                ...
                              (pause)
                                ...
                                eyes
                            eyes assault
                       from out the darkness
                            eyes aflame
                     do not pry your gaze away
                        look into those eyes
                   they are telling you something
                      something very important
                                ...
                             these eyes
                           like lanterns
                             these eyes
                           like fireflies
                             these eyes
                         like consciousness
                             these eyes
                          like inner truth
                     projecting from the outer
                             to within
                                ...
                        don't you see it yet
                                ...
                         look into the eyes
                                LOOK
                         they are your eyes
                      they are your anger eyes
                      they are your love eyes
                      they are your hate eyes
                    they are your eyes of hunger
                          eyes of longing
                            eyes of lust
                 they are the eyes of your survival
                the eyes of your success and failure
                  the eyes of what you want to be
                      the eyes of what you are
                            look at them
                           eyes of tears
                         eyes of witnesses
                            eyes of joy
                          eyes of torment
                     eyes of self gratification
                          eyes of beggars
                        eyes of politicians
                          eyes of the seer
                       eyes of the blind man
                eyes of what you do not want to see
                     eyes that pierce you like
                              a dagger
                               nails
                               vision
                                ...
                       do you understand yet
                     do not cower in the corner
                        that cannot help you
                   the eyes will never leave you
                                 up
                               get up
                    rise like a cloud of knowing
                    like a lion heaves his heart
                        like a proud warrior
                            facing death
                            use the fear
                        use it to advantage
                        do not let the eyes
                           stare you down
                                ...
                               get up
                             yes get up
                         take another step
                             do not run
                   whatever you might wish to do
                             do not run
                       slowly plot your path
                     do not let the past ghosts
                     lead you to the wrong path
                          the path of life
                             and death
                        the path of rebirth
                          and of suffering
                     the path that lead nowhere
                            but a circle
                       like a snake devouring
                               itself
                         but lead yourself
                             defiantly
                          past the ghosts
                        that stalk your past
                      past the eyes that sharp
                         as bone splinters
                             tear your
                            heart apart
                         past the darkness
                             into light
                           past the eyes
                        past the awful eyes
                            that no one
                          notices but you
                                ...
                               get up
                           drag yourself
                           if you have to
                          but do not stay
                              defeated
                            do not cower
                            do not cower
                         like a frightened
                           self-defeated
                         stranger in a wood
                        but gather yourself
                         gather your senses
                          gather purposes
                      from every part of life
                              and love
                         and what you want
                          and what you are
                        and what you have to
                           make yourself
                             to survive
                          because survival
                         is the common goal
                         and your survival
                         is a vital portion
                            of necessity
                                ...
                        there is no purpose
                        for those who resign
                         themselves to fate
                                ...
                          fate is nothing
                        if it's not your own
                                ...
                          don't you see it
                           don't you see
                        beyond the precipice
                           that threatens
                           your survival
                                ...
                         for you to see it
                       you must own yourself
                            you must not
                        condescend to others
                          you must not say
                       I am lost in this wood
                            and the lion
                          and the serpent
                             tear at me
                          you must not say
                             I am alone
                           and I am lost
                         and I will soon be
                        captured by the lion
                     and devoured by the snake
                          you must not say
                               oh woe
                       there is nothing left
                        fate has done me in
                          fate has forced
                           the final blow
                       death is what is left
                               to me
                             cold death
                            empty death
                         death that is not
                             honorable
                       death that is a misery
                           carrion death
                          flesh for beasts
                        to gorge themselves
                                upon
                                ...
                    you must not resign yourself
                        to such pale shadows
                        of the human spirit
                        instead you must say
                    with force and understanding
                        with a lion's heart
                      with a serpent's tongue
                     I am not lost in this wood
                            and the lion
                          and the serpent
                         do not tear at me
                          indeed they have
                        become a part of me
                       and I partake of their
                       pride and strength and
                               honor
                         you tell yourself
                           I am not alone
                         and I am not lost
                         and I will soon be
                         one among the lion
                     and one among the serpent
                          and you must say
                            oh great joy
                      there is a new beginning
                     fate has given me new hope
                    fate has forced a reckoning
                       the new understanding
                   a new chance has been given me
                    a new life has been granted
                               to me
                    cold death hath no dominion
                  empty death hath no effect on me
                    honorable life will triumph
                       over death that is not
                             honorable
                       life will triumph over
                       death that is a misery
                           carrion death
                       will not be my demise
                          flesh for beasts
                        to gorge themselves
                         upon I will not be
                       instead I will be one
                        with the new nature
                    that has been borne unto me
                            wise nature
                                ...
                        This is what you say
                     and you say it to yourself
                          and you speak it
                            to the gods
                         and the upper gods
                        and the lesser gods
                           and the demons
                           and those who
                           would be gods
                        and those who would
                           more than gods
                             be demons
                          and most of all
                       you say it to yourself
                       not that others might
                         like the hypocrite
                          shouting prayer
                         in a public place
                        but like a man alone
                      crying in the wilderness
                        that no one but the
                           vultures hear
                      and understand the voice
                          that is survival
                                ...
                          that is how the
                           carrion-eaters
                           stay far away
                       that is how the snakes
                        will not devour you
                      that is how the scorpion
                       digs deeper into sand
                        so as not to injure
                      the soles of steady feet
                            that is how
                     lion thirsty for the water
                            in a drought
                       gives priority to you
                           a lesser being
                         but a thirsty one
                         who longs for life
                         beyond the bounds
                        of earthly endeavors
                      that is how the vulture
                             the snakes
                            the scorpion
                             the lions
                     recognize a superior being
                        one that they revere
                         one that will not
                             harm them
                     and one they will not harm
                        but mutually worship
                       life that goes beyond
                      the clinging wilderness
                         of lost endeavor
                                ...
                               there
                           now do you see
                                yes
                             rise rise
                       like a mountain rises
                           from the earth
                   like a penis rises to address
                      the nature of commitment
                             to his sex
                        rise proud and free
                        and make your peace
                         not just with god
                         but with your own
                         and with yourself
                                ...
                       rise to see the light
                          the brilliantly
                           blinding light
                         you have to shield
                        your mortal eyes to
                           though painful
                       you will learn to see
                          beyond the pain
                          beyond the blind
                            sharp flash
                         that startles you
                           but rise to it
                        rise tall and proud
                     and do not fear the light
                          that is no enemy
                          but is a friend
                         rise to the solar
                     principle of regeneration
                     that the universe presents
                                ...
                        tell me what you see
                      tell me the plain truth
                       tell me what you hear
                    tell me of the magic moment
                      tell me of the symphony
                              of sound
                    that is not but is yet sound
                         beyond the clamor
                         we have understood
                       but rather we defined
                              as music
                   how much sweeter is the music
                            you hear now
                         how much brighter
                           are the images
                   how much perfect the emotions
                  how much gentler is the nudging
                         to refused reality
                                ...
                            You are lost
                   but you are on a great journey
                       this is your beginning
                            not your end
                        confused you will be
                           clear of mind
                           dizzy you will
                     once again be sure of foot
                        frightened you will
                         find your courage
                          twisted wavering
                        you will once again
                         regain your center
                                ...
                         Hear the voices in
                              the wind
                          hear the howling
                           voices whisper
                       what you did not hear
                               before
                         listen while they
                            speak to you
                         Each bold portion
                            of your life
                          before your eyes
                             a panorama
                          of all that was
                            allotted you
                        and what you brought
                         to this allotment
                        and how you will be
                        judged by the eagle
                           and the scales
                      this is what you do not
                            want to hear
                           but you cannot
                            fail to hear
                        just as you covered
                             your eyes
                           but still saw
                       you cover you burning
                        ears and still hear
                     there is nowhere to escape
                          nowhere to hide
                        all inside your head
                          these voices are
                           it is you who
                            project them
                        in the oracle wind.
                                ...
                         The voice of your
                           father/mother
                           the blue light
                      burning like a backwards
                           beacon through
                        your sorrowful heart
                       but slowly you refine
                              yourself
                       on your journey inward
                             to the out
                      The voice of your death
                          as well as birth

                      1st Voice: See him waver
                    This is not the one we knew
                               before
                        This is not the one
                         strong like a bull
                        and proud as a lion
                        this is not the one
                       who fought for breath
                       and life when entering
                         the great sangsara

                     2nd Voice: But yet this is
                      This strange disparaged
                         being incapable of
                       knowing which to chose
                     incapable of understanding
                        what is not expected
                               of him

                       3rd Voice: But he will
                    See him try to comprehend us
                     See him curious as to what
                         these shadows are
                       that dance around his
                          heavy shoulders
                         burdened with the
                           hard confusion
                         he did not expect

                    2nd Voice: You may be right
                      This one did not expect
                            the journey
                      it was not old age that
                         claimed his breath
                        Rather full of youth
                         and with vitality
                        he lost his footing
                        on the slope of life
                      I think in time he will
                         collect his senses
                     See his eyes stare darkly
                        He does not yet know
                           where this is

                 1st Voice: Then let us provide him
                        with a clear choice
                      Let us show him what the
                      journey is that he must
                          now proceed upon
                      The night is almost over
                      and the First day dawns
                     Let us see what he will do
                          When confronted
                        with the other forms

                    2nd Voice: Our purpose here
                              is done
                    We will watch him from afar
                        our shadows seem to
                           frighten him.

                          CHORUS - Father

                         The work was hard
                             this fall
                         Your brother left
                            for the city
                      to find more steady work
                      I guess a farmer's life
                           has no appeal
                           for those that
                         learned the finer
                         arts of urban rush
                           in their fine
                          foreign schools
                           after all the
                           labour's hard
                           and is unpaid

                     there's little an old man
                          now can do alone
                        some neighbors came
                         and helped us with
                            the harvest
                         and we gathered in
                          enough providing
                           for the family
                          but little else
                              for sale
                          so money will be
                               scarce
                           I cannot blame
                            your brother
                       for trying to provide
                           a better life
                            for himself
                           and his family
                           his education
                        should not be wasted
                           he worked hard
                       to get through school
                           he should get
                          whatever he can
                           for his skills
                           I think that I
                        had I his education
                         would do the same

                        but at the same time
                           I cannot help
                           be sad at the
                         demise of what we
                          had as tradition
                           in our family
                         for ages upon ages
                       and you as the oldest
                          always said that
                           you would stay
                          and carry on the
                       work that we have made
                            our heritage

                       Now that you are gone
                        I see no clear skies
                              up ahead
                          the farm already
                           needs repairs
                           and an old man
                         with little money
                           cannot do what
                           needs be done

                         Your mother still
                            sheds tears
                           at the thought
                       you you having passed
                             beyond the
                         gates of no return
                          They ask me now
                          that since there
                             is no heir
                            who wants to
                           till the soil
                           if I will not
                         just sell the farm
                         and finally submit
                        myself to my old age

                       But that is not my way
                          You were always
                           aware of that
                    When you were still with us
                           it was you who
                       gathered in the crops
                          and provided for
                             the elders
                      and we were flourishing

                          Now it's such a
                          different story
                       I always thought that
                             I would be
                          the first to go
                         but can it really
                           matter matter
                             in the end

                            The more you
                          nurtured back to
                        health is sick again
                       We had the vet come in
                          and take a look
                      and with a grievous face
                           he argued that
                         there was no hope
                         I have not made a
                            decision yet
                      but soon it must be done
                         I have called the
                          factory and they
                      will send someone around

                       To supplement the crop
                       the sow is fat enough
                          and will be sold
                      the auction is next week
                      and I have already made
                            arrangements

                         From where I stand
                        I can see the women
                        working in the yard
                       and the smoke already
                          rises thick from
                            chimney tops
                      Soon the snows will come
                      and then the long nights
                            will appear
                          It will be empty
                         there without you
                          Who will listen
                         to my stories now
                           who will laugh
                        at a father's jokes

                         Yesterday evening
                           at the tavern
                             I spoke to
                            Old Antoine
                         and he anticipates
                          a hard and snowy
                               winter
                        He says that the air
                          smells as it did
                         when the last cold
                            winter came
                            Old Antoine
                           with his nose
                         he's always right

                          This year's wine
                        is soft and warm and
                         yes you would have
                            like it much
                       Georges put some aside
                              for marc
                      that will serve us well
                      with the coming weather

                     Of course the government's
                       talking about putting
                       more taxes on the marc
                         and the number of
                        bottles we can make
                           and of course
                        everybody gets upset

                          I sometimes wish
                       that I had bought that
                      vineyard a few years ago
                           It would have
                          brought in more
                         that cabbages and
                             vegetables
                          but then if not
                          for us who would
                       grow the things to eat
                         we all can't be as
                          poor Gaston and
                      drink ourselves to sleep

                        I have begun carving
                           another horse
                          in my spare time
                       The new horse will be
                             a Pegasus
                       and it will have wings
                        and it will have the
                         hope that somehow
                          we will fly away
                        together in another
                          world and find a
                         greater peace that
                          is in heaven or
                              on earth

                         But my spare time
                           seems to have
                          just flown away
                          I never knew how
                         little I had done
                       for those three years
                            when you had
                         handled everything
                           but even then
                           I was at peace
                          I knew the shape
                             of things
                          and I definitely
                           thought I knew
                             the future


                       How wrong a man can be
                           A future least
                         anticipated crept
                          upon us when we
                           least expected
                         and in a flash of
                             lightening
                          carried you away

                        Your wife has taken
                       the children with her
                        to visit her parents
                            in the city
                      until all the difficult
                      arrangements can be made
                      There are so many things
                             to settle
                        It's a wonder anyone
                              can cope

                            This morning
                         The priest came by
                          and offered his
                        condolences for what
                     must be the hundreth time
                         I don't want to be
                            rude to him
                     but you know what I think
                          of his religion
                        We have strong roots
                         that go back when
                         the good men taught
                        There is little the
                    village priest can offer me
                     He seems to have a calming
                        effect on the women
                       and so I tolerate his
                             platitudes
                          He tried to say
                      that you are safely now
                             in heaven
                      You and I spoke of this
                      before and neither of us
                     thought there was a heaven
                        I know you had some
                   difficult Ideas from the books
                              you read
                     books I hardly understood
                      Of late spend some time
                     in your library and wander
                             among them
                    they have a soothing effect
                        but my eyes are bad
                         and I don't think
                    they can offer anything new
                    to a man who tills the land

                    A week ago we heard from the
                      officer who investigated
                           your accident
                        and he is trying to
                     convince us now that your
                    accident was not an accident
                       He maintains that you
                       could not have to that
                     remote part of the ravine
                     without having come there
                   for a 'personal misadventure'
                       I cannot believe that

                          You were such a
                      personally satisfied man
                      You loved your wife and
                    children and would have had
                        no reason to do that
                      It had to be an accident
                          Plain and simple
                       And I believe that you
                      did have a purpose being
                           where you were
                        I wish that you had
                            told someone

                        You are not the man
                     who abandons father mother
                         wife and children
                          in such a manner
                      There is nothing I keep
                            telling them
                   that would have possessed you
                        to even contemplate
                            such an act
                           No I tell them
                           they are wrong
                      and that you were there
                         because you needed
                      like so many other times
                       to be alone and think
                         I can only see it
                        that you fell asleep
                      and the brakes loosened
                            on the slant
                          and you plunged
                           to your death
                            on the rocks
                         scattered far below

                     I know you loved that spot
                      You loved to look across
                          the vast valley
                           and point out
                     all the different villages
                      even when you were a boy
                         I recall especially
                       when the fog rolled in
                         across the valley
                       How you loved the fog
                      You had such an affinity
                       with closed in spaces
                        and you said the fog
                     transcended all experience

                        It was foggy the day
                          you passed away
                      I will never forget that

                         If you can hear me
                       Wherever you might be
                          It has been hard
                            on all of us
                       I cannot convey to you
                      what your passing meant
                      It is hollow in my heart
                       It is hollow in all of
                            our hearts.

                                 *

                     THE FACE-TO-FACE ENCOUNTER
                    WITH THE BENEVOLENT AGENCIES

                      For one and a half days
                      as if waking from a fast
                    desperate tired discouraged
                       lost alone and frozen
                      by the damp ground-swell
                       of a merging universe

                        Oh what has happened
                  In what strange land do I reside
                 Where are my father and my mother
                     Where my wife and children
                    I though I saw them weeping
                          I spoke to them
                       They could not hear me
                     I was among them and they
                          could not see me
                           I touched them
                     and they could not feel me

                     What strange land is this
                    What strange departed realm
                     where nothing is as seems
                        where no life stirs
                         except in shadows
                   But there is at the same time
                          such a stillness
                   such a clear transparent light

                      I feel I know this place
                     But the familiar is so far
                       from me I can't recall
                         Was I here before
                    Did I dream this in a dream
                        Am I dreaming still

                          I am so confused
                     I recall voices yesterday
                   They attempted to speak to me
                     But my mind was not clear
                 I think they spoke about a journey
                          A great journey
                    A great transforming journey
                    That I yet can't comprehend
                         I don't wish to go
                        I am cold and tired
                       I have no energy left
                       I want to turn around
                           I want to run
                     I want to return to those
                     I have spent my life with
                     Those I have come to know
                      As my own callused hands
                      But there's no returning
                          Not the way I am
                    I don't know if there every
                  will be again a joyous gathering
                    among those friends of mine
                           those parents
                              my wife
                            my children
                     Do they wonder where I am
                 Do they panic at my disappearance
                            Do they know
                         Do they understand
                            Do they weep
                        I know I am not dead
                         I can see my body
                   I can feel discomfort and pain
                        I am still the same
                       as I have always been
                    I am just in a strange land
                 I cannot return from whence I came
                            I must go on
                            I must go on
                          I must go on...
                                ...
                         A deep blue light
                              appears
                         suddenly startled
                        he sees the image of
                      the great Manifester of
                     Phenomena arrayed in white
                 and seated on a great lion throne
                      holding a great glowing
                         eight-spoked wheel
                            the wheel of
                          sovereign power
                            the wheel of
                           life and death
                      of the cycle of the all
                       He is embraced by the
                        by the Mother of the
                          Space of Heaven

                        Astounded and in awe
                        the traveller stops
                          he does not know
                    what reaction he should have
                     should he fear this grand
                      phenomenon or should he
                     bow with reverence in his
                      heart already shattered
                       with the grief of loss
                      and little understanding
                          he does not move
                         he does not speak
                         he wishes to speak
                    but he cannot utter a sound
                         he is struck dumb

                    Then this great conglomerate
                  of gods begins a transformation
                   as their separate beings merge
                   into a composite of the father
                           and the mother
                       glorious in all aspect
                     radiant arrayed in a deep
                         blue light shining
                       dazzlingly transparent
                     until his eyes could stand
                     no longer the pain of this
                           sharp radiance

                    And from beyond the radiant
                   blue light and equally radiant
                      and piercing white light
                      strikes against his brow
                   it almost topples him against
                   the rock cliff and in a swoon
                     he manages to hold himself
                as if a great wind he could not feel
                 had beat against his fragile body

                   It was scarcely comprehensible
                        And the combination
                     struck a terror and a fear
                          within his heart
                         that no wild beast
                       could have such affect
                       Again wishing to flee
                      He felt his energy drain
                   But felt the dull white light
                       Pull him ever further
                              Into it
                        The dull white light
                          seemed to soothe
                      the terror that gripped
                       his palpitating heart

                         Then came a voice:
                          Be not startled
                         by the blue light
                        nor be in awe of it
                         It is the light of
                         the perfect being
                          the light of the
                           perfect wisdom
                      gather it firmly to you
                           believe in it
                    let its wisdom was o'er you
                          let it calm your
                           agitated brow
                          let it guide you
                      through the great ambush
                       of the of the journey
                    that has been chosen for you

                        But also be not fond
                      of the dull white light
                      Show no great attachment
                            to the light
                         If you do it will
                        envelop you and draw
                         you down into the
                        great dark whirlpool
                          of the ever-lost

                       Show no weakness here
                  Gather strength upon your being
                  Look not on the dull white light
                       But attach your faith
                      solely to the blue light

                         Speak this prayer:

                          'When wandering
                         in the wilderness
                       of longing and desire
                         May I be led upon
                    the path of full deliverance
                     by the great manifestation
                            of phenomena
                       May the divine Mother
                            of eternity
                        guard me in distress
                        May I be safely led
                         through the ambush
                            I encounter
                        with the white light
                            and the blue
                         May I be accepted
                        in the great oneness
                          that encompasses
                              the all'

                          If you fear not
                         and your heart is
                           he right place
                           you will enter
                            immediately
                          the realm of the
                             many-souls

                     While he said this prayer
                       Intense in his desire
                     The shape that did appear
                    a solid light soon vanished
                   and the darkness was immediate
                  and startling that the wanderer
                      lost all heart and cried
                        the cry of the child
                     in the darkness separated
                          from his mother
                          and his father.

                          Soon the voices
                             came again
                       slithering in shadows
                          in the twilight

                        1st Voice: it seems
                        he is still fearful
                      of the journey on ahead

                     2nd Voice: He will make it

                        3rd Voice: Should we
                             interfere
                       should we speak to him
                         what he may there
                             encounter

                         1st Voice: but he
                   hesitates at the first choice
                    His heart is not in the way
                       he speaks this prayer

                   2nd Voice: His heart is there
                        His fear obscures it
                     He prays because he fears
                              he must

                     3nd Voice: Then we should
                            instruct him
                      we should tell him what
                          will loom ahead

                     2nd Voice: This should be
                         done prior to his
                       venture It should have
                     been done by mortal voice

                         1st Voice: Listen
                          It is being done
                          But in a whisper
                       that he does not hear

                3rd Voice: Then let us be his guide
                  2nd Voice: Yea then let us guide
                  1st Voice: Let us guide his mind
                    Upon the journey to himself

                   1st Voice: See he has stopped
                 gathering the merit of the prayer
                   Quick tell him what transpires
                         on the second day

                          CHORUS - Mother

                           I continuously
                            weep in awe
                            of the death
                           that caps the
                           least-expected
                        moment of our lives

                            It is as if
                            the universe
                          had split in two
                          as if the motion
                           of the sun has
                              stopped
                             I remember
                            having nine
                           months carried
                              a burden
                             of regret
                           but not that I
                           regret it now
                          but at the time
                           it was a grave
                              mistake
                             we didn't
                           want the child
                          we couldn't yet
                              support
                              a child

                           we had a farm
                            to care for
                             but still
                            the pain of
                            giving birth
                              was such
                           that could be
                              salvaged
                            in a future
                             atmosphere
                             of service
                           to the father

                            Children are
                            meant to be
                             silent and
                              observe

                              my other
                              children
                             were like
                              diamonds
                                to a
                             prospector
                             they were
                               bright
                           and they were
                               clean

                            but this one
                           different as he
                          was was too much
                             different
                           and kept alone
                          he grew  himself
                               into a
                           solitary stone

                            but this one
                           this child was
                             differently
                           conceived and
                            different to
                              explain

                             he didn't
                              grow up
                              with the
                               others

                              he spent
                             such time
                              alone we
                           grew concerned
                            at his being
                           so much apart
                            from others

                           his schooling
                            was delayed
                               a year
                             because of
                              illness
                            it came upon
                               him so
                              suddenly
                            the doctors
                            thought that
                            he would die
                            they told us
                           there could be
                              no hope

                              I prayed
                          for his survival
                             six months
                            he was near
                             his death
                              in that
                               awful
                              hospital

                              each day
                              I would
                             faithfully
                             visit him
                            even though
                            the doctors
                            told me not
                              to come
                            but what do
                             they know
                           of a mother's
                                duty

                            maybe it was
                            that illness
                             which made
                           him different
                              from all
                             the others
                            I don't know

                             he always
                            played alone
                            even when he
                           was in a group
                            he would see
                              to be by
                              himself
                            never mixing
                               freely

                             his father
                              tried to
                              get him
                              involved
                              he would
                             build him
                             all kinds
                             of things
                           one christmas
                            we gave him
                          a toy train set
                           and his father
                             worked for
                          months building
                           an elaborated
                             table top
                              display
                         a fully automated
                          city with houses
                          lights and roads
                            his friends
                           came from all
                            over just to
                           watch and play

                           it was such a
                           wonderful time
                            but then the
                              war came
                           and my husband
                            was sent to
                             the front
                         a few months later
                           he was wounded
                          and almost died
                        I left the children
                          with my parents
                              and went
                            to his side

                            after he was
                             discharged
                            he went back
                            to help his
                            father tend
                              the farm

                         there wasn't much
                             of a crop
                             that year
                          but we survived

                            the children
                              attended
                            the village
                            school with
                           all the others
                          and they seemed
                         to integrate well

                            but for some
                         reason my youngest
                            became more
                           and more moody
                               silent
                          and obsessively
                              distant
                           from the rest

                         the school teacher
                           suggested that
                           we take him to
                          a doctor because
                            as she said
                         "he was upsetting
                           to the class"
                             she added
                           "he just isn't
                             attentive
                            he's always
                              nervous
                            and he can't
                            stay still"

                          we took the long
                            trip to the
                           city and there
                             my he was
                            examined by
                              a famous
                             doctor who
                           took us aside
                              angrily
                             and asked
                            "who wanted
                              this boy
                          to be examined?
                          there is nothing
                          wrong with this
                           child in fact
                             this child
                          is exceptionally
                               gifted
                         I would recommend
                         that you send him
                            to a school
                           in Switzerland
                           where he will
                           be integrated
                         with other gifted
                              children
                           the farm is no
                           place for this
                               child
                          and you are not
                            fit parents
                            to give this
                               child
                            the care and
                             education
                            he requires"

                           we were upset
                          and very shocked
                           at the doctors
                            insinuations
                            and we took
                            our son back
                            to the farm
                           and pretended
                            nothing had
                              happened

                           After that he
                           seemed to grow
                            up like most
                           other children
                           except that he
                          would read a lot
                            and he would
                            help out on
                              the farm
                           more than the
                               others
                             I think it
                           made him feel
                             good to be
                            alone in the
                               fields

                             even then
                             I wondered
                             often what
                            would become
                               of him
                              later on
                              in life

                             It was one
                             day after
                            he had been
                            away a week
                         that he announced
                            that he was
                          getting married
                           It was such a
                        sudden announcement
                            that we were
                            all in shock
                           we didn't even
                            know he had
                            a girlfriend
                              he never
                            attended any
                        of the local dances
                             and rarely
                              went out
                              with any
                         of the local girls
                            in fact many
                            other youths
                           laughed at him
                             because he
                           seemed to keep
                           away from all
                          the other youths

                          so that weekend
                          he introduced us
                           to this lovely
                         girl from the city
                         his father ribbed
                            him slightly
                         and then commented
                            on his good
                               taste
                          even though she
                            seemed to be
                          of good breeding
                        there was something
                           I did not like
                             about her
                           but he seemed
                            to be happy
                          and the wedding
                             took place
                         eight months later
                         their first child
                              was born

                          They lived down
                          the street in a
                           little cottage
                          and seemed to be
                            quite happy
                            and she came
                            over almost
                              each day
                            while he was
                            busy in the
                             fields and
                           helped me with
                          the cooking and
                            the cleaning

                          often they would
                         drive to the city
                       and leave the children
                              with us
                          which we didn't
                            really mind
                           they were both
                            well behaved
                             and quiet
                           the girl was a
                           bit more of a
                            problem than
                            her brother
                           who seemed to
                           take after his
                           father and be
                           quite studious

                            but I think
                        there were problems
                           although they
                           hid them well
                            there were a
                            few time she
                             and I had
                            disagreements
                            and then she
                           wouldn't come
                          over for a week
                               or so
                             my son the
                          diplomat always
                          tried to smooth
                            things over

                             I know she
                            didn't like
                           him staying on
                            at the farm
                           she was always
                           edging him on
                              to get a
                            "proper job"
                         one that gave him
                          some "challenge"
                          but I think one
                         where she could be
                           better served
                           she spent far
                         too much on fancy
                         clothes they could
                           hardly afford
                          he never had any
                         money for himself
                           in fact if we
                          hadn't provided
                        supplements of food
                           for them there
                          would have been
                          days they might
                         have went without

                          he didn't speak
                          of it but I know
                           he was offered
                         a job in the city
                       and was contemplating
                          it when he died
                            so suddenly
                           so needlessly

                           the final few
                          weeks before the
                         accident he would
                          drive up to the
                            point alone
                            early in the
                              morning
                             "to think"
                              he said
                              to think
                          think about what
                            I asked him
                          "life" he would
                             answer me
                           but never did
                             provide an
                            explanation

      
      
                                 *
      
                           THE SECOND DAY
      
                         On the second day
                    evil deed of past endeavors
                         will confront you
                        like a vast stinging
                           swarm of bees
                 They will buzz and tear your flesh
                   and you will think that there
                      is no tormenting greater
                     in the order of the worlds
                    or in the order of the hells
                          you fear so much
                       than you encounter now
      
                           You will cower
                       in the darkest recess
                     of the forest of the mind
                           you will cling
                          to melting rock
                           and tear your
                            burning hair
                        and blistering flesh
      
                       That is how the order
                        feels that you must
                     now endeavour to confront
      
                         It is you yourself
                   It is the stages of your past
                             evil deeds
                    there is nothing you can do
                          to stem the tide
                       of what transpires now
                          you must accept
                       the anvil of your sins
                       and only when accepted
                            as your own
                         will you be freed
                       of the glowing chains
                            of suffering
      
                        And when you slowly
                          regain your mind
                          through all your
                         blood-filled tears
                          that is when the
                            visions come
                         that is when your
                           second choice
                       confronts your sanity
      
                         the second choice
                         because the first
                       you were not ready for
                        this is how it goes
      
                         O wanderer so lost
                            and so alone
                               listen
                     on this second day dawning
                           the pure form
                           of the waters
                        will shine brightly
                          as a white light
                              piercing
                         through your heart
                           at this point
                       the 'great immovable'
                         will appear to you
                         from the deep blue
                          east surrounded
                           by a myriad of
                     female attendant goddesses
                          each arrayed in
                            shining gold
                          surrounded by a
                       sparking prayer wheel
                        the sparks of which
                          communicate with
                        the greater heavens
                          far beyond your
                            dulled human
                            intelligence
      
                         Be that as it may
                            Still you'll
                            witness all
                         through ignorance
                          or understanding
                          the great cycle
                        will present itself
                         and you will again
                         be stunned at its
                            magnificence
      
                       The mirror-like wisdom
                       now reflects your soul
                         within the radiant
                            white light
                        of the fathermother
      
                      It's dazzling brilliancy
                    effulgent with the substance
                             of desire
                           that you will
                        turn shield you eyes
                          with hands like
                    shields from dagger-thrusts
      
                        A dull smoke-filled
                         light will emanate
                             from Hell
                           and strike you
                            like a whip
                         piercing your skin
                            to the bone
                     and wincing pools of blood
                        will flood down your
                             appendages
                          mixing with the
                       bondage of the ground
                           you walk upon
      
                       Then through the power
                              of anger
                          a desperate fear
                         will envelope you
                          like burning fog
                          and through this
                            burning fog
                          a powerful white
                             light will
                            startle you
      
                      You will fear this light
                          you will want to
                            flee from it
                       you will be attracted
                            by the dull
                       smoke entrenched light
                              of hell
                        it will seem gentler
                         kinder in the face
                             of things
                        and you will want to
                         embrace this light
                         You will feel that
                       it is warm and it will
                            comfort you
                         But that is not so
                         indeed it is just
                            the opposite
                         It is the powerful
                       persuasion and it will
                            capture you
                        and strike you down
                       without you realizing
                         what has happened
      
                         Here the traveller
                             looked up
                        and seemed to slowly
                       grasp what his desire
                           wants the most
                          He seems to want
                    the path of least resistance
                   the path that leads from here
                        he still has little
                     understanding of the cause
                           and the effect
      
                                 No
                        do not embrace this
                            smoky light
                      rather embrace the white
                           light piercing
                             brilliant
                         full and startling
                           to the senses
                       Do not be afraid of it
                         stand toward the
                      white transparent light
                        Know and understand
                             this light
                          to be the light
                             of Wisdom
                        Put your faith in it
      
                        This light will not
                            deceive you
                     It will never harm a cell
                     within your trembling body
                      It is the guiding light
                         the graceful light
                       coming to receive you
                         It is grace itself
                      the saviour of the heart
                           of every being
                          in the universe
                      It has come to save you
                    from the terror and the fear
                        of transient desire
                      It has come to save you
                      from the circle and the
                      wheel of life and death
      
                         Again I say again
                         Do not be taken in
                         by the smoky light
                              of hell
                       This is the evil power
                            the illusion
                         that will send you
                        to eternal damnation
                    It is the violence of anger
                       wishing to embrace you
                            Cast it out
      
                        If you chose to fall
                       within its spider web
                         unbearable misery
                         will overwhelm you
                    and like a bull consumed by
                             quicksand
                           there will be
                             no escape
      
                        Therefore avoid the
                       dull flat smoky light
                       Refuse to be attracted
                        by its simple warmth
                            Flee from it
                            Flee from it
                                Flee
      
                          Show no wanting
                           thereto and no
                              weakness
      
                      Believe in the dazzling
                         brilliant piercing
                            white light
                        and resplendent with
                        a full desire and a
                           truthful heart
                     speak these sacred words:
      
                          'When wandering
                         in the wilderness
                       of longing and desire
                         May I be led upon
                    the path of full deliverance
                     by the great manifestation
                            of phenomena
                       May the divine Mother
                            of eternity
                        guard me in distress
                        May I be safely led
                         through the ambush
                            I encounter
                        with the white light
                            and the blue
                         May I be accepted
                        in the great oneness
                          that encompasses
                              the all'
      
                     Saying these sacred words
                        you will merge with
                     the rainbow-colored light
                       resplendent in itself
                         and representative
                      of the all-encompassing
                           you will enter
                      having done these things
                          the Realm of the
                             Ever-Happy
                       Sorrow will no longer
                           slow your pace
      
                          CHORUS - Brother
      
                          He was different
                          that's for sure
                          I remember when
                          my parents held
                          a birthday party
                              for him
                             and in the
                            midst of it
                           all the other
                          children formed
                          a circle around
                               him he
                          grew very sullen
                         and then ran away
                         We of course were
                            flabbergasted
                           we didn't know
                           what to think
      
                           he was such a
                           strange animal
                            always alone
                            always in a
                           different world
                            it was hard
                            at times to
                            think of him
                             as my own
                              brother
                           he never once
                           confided in me
                          never treated me
                         as his confidante
                          we were as apart
                          as night and day
      
                            at school he
                            was more of
                            the literary
                            "geeky" kind
                              you know
                            what I mean
                           he was always
                           into books and
                              the arts
                          and would hardly
                             ever even
                             come to a
                           sporting event
                          I guess the kids
                          teased him a lot
                           But one thing
                            I did notice
                          It never seemed
                         to bother him any
                            As if he was
                          almost oblivious
                         to the whole thing
      
                            I recall one
                           incident where
                           he was sitting
                         in the schoolyard
                           and some local
                        bullies were calling
                          him all sorts of
                         names and taunting
                             him but he
                        just kept on reading
                         until finally the
                          teacher on duty
                        admonished the kids
                         and they left him
                               alone
                          it seemed as if
                          he was in a kind
                           of "safe zone"
                         as if he was in a
                         world that no one
                          could touch him
                         Had that happened
                         to me I would have
                          been furious and
                          gone after them
                            But not him
                           As if it never
                              happened
      
                          I don't remember
                           him going out
                            much at all
                           he didn't date
                         unless we dragged
                             him along
                           and even then
                             he stayed
                             on his own
      
                           always rather
                           shy and stand-
                             offish or
                          at least that's
                          how it appeared
                              to many
                         maybe he was just
                          loner even then
                         maybe he was just
                           misunderstood
                         he sure seemed to
                          have turned out
                              alright
      
                          he did have this
                          one girl he hung
                           out with a lot
                          I don't remember
                            her name but
                          I think she was
                            as much into
                           art and books
                             as he was
                          they would spend
                           a lot of time
                           wandering the
                          woods or staying
                          over by the lake
                           mostly reading
                           and discussing
                               poetry
      
                            he did play
                             the guitar
                            and was good
                            enough at it
                            that a local
                           band asked him
                            to join them
                            but after a
                         terrible audition
                             (i'm sure
                         because of nerves)
                           he was turned
                           down and never
                            pursued that
                            route again
                            it's a shame
                               really
                          you should have
                           heard him play
                            really good
                               he was
      
                         after our father's
                              accident
                           he quit school
                         and stayed helping
                            on the farm
                          I think he loved
                              it there
                        alone in the fields
                         taking care of the
                               crops
                        he always took along
                               a book
                          mostly of greek
                          or latin poetry
                           I guess he was
                            a great help
                          in that respect
      
                             I went to
                        collage in the city
                            and to study
                            engineering
                        I was never partial
                            to farm life
                        just wanting to get
                            out of there
                            as soon as I
                              was able
      
                          So it was a real
                         shock when one day
                            he came home
                         with that pregnant
                            wife of his
                            (sure I knew
                            although my
                        parents didn't guess
                            until later)
                           and she was a
                            real looker
                              alright
                          long auburn hair
                          and a great bod
                           I never really
                            thought that
                           they belonged
                              together
                             he was so
                            introverted
                              and she
                             was quite
                            the opposite
                           and always in
                             pursuit of
                           higher social
                              standing
      
                            Although she
                            didn't much
                            speak of her
                           parents I know
                           that they were
                           from up north
                           and that they
                           had some land
                           and were quite
                              wealthy
                            It's still a
                           mystery how he
                         ever got involved
                              with her
                          I know that she
                         had been divorced
                             just prior
                               to his
                            meeting her
                           on one of his
                           rare trips to
                              the city
                           maybe she was
                           on the rebound
                            I don't know
                         It's just strange
                          that they should
                         have been together
      
                             but he did
                              love the
                              children
                              he spent
                          every available
                          moment with them
                          he could manage
                            I think they
                           were his great
                            joy in life
      
                             I know the
                            week he died
                            he and I had
                           a falling out
                         because he wanted
                          me to return and
                              help out
                            on the farm
                          he said it would
                       be a difficult harvest
                         and that he would
                         need all the help
                         that he could get
                         to make ends meet
                        and pay the mortgage
                          but I had my job
                       and other obligations
                          and it was just
                       impossible to get away
                         what with a child
                             on the way
                           taking on new
                         responsibilities
                          for the company
                         I'm not even sure
                        I would have done so
                          even if I could
                         the farm was never
                         my first priority
                         and I did not want
                       to waste my education
      
                        That had always been
                          a great argument
                             between us
                          he thought that
                          we should ensure
                       that the farm survived
                        and that the history
                            and heritage
                         of the family tree
                              survived
                           I could never
                          see it that way
                           Sure I love my
                          parents and it's
                           great to come
                            for a visit
                          Especially after
                          a stressful time
                       It's so relaxing there
                           but I wouldn't
                        be able to stand it
                          for more than a
                            week or two
                             after all
                           it's still so
                         primitive compared
                            to the city
                       I'd be bored to death
                          besides my wife
                        wouldn't be able to
                           stand it there
                     there's be nothing at all
                           for her to do
                                 No
                           The city's the
                            place for us
      
                       For my brother though
                          it was different
                        I always wanted him
                          to join me with
                            the company
                           and I think he
                           was seriously
                           considering it
                          the week of his
                            tragic death
      
                           There's really
                            little else
                           for me to say
                         I wish I knew him
                               better
                           maybe all this
                          talk of suicide
                          could be avoided
                           If you ask me
                        I just think it was
                            an accident
                           I don't think
                           he would have
                           been so stupid
                          Besides he loved
                       the farm and his kids
                      even if he had domestic
                         problems he would
                          have never even
                        contemplated such an
                           act especially
                        as long as the kids
                             were alive
                         and he was needed
                             by so many
      
                          I guess it could
                       have been hard on him
                      all this responsibility
                           at time even I
                         had to admit that
                       I admired his tenacity
                      But to give up like that
                               Never
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE THIRD DAY
      
                        If on the second day
                         you still have not
                         found the courage
                            and resolve
                           in your heart
                         and mind to let go
                       the wants and fetters
                          of the human lot
                         and have been cast
                          in obscurities
                        on the path you deem
                          to hold for you
                         no clear direction
      
                        If on the second day
                         you still want for
                          explanation and
                       assurances to appease
                      the terror in your heart
                       When because of pride
                      of love of common things
                       you still shrink from
                       embracing the fingers
                        of the rays of grace
                        through anger of the
                        taking-away from you
                       of something that was
                         never yours to own
                        If on the second day
                         these things still
                    prevent you from the seeing
                      and the all-encompassing
                   compassion that surrounds you
                        If on the second day
                     you still have a weakness
                     of the body and a weakness
                     of the mind and even more
                      have not merged yourself
                         in that effulgence
                           of the spirit
      
                        If on the second day
                      you still flee from this
                      the prominence of grace
      
                       Then on the third day
                      Resplendent on the path
                           of human light
                         stars and galaxies
                           and all things
                             that good
                              perfect
                           and desirable
                        the Beautifier will
                           appear to you
                      with his attendant-train
                          of spirit beings
                    perfect in their countenance
                         clothed in shining
                         like the plaidies
                         in the coal-black
                     darkness of the mortality
                       offering unconditional
                             acceptance
                      from within the splendor
                            of his heart
      
                         At this time also
                          the primal force
                              of earth
                         and of foundation
                             will shine
                              upon you
                        This is the element
                            of strength
                             and power
                        and of temples built
                         to higher purpose
      
                         This is the tower
                     no one ever will tear down
                     a beacon in the wilderness
                           a guiding star
                      for sailors who are lost
                          upon the odyssey
                              of life
      
                      This is the yellow light
                     The light of golden earth
                     That cannot be diminished
                  And it surrounds the Beautifier
                         Who appears to you
                    from the sector in the south
                       You will know him thus
                      He will appear as yellow
                        in the yellow light
                   and he will carry in his hand
                    the jewel of perfect wisdom
                       and he will be seated
                         on a horse-throne
                        embossed with pearl
                             and ivory
                      and he will be embraced
                         by the omnipotent
                       divinity of the great
                           mother goddess
                       who has given birth to
                           the great all
                          she of the eyes
                        which ever watching
                            ever present
                         ever understanding
                           ever haunting
                        in their penetration
                            of the truth
                       even when it is hidden
                             know this
                         and the Beautifier
                           he will shine
                          his light on you
      
                            Knowing this
                        you will find favor
                          but knowing this
                          and yet ignoring
                      what has here transpired
                          bodes great evil
                              bad omen
                           and a straying
                           from the path
      
                        And you will behold
                       a great rainbow light
                     and amidst this great arc
                    you will see the spirits of
                            the Sky-Womb
                          and the All-Good
                    and the Keeper-of-the-Rosary
                       and the Incense-Bearer
                    and they will emanate forth
                     these are the primal forms
                       the Wisdom of Equality
                     manifesting themselves as
                        brightly yellow orbs
                           summoning you
      
                         But also among the
                       brilliant yellow light
                       a dullish blue-tinged
                       yellow light will glow
                      as if warm and friendly
                      this is the light of the
                           corporal world
                  and even though attracted to it
                       and fearful to behold
                  the yellow-glow-of-wisdom light
                     because it is so powerful
                     do not allow your egotism
                      to enfeeble your attempt
                        at breaking through
                         to the fuller side
      
                        Therefor choose the
                          brilliant yellow
                           blinding light
                         It will sting you
                      like a thousand daggers
                         painful to behold
                         but it is the path
                        you must decide upon
                       and you must speak the
                        sacred words again:
      
                          'When wandering
                         in the wilderness
                       of longing and desire
                         May I be led upon
                    the path of full deliverance
                     by the great manifestation
                            of phenomena
                       May the divine Mother
                            of eternity
                        guard me in distress
                        May I be safely led
                         through the ambush
                            I encounter
                        with the white light
                            and the blue
                         May I be accepted
                        in the great oneness
                          that encompasses
                              the all'
      
                     Saying these sacred words
                        with great humility
                             and faith
                        you will merge with
                     the rainbow-colored light
                       resplendent in itself
                         and representative
                      of the all-encompassing
                         and you will enter
                      having done these things
                        the Southern Portion
                        of the ever-glorious
                       Sorrow will no longer
                     be a curfew in your heart
      
                          CHORUS - Sister
      
                         My younger brother
                            was a saint
                           he would never
                         have intentionally
                            hurt anyone
                         especially through
                        such insidious means
                          as what they are
                         Never in a million
                            years will I
                             believe it
      
                           He had a good
                         word for everyone
                           He always lent
                           a helping hand
                             Everybody
                          was fond of him
                            Even though
                        he liked to be alone
                          So what's wrong
                             with that
                          We all can't be
                              the same
      
                             He was an
                           enormous help
                           to our father
                            on the farm
                          in the last two
                            years after
                          after our father
                          had his accident
                            he ran every
                         facet of the farm
      
                        What I really think
                           was the matter
                        was that wife of his
                           He should have
                         never married her
                        she wasn't one of us
                           and she never
                          wanted to fit in
                          Sure she helped
                       out every now and then
                         but that was only
                          when she had to
                             come over
                           She never came
                         of her own accord
                           If you ask me
                          she's as much to
                           blame for the
                         accident as anyone
                            or anything
                         She distracted him
                            with all her
                           prodding about
                         moving to the city
                           She wanted him
                            to take up a
                          position in the
                            family firm
                           and he was so
                            reluctant to
                          leave my parents
                            knowing that
                           they could not
                         care for the farm
                             if he left
                           He always felt
                          that that would
                         have been a great
                               waste
                        and as he once said
                         "a desecration to
                           our heritage"
                       Yet on the other hand
                           look at it now
                           Perhaps had he
                            not worried
                            about it so
                           he would still
                           be alive today
      
                          Besides you can
                           see she didn't
                         hesitate to leave
                           as soon as the
                          funeral was over
                          Back to the city
                           with the kids
                         I don't think she
                            even mourned
      
                          It's a terrible
                        waste of a young man
                         especially someone
                         who had to much to
                           offer and upon
                        whom so many relied
                         I don't know what
                           we will do now
                        I guess we can last
                          at least a year
                        and my elder brother
                          won't come back
                         he's got too good
                         a job in the city
                        and he doesn't care
                         for farming anyway
      
                          I'll stay on to
                           help care for
                          my grandparents
                           and then when
                           they are gone
                           who knows what
                         Marriage children
                             who knows
                           I think that's
                           much too late
      
                          My brother and I
                          had a very good
                       and close relationship
                          I believe that I
                          was the only one
                            that he ever
                            confided in
                           I remember one
                           evening coming
                          from the fields
                          he was very much
                          depressed and he
                       said that he suspected
                         his wife of having
                           another lover
                         but as soon as he
                              said it
                          he took it back
                          and immediately
                            added that I
                          must never tell
                        another living soul
                          and that it was
                           probably just
                      his jealous imagination
                         and he should not
                        even think to think
                            such things
                            "Forgive me"
                              he said
      
                            I thought it
                           was a strange
                             way to act
                            To apologize
                          for something he
                             suspected
                          and then at the
                             same time
                         offer a retraction
                        but what I wondered
                           most about was
                          the "Forgive me"
                            He seemed so
                         unsure of himself
                           throughout the
                            final period
                            of his life
                           Something was
                            beginning to
                             change him
                           Something deep
                           inside him was
                         clawing itself to
                            the surface
                         and you could tell
                          he was grappling
                           with the devil
      
                         The only time you
                         ever saw him smile
                       was with the children
                          they became his
                            only solace
                        his only distraction
                            in this time
                             of duress
      
                           I felt for my
                        brother during this
                           difficult time
                           but he always
                           gave me a hug
                         and told me not to
                               worry
                          that whatever he
                           felt was only
                         a temporary thing
                         that soon it would
                           all be solved
                          and he would be
                          again the person
                            that I knew
                          I had no reason
                         not to believe him
                     he was always so positive
                            "if not now
                           then tomorrow"
                            he would say
      
                          One day he took
                           me on a drive
                         to the point where
                           later he would
                           find his death
                          It was the most
                       beautiful spot in all
                             the valley
                           and you could
                           see for miles
                           You could see
                           the mountains
                            to the south
                        and all the villages
                           scattered here
                             and there
                         He always told me
                            how he would
                        sneak out very early
                           at dawn while
                            his wife and
                        children were still
                         sleeping and come
                        up here when the fog
                         was still covering
                            the villages
                       and he would meditate
                           on the beauty
                         and the "substance
                            of creation"
      
                           He was always
                          a poet at heart
                           and I think he
                          always regretted
                       not having the higher
                           education that
                          his brother had
                        because to be honest
                      he was so much brighter
                       than my elder brother
                        and my elder brother
                       got all the advantages
                          but then he had
                             more drive
                         to succeed in the
                           outside world
                         my younger brother
                          never quite felt
                           comfortable in
      
                         He wasn't a great
                         conversationalist
                         preferring instead
                      to listen at gatherings
                             than talk
                         It was his manner
                          to sit dreamily
                            by the fire
                          with a pipe and
                        a cup of hot mulled
                        wine and just smile
                           at what others
                            spoke about
      
                          When younger he
                        wasn't very close to
                             our father
                          who at that time
                         spent most of his
                      time between the tavern
                           and the fields
                        and very little with
                             his family
                         I guess that's the
                            way of most
                        farmers around here
                       but after our fathers
                           accident they
                       somehow became closer
                        and he would listen
                     to father tell his stories
                       and at times he would
                           joke with him
                        they seemed to both
                        enjoy those moments
                          It seemed as if
                         they were becoming
                            two buddies
                           It was good to
                            see together
                             like that
                       it made my heart warm
      
                          But then so soon
                            the tragedy
                           that took him
                              from us
                         There seemed to be
                         nothing different
                        as he had often done
                          before I suppose
                         he went to see the
                          fog and meditate
                        he should have been
                           back and ready
                           for the fields
                          within the hour
                         but when he failed
                          to return we all
                            grew worried
      
                          It was I who led
                          them to the spot
                      father and I drove down
                            to see if he
                          was still there
                          At first we saw
                       nothing from the road
                           the sun was up
                          and it was quiet
                           and nothing to
                        indicate that there
                        had been any kind of
                              accident
                          Father wanted to
                        go back having been
                      assured that my brother
                            was not here
                        but I felt something
                       it was such a strange
                        ominous and terrible
                      frighteningly emotional
                              feeling
                         as if I could hear
                        him in the stillness
                         "He's here" I said
                         and I stepped out
                           of the car and
                        slowly walked toward
                             the cliff
                         it was then I saw
                           the tire marks
                        hidden by the fresh
                        dew bespeckled grass
                            A cold chill
                           ran through me
                        and when I saw down
                          below the cliff
                        the crumpled-up car
                            I collapsed
      
                             I came to
                          in fathers arms
                         and he was softly
                               crying
                           "We must return
                         and call a doctor"
                              he said
                            with a look
                         in his eyes which
                        told me immediately
                           that a doctor
                       would be of no service
      
                           The ride back
                       seemed to take forever
                       Father rushed into the
                          house and called
                          for an ambulance
                        and then the police
                           He drove back
                            to the cliff
                         to meet the police
                       while I stayed behind
                        and comforted mother
                           no one at this
                          time had thought
                         to notify his wife
                       and I decided I would
                      have to go and wake her
                         she had a habit of
                        sleeping on to noon
      
                          When I got there
                        the house was still
                        quiet and I knocked
                          I don't know how
                           many times and
                           how frantically
                       some of the neighbour
                        women came to their
                        windows and inquired
                         what was going on
                        I explained to them
                       that there had been a
                         terrible accident
                          When she finally
                          opened the door
                       in her night-gown and
                       still heavy with sleep
                          "Yes?" she asked
                         inquiringly as if
                        she hardly knew who
                               I was
                          "There's been an
                        accident" I blurted
                          out abruptly and
                         her face grew pale
                         "I'll get my coat"
                         We got a neighbour
                      woman across the street
                           to look after
                            the children
                      while her husband drove
                          us to the cliff
      
                         When we got there
                          they had already
                        brought my brother's
                            body up into
                           the ambulance
                        and the police were
                        inspecting the site
                         by the casual way
                       they were all standing
                           about we knew
                           that death had
                        claimed another life
                          My sister-in-law
                       crumpled to her kneed
                        and she was taken to
                        the ambulance to see
                    her husband's crumpled body
                     As to be expected she was
                        in hysterics and we
                     drove her to the hospital
                        following behind the
                             ambulance
      
                        When we all got home
                       there was such silence
                         that hardly anyone
                       wanted to be the first
                            to break it
                         Mother was weeping
                       silently in the corner
                        comforted by grandma
                       and some close friends
                       and father was talking
                         to some associates
                           in low whispers
      
                         I was the one who
                      phoned my elder brother
                     but reached only his wife
                       who said with sadness
                       that she would relate
                              the news
                          my elder brother
                         came down the next
                              morning
                          and stayed a day
                         after the funeral
      
                      My brother made all the
                          arrangements and
                           at the funeral
                         which all the town
                              attended
                          I saw out of the
                          corner of my eye
                       my father in a heated
                         discussion with my
                              brother
                       I overheard the words
                      "obligation" and "duty"
                        but they were out of
                       range and there was a
                     chill autumn wind blowing
                       and soon the rain came
                      and then it was no more
      
                         The police came by
                        once or twice in the
                         week following and
                        asked some questions
                        and then informed us
                         what they thought
                         might have been a
                           "possibility"
                         Of course we were
                            all outraged
                         and we didn't hide
                             our anger
                         and I still don't
                             believe it
                         they have no proof
                               at all
                         just one of their
                          stupid theories
                            because they
                           can't determine
                          a physical cause
                         "the car was fine"
                        "there was no reason
                    for it to go off the cliff"
                      "but what if he had been
                   trying to turn the car around
                       and somehow misjudged
                           the distance?"
                           "A possibility
                          but we can't say
                           very probable"
                          "Perhaps he had
                      a seizure of some kind?"
                       "No medical evidence"
                      "Perhaps he fell asleep
                        after all it was so
                       early in the morning"
                          "Again possible
                       but then the car would
                         have to have moved
                            on its own"
                        "Perhaps he did not
                          set the brakes"
                      "The marks on the ground
                         would suggest the
                          car was started
                       and did not just roll
                        with the terrain.."
      
                         So many questions
                        So many conjectures
                        What good does it do
                       He rests in peace now
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE FOURTH DAY
      
                    If still upon the third day
                         you deny yourself
                       the courage to accept
                       the bold and brilliant
                   yellow light that communicates
                       its empathy and wisdom
                           you will enter
                      that portion of the evil
                           in your heart
                         that has made you
                        fail within the duty
                   to yourself and your community
      
                     Having failed the promises
                      you made and having bred
                        into the obscurities
                        of the covetous and
                        the usury which nags
                       and nags your hope to
                        find the deeper part
                     of what you call salvation
      
                     If this has been your lot
                       then on the Fourth day
                     The Incomprehensible Light
                      will pass into your ken
                       and surround you with
                 the great throng of lesser lights
                      each of which will haunt
                        your past endeavors
                         and recall to mind
                   the curse of what you wrought
      
                      Oh listen to me wanderer
                           It is on this
                           the Fourth day
                       you will be surrounded
                          by the red light
                         which composed of
                          the element fire
                      will lick at your belly
                          and brandish you
                      with a terror and a fear
                          you have not yet
                            experienced
      
                      From the Red-West Realm
                            of Happiness
                      this light will emanate
                            like a lotus
                      open on a peacock throne
                          embraced by the
                         White-clothed one
                     and bearing down upon you
                       the Compassion and the
                           Voice of Glory
                        and the incarnation
                     of the music and the light
                        each a different hue
                     of red as if a halo light
                          of rainbow glory
      
                           The red light
                        will strike upon you
                    with a frightening radiance
                        and heave your heart
                         into acceleration
                          until your lungs
                         will sharpen with
                           the dizzy void
                         of over-breathing
      
                            Fear it not
      
                          It is the image
                        of the father-mother
                             once again
                           come to guide
                        purposeful referral
                        of your lonely quest
      
                            Fear it not
      
                      And with this brilliant
                      jewel of red hot wisdom
                       will appear in tandem
                         the dull red light
                       flavoring the air with
                        gentle indifference
      
                         Be not fond of it
      
                     Ignore the dull red light
                        and wander steadfast
                    toward the heart of wisdom
                        the sharp red light
                       the glory of the ages
                          past and present
                           and of future
      
                     Embrace the glorious light
                       Find it in your heart
                          to not be struck
                   dumb by it's dazzling display
                        of reverential glory
      
                  But this is also the danger time
                              Be aware
                     This is the time that you
                         can lose your head
                        and fear the images
                       you fail to understand
                          Let it not be so
                           Merge with it
                    merge into the sharper light
                     and do not resign yourself
                      to laziness and dullness
                         and a base desire
                        for the comfortable
      
                      If you do not recognize
                        the divinity of the
                           blinding sheaf
                      of truth defining light
                         the light of grace
                            the light of
                          quick salvation
                            the light of
                               unity
                           the light that
                          in another life
                      you have so longed after
                           the light that
                             you should
                          even though you
                              doubt it
                               trust
                         do not spill into
                     the light of the immediate
                          self-fulfilling
                       dullness of obscurity
                           the obscurity
                           that still is
                      comfort in your mindless
                      mind and heartless heart
      
                         This is the light
                         that confronts you
                       from your self-desires
                       it is wrought by your
                          weak attachments
                      those trinkets that you
                      think define your nature
                      but define nothing more
                          than triviality
      
                        If you should weaken
                   and succumb to this immediate
                        dull-developed light
                        of comfort and of ]
                      cushion-soft accumulated
                              laziness
                        you will be forever
                     chained together with the
                         other slothful and
                           unhappy beings
                         that cannot bring
                          courage to their
                        self-enveloped lives
      
                   See them suffer the immediate
                      stones upon their backs
                        heaving heavy laden
                          sighs of tearful
                           blood-regrets
                        they cannot overcome
      
                          Do not sink into
                   the quagmire of this weakness
                           but be strong
      
                         The dull red light
                       interrupts the path to
                             liberation
      
                         Do not be so weak
      
                        This is an illusion
                    you musty see for what it is
                       precisely an illusion
                         you can be without
      
                              Spurn it
      
                         Trust instead the
                     light that surges forward
                        like a raging river
      
                          Face the torrent
                    know that it will sweep you
                          into the ecstasy
                           of the unknown
      
                         This is where you
                        can expect salvation
      
                         This is the great
                       colossal father mother
      
                      Fall down to your knees
                        and meet this prayer
                           with the heart
                             of a tiger
                          bent on only one
                             clear path
      
                          'When wandering
                         in the wilderness
                       of longing and desire
                         May I be led upon
                    the path of full deliverance
                     by the great manifestation
                            of phenomena
                       May the divine Mother
                            of eternity
                        guard me in distress
                        May I be safely led
                         through the ambush
                            I encounter
                        with the white light
                            and the blue
                         May I be accepted
                        in the great oneness
                          that encompasses
                              the all'
      
                     Saying these sacred words
                        with great humility
                             and faith
                        you will merge with
                     the rainbow-colored light
                       resplendent in itself
                         and representative
                      of the all-encompassing
                         and you will enter
                      having done these things
                        the Southern Portion
                         of the ever-happy
                              glorious
      
                       Sorrow will no longer
                     be a curfew in your heart
      
                        CHORUS - Grandfather
      
                     I have seen so much sorrow
                         can another sorrow
                           add much more?
      
                         From father to son
                           and son to son
                      generations come and go
      
                     The old succumb to silence
                     where youth is loud indeed
                  there is plenty that comes after
                 and there is plenty which repeats
      
                       My father was a farmer
                        a tiller of the soil
                     as was his father's father
                      and his father's father
                             before him
      
                  And always has this been as such
                  and always it should be as such
                   and yet why does this old man
                        fell there is an end
      
                    Wars and famine dust and rot
                       I remember a year when
                 the soil was dust beneath my feet
                     and always we had stamina
                   and faith to guide us through
                            another year
      
                 there were always sons to carry on
                          a hard tradition
                   but what else was there to do
      
                    once upon a time the worker
                  custodian of the soil had pride
               and this pride was what kept him going
      
                       It may be an old thing
                        maybe it's outmoded
                   at least it's hard to come by
                             these days
      
                    and it's not war and famine
                        not dust and locust
                     not hurricane nor drought
                    that robs us of our heritage
                       it's what's out there
                     beyond what we can control
      
                       it attacks us savagely
                        like a dread disease
                     and no one offers medicine
      
                    they watch us die one by one
                    until there is nothing left
                              but ruin
      
                        and they laugh at us
                         and they taunt us
                   and they spit upon the ground
                         they took from us
      
                         and what can I do
                  I who am old infirm and helpless
                  I who have seen five generations
                       plow this fertile land
                       and now see its demise
      
                       how hard it is to bear
                how hard to see through tearful eyes
                the inheritor who leaves his heritage
                      upon the stroke of death
                    and leaves no other heirs
                       committed to the cause
      
                         One grandson dead
                 and the other no longer interested
                    and the children of the dead
                    not raised to keep the land
      
                   I cannot see the seed continue
                         I cannot no longer
                    see the future provided for
                      and I who have been such
                            a happy man
                  what happiness can I project now
                    what sadness clouds my face
      
                     I am old and I grow weary
                      I think I've seen enough
             my wife bedridden knows the time has come
                       having been abandoned
                      we must soon abandon too
      
                          When a young man
                    with a beautiful young bride
                   and what a marvelous wedding
                 and what a wonderful wedding night
                       When I was a young man
      
                     While I tended the fields
                      and made sure the cattle
                            were grazed
                    my wife would keep the house
                    and the waft of her cooking
                 filled the air that just the smell
                      revitalized a hungry man
      
                       When the house burned
                         one november night
                   I spent the spring rebuilding
                           with my father
                      and his broad shoulders
                         that is the house
                           we live in now
      
                  It is sad to see it come to this
                       I had hope my grandson
                  would rebuild and perhaps make a
                     greater from a lesser part
                    we all cannot look progress
                        in the eye and spit
      
                       But it is not progress
                      that has done this devil
                          of a thing to us
                           it is betrayal
                        betrayal by the ones
                    we've trusted as custodians
                            of this land
                      it's a betrayal of greed
                           and treachery
                         and most by those
                          we trusted most
      
                         but simple farmers
                          cannot run away
                     they are tied permanently
                           to their land
                            the seasons
                          and their crops
                        the simple pleasures
                          that are theirs
                        are theirs no longer
                         and as the simple
                        gives way to complex
                       corporate bureaucracy
                        there is little left
                    but be a puppet on a string
      
                     I had always held out hope
                  that someday things would revert
                     to what they once had been
      
                   to a quiet compromise between
               the daily need and the want of others
                  but now I see no chance of that
      
                    I only see corruption greed
                      and disrespect for what
                        nature has to offer
      
                 I held out hope that the children
                       would comfort the old
                and that somehow they would realize
      
                       the lessons of the old
                     and implement new policies
                   which would allow a simple way
                       of life   to continue
      
                            Was I wrong
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE FIFTH DAY
      
                          On the fifth day
                            you will see
                         the representative
                        of the colour green
                       and the element of air
                         emanating from the
                        Green North Realm of
                        Pinnacle Performance
      
                         The actions of the
                          mighty conqueror
                     Seated on the Happy Throne
                   embraced by the Divine Mother
                    the saviour and the nurturer
                   the bearer of the thunderbolt
                       he who clear the path
                          of obscurities
                     the aggregate of volition
                          the green light
                   of the all encompassing Wisdom
                        who will appear as a
                          dazzling entity
                   shining like a brilliant jewel
                          in the darkness
                          of the corridor
                          you now inhabit
      
                         this is the light
                    of the divine Father/Mother
                         and it will bounce
                          off ragged walls
                         and thrust itself
                        like a brazen dagger
                       into your mortal eyes
      
                       Do not fear this light
                          Use it to direct
                        your full attention
                            of you quest
      
                        But there is also a
                          dull green light
                            of jealousy
                         which will embrace
                      you like a warm blanket
                          and will attempt
                           to cast a glow
                          of fond illusion
                            on your brow
      
                          Be now forewarned
                         and no not exhibit
                    fond desires for this light
                         The light of this
                       entity is an illusion
                         emanating from the
                       jealousy still within
                           your own heart
      
                          Know that if you
                         choose the intense
                            green light
                         of highest wisdom
                         you will instantly
                        recognize the right
                         path you must take
      
                         But if you caress
                        the dull green light
                          if you joyously
                       accept the illusionary
                         properties as real
                      you will be inflicted by
                          intense jealousy
                          and you will set
                           upon the path
                        which will lead you
                      to the great unbearable
                    misery of eternal quarreling
                           and bloody war
      
                     Know where this will lead
                             Abandon it
      
                      Fall down to your knees
                        and meet this prayer
                           with the heart
                             of a tiger
                          bent on only one
                             clear path
      
                          'When wandering
                         in the wilderness
                       of longing and desire
                         May I be led upon
                    the path of full deliverance
                     by the great manifestation
                            of phenomena
                       May the divine Mother
                            of eternity
                        guard me in distress
                        May I be safely led
                         through the ambush
                            I encounter
                        with the white light
                            and the blue
                         May I be accepted
                        in the great oneness
                          that encompasses
                              the all'
      
                     Saying these sacred words
                        with great humility
                             and faith
                        you will merge with
                     the rainbow-colored light
                       resplendent in itself
                         and representative
                      of the all-encompassing
                         and you will enter
                      having done these things
                        the Southern Portion
                         of the ever-happy
                              glorious
      
                       Sorrow will no longer
                     be a curfew in your heart
      
      
                        CHORUS - Grandmother
      
                    My husband cannot understand
                  the new ways are foreign to him
                 you must forgive the way he talks
      
                     He had placed so much hope
                    in his grandsons and so much
                    was taken away from him when
                   one died and the other refused
                        to carry on the farm
      
                  It has been a great blow to him
                He had hoped the direct descendancy
              would continue but now sees little hope
      
                         Who can blame him
                     We are both old and infirm
                   and will not live much longer
      
                 Our son cannot carry on by himself
                   His injury makes it impossible
                  for him to carry this great load
      
                    If only we had the children
                 But they also have been taken away
                      and educated differently
                    they know little of our ways
      
                       and who can blame them
                  they want what everyone else has
                       they see and they want
                         it's just natural
                      and who would deny them
                        the right to choose
                        one life for another
      
                     I would never want to come
                     between them and tell them
                           they are wrong
      
                      I have always said that
                      if they are so inclined
                        they will come to it
                          all in due time
      
                You know even through all the things
                     that we have gone through
              there is one thing we have never lacked
      
                         and that is faith
               faith is the great hope of the future
      
                   How many generations have now
                          worked this land
                  how many have built and rebuilt
                          this stone house
      
                    and how many have come close
                            to losing it
      
                    It is something to consider
      
                              Perhaps
                             who knows
                         it really is time
                             this saga
                           came to an end
      
                         perhaps the world
                        has changed to much
                        that there no longer
                         is a place for us
      
                             I hope not
      
                       It is such a beautiful
                         and vibrant world
                    and it always renews itself
                       the old is always new
                      and the new incorporates
                              the old
                      and one generation gives
                        and the other takes
                         and changes things
                          and gives again
                            to the next
      
                     each day the air is fresh
                   with the scent of the seasons
                        and the rich perfume
                        of flowers and herbs
                          and cooking and
                       pine-wood and shellac
                           I would think
                         that it will just
                        continue on forever
                        and that the future
                      is beyond us to observe
                         I think it will be
                        just as good as this
                   It doesn't need to be with us
      
                              You see
                 I have seen these generations come
                    and go just like the seasons
                  and each generation is different
                           from the last
                        each takes and gives
                        and gives and takes
      
                        my husband's father
                         when I married him
                         wasn't keen on me
                       coming into the family
                      He thought I was flighty
                      and not of farmer stock
                      but through the years I
                         proved them wrong
                      I was stronger then they
                           ever suspected
                     and I earned their respect
                     and my son earned it also
                         and though through
                         hardship and injury
                        he is no longer able
                     to fully care for the farm
                     without the help of others
                      he is still a proud man
                      and will gather strength
                           from adversity
                         He will find a way
                            to carry on
      
                      My grandsons thought you
                           may not think
                    are of the same proud stock
                         and they have been
                             their own
                         from the beginning
      
                     and I have seen the family
                       split and I have seen
                      the family come together
                  and I have seen what can be done
                   when proud reclaim their duty
                          and mark my word
                          I know they will
      
                     I know that we don't have
                         but they have time
      
                       They are grieving now
                   and they will grieve some more
                      before this hopelessness
                    descended on them dissipates
                   and with clear mind reckoning
                     they will find a solution
                   It has always happened before
                    and I see no difference now
      
                    When my first son was killed
                       in the war my youngest
                    wanted nothing of this place
                      he didn't want to return
                             but he did
                     he worked the land before
                       and he worked it after
      
                     I wish my words could help
      
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE SIXTH DAY
      
                          On the sixth day
                      all the divine entities
                     that are the great father
                        and the great mother
                   will reveal themselves to you
                 in one great and glorious shining
      
                      They will be surrounded
                  by six lesser entities  (the lokas)
                        and the five orders
                         of ultimate wisdom
                          who will emanate
                          from the centres
                   of your own thought formations
      
                            Look at them
                        and see them clearly
                         for what they are
                          and refuse to be
                          distracted from
                            your journey
      
                        Within their lights
                      is revealed the further
                    lights of the ultimate union
                     of the four great wisdom
                               being
      
                       Phenomena and Void
                      signifying the great and
                         thourough analysis
      
                       Radiance and Void
                       radiating fondness for
                        the great purpose of
                         the greater quest
      
                         Bliss and Void
                     signifying the envelopment
                      of bliss when understand
                         what the ultimate
                         end of all will be
      
                     Consciousness and Void
                      being the concentration
                       required and achieved
                       through great training
                          and perseverance
                        to achieve the great
                     perfection of the ever-all
      
                     Act as though you know the
                    See them as familiar friends
                     who will guide you further
                       on the righteous path
                         to your salvation
      
                         On this sixth day
                      the four colours of the
                       four primary elements
                     will appear ever luminescent
                           and shine upon
                          with the surety
                       of your enlightenment
      
                         these four primary
                            elements are
      
                               water
                          with its clarity
                             and mixing
                         with the in between
      
                               Earth
                           with its solid
                        firmament foundation
                           rooting roots
                          all things firm
      
                                Fire
                       with its consummation
                      and its equal quality of
                         great regeneration
      
                                Air
                         with its ethereal
                           invisibly felt
                             great body
                           of surrounding
                                life
      
                       From the central realm
                      of the enlightened seed
                             Vairochana
                         the father/mother
                      with his great attendant
                     train will shine upon you
      
                       From the eastern realm
                      of Pe-imminent Happiness
                            Vajra-Sattva
                         the Father/Mother
                       and numerous attendant
                         will enlighten you
      
                      From the southern realm
                       of unparalleled glory
                       comes Ratna-Swambhava
                       also the father/mother
                          with great host
                            of followers
                          will envelop you
                         in a great curtain
                          of illumination
      
                       From the western realm
                        of heaped-up lotuses
                              Amitabha
                         the father/mother
                       will appear before you
                        shining like a fire
                     surrounded by a multitude
                          of lesser lights
                       attending to his needs
      
                      From the northern realm
                       of perfect philanthropy
                           Amogha-Siddhi
                         the father/mother
                            will appear
                       as a great benevolent
                        sun with a multitude
                         of sparking stars
                           attending him
                         and warm the heart
                            of your soul
                        so as to prepare you
                      for the greater portion
                         of the cumulation
                           of your quest
      
                            All of these
                          will come amidst
                          a fantastic halo
                        of brighlty-coloured
                           rainbow light
                          to shine on you
                          illumination the
                          immediate needs
                          of your desires
      
                           Then about the
                       outer circle of these
                         entities you will
                            confront the
                         four door-keepers
                            and the ones
                      that will display their
                       animosity toward you
                         and you will also
                           be witness to
                         the victorious one
                          and the one who
                        has conquered death
                            and then the
                         horse-necked king
                       and the urn of nectar
      
                         all of these will
                         appear before you
                         with the knowledge
                         of your inner self
      
                       and they will be there
                   with the 4 female door keepers
                        and the goad-bearer
                          the noose-bearer
                          the chain bearer
                          and the one who
                           tolls the bell
      
                       you will see them all
                       along with the essence
                          of the guardians
                        of the supreme power
                         with their strange
                           strong texture
                         and their hold on
                        mankind like a lion
                            lording over
                           brute kingdom
      
                         an unshakable lion
                        with a flaming mouth
                     inhabiting the lower world
                        as the king of truth
      
                     These eight father/mother
                       door-keepers and also
                     the six teachers, known as
                        the victorious ones
                         will shine on you
                         with a saturating
                        brilliance you will
                       scarcely know your way
      
                        The all-good father
                        the all-good mother
                        the great ancestors
                         the divine father
                         the divine mother
                       will also shine on you
      
                       the 42 perfect deities
                      issuing from your heart
                  a product of your own pure love
                     will come and shine on you
                             know them
      
                             o wanderer
                          all these things
                      come from inside of you
                      they come from the inner
                      dimension of your being
                  the four divisions of your heart
                       which with the center
                        make five directions
                     they issue from within you
                        they shine upon you
      
                        the deities are also
                          come from within
                        and not from without
                     they have existed forever
                       in the faculty of your
                          own intelligence
                          know them to be
                         of your own nature
      
                             o wanderer
                    all of this is in proportion
                       to what is within your
                           heart and mind
      
                         these deities are
                      divided into five groups
                     surrounded by five circles
                            of radiance
                    the male elements partaking
                       of the divine fathers
                      and the female elements
                          partaking of the
                           divine mothers
                     all this will illumine you
                      they are your guardians
                      know them to be as such
      
                             o wanderer
                       from the heart of the
                       divine fathers and the
                      divine mothers of these
                            five orders
                         the rays of light
                       from the five wisdoms
                             will unite
                         and strike against
                             your heart
      
                            on this path
                             blue orbs
                          emitting lights
                             of wisdom
                        will appear like an
                       inverted turquoise cup
                           surrounded by
                            smaller orbs
                              glorious
                              dazzling
                              radiant
                            transparent
                         with five smaller
                             satellites
                             illumined by
                         five starry lights
                          leaving neither
                           the centers or
                             the edges
                              shadowed
      
                        from the heart of VS
                      white mirror like wisdom
                      surrounded by white orbs
                    each like an inverted mirror
                             will shine
      
                        from the heart of RS
                         the yellow wisdom
                            of equality
                     surrounded by yellow orbs
                     like an inverted gold cup
                             will shine
      
                        from the heart of A
                          the red light of
                       discriminating wisdom
                       surrounded by red orbs
                      like inverted coral cups
                             will shine
                        leaving nothing but
                        a great illumination
      
                          all of this will
                       shine upon your heart
                           simultaneously
      
                             o wanderer
                         all these visions
                       radiate from your own
                             faculties
                      there is no other place
                        they have come from
                    do not be attracted to them
                        do not show weakness
                        nor let terror enter
                           in your heart
                        but meditate on the
                             non-being
                          the non-thinking
                           in that state
                         all thee illusions
                        will merge into you
                         and you will gain
                     the perfect state of being
      
                          the green light
                      of the wisdom of perfect
                       actions will not shine
                               on you
                        for you have not yet
                         gained the wisdom
                           to project it
      
                          o noble wanderer
                        these are called the
                        four united wisdoms
                         from which emanate
                        the secret teachings
      
                            at this time
                         you must remember
                         these instructions
                          if you remember
                         these instructions
                         you will recognize
                          different lights
                          and be cognizant
                          of their meaning
                      and you will understand
                        them to be the outer
                         reflections of the
                            inner light
                      which emanates from you
                      you will believe in them
                        and they will be as
                           friends to you
                      and you will understand
                          why this meeting
                            has occurred
                          just like a son
                       understands his mother
      
                        And believing in the
                         unchanging nature
                        of the secret truth
                        you will have merged
                       into the perfect body
                          of intelligence
                       and you have attained
                            greater form
                        from which there is
                             no return
      
                             o wanderer
                       along with the lights
                             of wisdom
                        the impure illusory
                      lights of the six locas
                          will also shine
                             these are
                the dull white light from the divas
               the dull green light from human beings
                the dull blue light from the brutes
                 the dull red light from the petras
                  and a dull smoky light from hell
                    these six lights will shine
                  along with the lights of wisdom
                          do not be afraid
                        but allow your mind
                          to meditate only
                         on the non-thought
      
                         if you should find
                          yourself afraid
                    by the pure lights of wisdom
                    and attracted to the impure
                      lights of the six lokas
                     then you will change into
                       any of these six lokas
                   and these six earthly miseries
                     and you will never escape
                   from the ocean of the eternal
                           regeneration
                        and you will inhabit
                         the tunnel forever
                            and forever
                         and taste only the
                          mortal suffering
                           unto eternity
      
                         o chosen wanderer
                       if you cannot remember
                         these instructions
                           you will fear
                       the pure illuminations
                             of wisdom
                         and its attendant
                               train
                         therefore you will
                        be attracted by the
                          lights of being
                       do not take this path
                         put all your faith
                          and trust in the
                          blinding lights
                             of wisdom
                           train yourself
                        to think that these
                        compassionate lights
                             of wisdom
                     and the five great orders
                    have come through compassion
                            to lead you
                          to the great all
                        take refuge in them
      
                            not yielding
                        to the six illusion
                        but by concentrating
                           the whole mind
                         toward the divine
                       fathers and the divine
                              mothers
                             pray thus
      
                          'When wandering
                         in the wilderness
                        of the five poisons
                     on the bright path of the
                        four united wisdoms
                      may I be led by the five
                       victorious conquerors
                       may the five orders of
                        divine mothers be my
                             rear guard
                     may I be rescued from the
                             six lokas
                          and being saved
                           from the path
                           of the dreaded
                            ever-return
                         may I inhabit the
                        five divine realms'
      
                     Saying these sacred words
                        with great humility
                             and faith
                         you will recognize
                        your own inner light
                          and merging with
                          oneself attains
                         the ever-desirable
                             liberation
                          from the senses
      
                      but alas there are some
                         who will find this
                             difficult
                            and the evil
                          in their hearts
                             will make
                          the ever-return
                       the only path for them
      
      
      
                                ***
      
                           CHORUS - Wife
      
                          the night before
                             his death
                          i seem to recall
                         he was very sullen
                             very quiet
                            he would sit
                         with the children
                          by the fireplace
                        and didn't say much
                         and hardly touched
                              his wine
      
                           I know that he
                            wasn't sure
                          of the decisions
                           he had to make
                           He didn't want
                         to leave the farm
                             but I kept
                           assuring him
                          that it would be
                            for the best
                         and especially for
                            the children
                         What future would
                           they have here
                         we owed it to them
                          to give them the
                         best of everything
                         and he would never
                         make that kind of
                            money while
                           remaining just
                              a farmer
      
                          That is why went
                         to the city a few
                            weeks before
                            to discuss a
                         job offer with my
                           father's firm
                          he said that he
                            would think
                              about it
                         and I guess he did
                            but he also
                           kept wavering
                         kept holding back
                        and wouldn't discuss
                           it with anyone
                           especially me
      
                        I guess it's obvious
                      that that lead to a lot
                            of tensions
                           and there were
                           more than just
                          a few arguments
                        he would spend time
                           at the tavern
                        something he hardly
                              ever did
                          and sometimes he
                          would come home
                        early in the morning
                            quite drunk
                           at one point I
                         thought he had an
                            affair and I
                            followed him
                         but it turned out
                          that he was just
                        walking in the woods
      
                        can you imagine that
                        walking in the woods
                           at night alone
                       I thought he was crazy
                         and I told him so
                       in no uncertain terms
                        I threatened him more
                           than once that
                      if he didn't straighten
                        out and take the job
                           with the firm
                       that I would take the
                            children and
                         leave him for good
      
                        that seemed to put a
                             stop to it
                         he grew very quiet
                           and then said
                             very well
                       I will speak with your
                          father next week
                           when I go down
                        to the local auction
                          and that was the
                             end of it
                          we hardly spoke
                          for the rest of
                              the week
                           in fact in the
                         evenings he hardly
                           left the house
                          except to visit
                            his parents
                          I know they had
                        a lot of discussions
                       about the poor harvest
                        which they suspected
                       from what I understand
                        the crops were very
                           bad this year
                        and there was little
                         they could salvage
      
                          besides the farm
                        had been in trouble
                            for a while
                           my husband had
                          taken out a loan
                          to keep it going
                         and he was hoping
                          for a good crop
                         and that also had
                          an effect on him
                         he never told his
                        parents what he did
                            and I think
                         they thought that
                        everything was fine
                           I don't think
                       it ever dawned on them
                       that there was little
                             left to do
                        but abandon the farm
                        I could spared them
                             the effort
                          The first time I
                          came here I knew
                           that there was
                           nothing   here
                          I kept insisting
                        that we should move
                            to the city
                         and that he should
                          get a proper job
                           but no not him
                         he just had to try
                          I guess I stayed
                        because I loved him
                         and besides with a
                          child on the way
                          what was I to do
      
                           then the years
                            just flew by
                           one two three
                         and another child
                          and the mortgage
                            on the house
                          I guess we just
                             settled in
                            even though
                         I was pretty bored
                               I mean
                           what is there
                             to do in a
                           little village
                            such as this
      
                               oh yes
                            his parents
                          were kind to me
                      they seemed to accept me
                       all except his sister
                          for some reason
                         we never got along
                           a pretty girl
                         but rather stupid
                         his mother i think
                            really just
                        tolerated me anyway
                        I guess she thought
                       I was stealing her son
      
                          I guess I should
                         have never let him
                            talk me into
                            coming here
                          he promised that
                          it would be just
                         for a little while
                         until the harvest
                        was in and the farm
                          was back on its
                           financial feet
                            well I guess
                          they did have a
                       good harvest that year
                          and things were
                        looking up but then
                             his father
                          had that stupid
                           accident when
                          the tractor ran
                            over his leg
                           and he was out
                           of commission
                          for what looked
                          like an eternity
      
                          so what I guess
                          we had no choice
                           but to stay on
                              and help
                           besides there
                             was money
                             coming in
                        and except for some
                           excitement we
                            didn't want
                            for anything
      
                     I saw him first at a dance
                      he came in one saturday
                        night and sat alone
                            in a corner
                         he was so handsome
                       I just had to meet him
                          a few days later
                          I met him again
                          at a tobacconist
                       and there we struck up
                           a conversation
                         he told me that he
                      was from a small village
                          and that he was
                         negotiating to buy
                          supplies for the
                           coming harvest
                          I was intrigued
                          he spoke nothing
                           like the rough
                        farmers I had known
                          he was courteous
                         and kind and very
                          gentle and also
                             quite shy
                           he asked if he
                           could take me
                          to a restaurant
                         and talk some more
                             I accepted
                          I asked him why
                            he sat alone
                         that night at the
                         dance and he said
                        that he just needed
                      to be alone among people
                        It seemed a strange
                            thing to say
                          In any event he
                       went back to the farm
                           but not before
                       asking to see me again
                         when he came back
                         to town the month
                             from this
                           and I said yes
      
                      and that is how it began
                     we kept seeing each other
                       for almost six months
                       six three day periods
                         I took him to see
                           my parents and
                          I could see they
                          were not at all
                         impressed they had
                         always hoped that
                          I would meet and
                         marry one of their
                           kind like both
                          my other sisters
                        especially my mother
                          she wanted me to
                           break with him
                        when my father asked
                        him what his future
                         plans were he said
                         to find peace and
                             happiness
                           what an answer
                        peace and happiness
                           my father just
                       looked at me and said
                               I see
                           then he walked
                           slowly to the
                         window and looked
                       out across the square
                         he didn't have to
                            say a thing
                         I was heartbroken
      
                        on the next-to-last
                       visit before the fall
                      he asked me to marry him
                             I said yes
      
                           When I told my
                          parent they were
                          furious and said
                         that if I did such
                         a thing they would
                             disown me
                        I ran from the house
                          crying and spent
                         the night with an
                           old boyfriend
                         I know I shouldn't
                           have but I had
                         nowhere else to go
                        when the next month
                            came around
                        we eloped and that's
                          when I found out
                        that I was pregnant
      
                      I never told my husband
                         and he never asked
                          why m our son's
                        hair was blond when
                           both families'
                           hair was dark
                         Maybe he suspected
                            but he never
                             brought up
                            the subject
                            and he never
                          treated our son
                          any differently
                           as if he were
                              his own
      
                           I guess that's
                         one thing I should
                          have cleared up
                            before this
                        horrendous incident
                            but I guess
                           it's up to me
                          to put the past
                          behind and be a
                           good mother to
                            my children
      
                           For ten years
                          we spent in that
                       town and for ten years
                         my husband worked
                      his fingers to the bone
                         and little thanks
                          he got for that
                           they just kept
                        asking him for more
                        and he kept working
                         It was hard for me
                          to see him thus
                       It was hard for me to
                           see him suffer
                          you could see it
                            in his eyes
      
                        that's why I wanted
                           him to get out
                        and asked him to go
                           see my father
                        and discuss with him
                          a job offer from
                              the firm
                        but he was as proud
                           as an elephant
                        at first he wouldn't
                           have any of it
                          but then slowly
                      something worked on him
                       All the years of work
                        and all those people
                       wanting more and more
                         He felt it on his
                         shoulders and the
                         weight got heavier
                            and heavier
      
                        Well he finally did
                        consent to speak to
                      my father and even that
                          was hard on him
                       I don't think he knew
                         which way to turn
                         He told me he was
                        going to give me his
                         decision just the
                        night before he died
      
                           I miss him so
      
                           I really don't
                        want to think about
                            the accident
                           it's just too
                          difficult for me
                         I had to get away
      
                        I took the children
                           back to their
                          grandparents and
                          I left for a few
                        weeks on the Riviera
                         I just had to get
                         away from all that
                              pressure
                          when I come back
                        I guess I'll have to
                         decide what to do
                           with the house
                         and the furniture
      
                        maybe in a few weeks
                      when my head has cleared
                    right now I just can't think
                           clearly enough
      
                           you understand
      
                                 *
     
      
                          THE SEVENTH DAY
      
                         On the seventh day
                       The knowledgeable ones
                    from the realms of paradise
                          stand before you
                      with a blinding radiance
      
                          at the same time
                        the worldly passion
                            of stupidity
                             will also
                         try to trip you up
      
                       On the 7th day dawning
                          scattered colors
                             will shine
                       as sparkles on the sea
                  these are the knowledgeable ones
                    coming to present themselves
                               to you
      
                     They are contained in the
                         center of a great
                       rainbow-colored circle
                           and this great
                           rainbow circle
                            will contain
                 along with the knowledgeable ones
                         the great dancers
                        of the perfect realm
                       and the Supreme Vault
                            of Knowledge
                        colored by the five
                       colors of the spectrum
                        and embraced by the
                        mother who has been
                            and will be
                         mother of the all
                      and like flames the red
                          imps sputtering
                           holds a dagger
                   like the crescent of the moon
                            and a skull
                     filled with crimson blood
                    and all of them are dancing
                  dancing like the dance of death
                      around the pole of life
      
                            In the east
                          a vision of the
                         earthly knowledge
                      appears in white raiment
                       embraced by the mother
                            of the gods
                       and of the lesser gods
                      and of the greater gods
                            yet to come
                        and like the flames
                         of the white imps
                             sputtering
                           holds a dagger
                   like the crescent of the moon
                            and a skull
                     filled with crimson blood
                    and all of them are dancing
                  dancing like the dance of death
                      around the pole of life
      
                            In the south
                            a vision of
                       life's known duration
                       appears in yellow garb
                       embraced by the mother
                            of the earth
                      and of the lesser earths
                     and of the greater earths
                            yet to come
                        and like the flames
                         of the yellow imps
                             sputtering
                           holds a dagger
                   like the crescent of the moon
                            and a skull
                     filled with crimson blood
                    and all of them are dancing
                  dancing like the dance of death
                      around the pole of life
      
                            In the west
                            a vision of
                    the great symbol of the all
                      appears in red war paint
                       embraced by the mother
                          of the universe
                    and of the lesser universes
                    and of the greater universes
                            yet to come
                        and like the flames
                          of the red imps
                             sputtering
                           holds a dagger
                   like the crescent of the moon
                            and a skull
                     filled with crimson blood
                    and all of them are dancing
                  dancing like the dance of death
                      around the pole of life
      
                            In the north
                            a vision of
                       the great self-taught
                        appears in red green
                       embraced by the mother
                        of the house of life
                  and of the lesser house of live
                  and of the greater house of life
                            yet to come
                        and like the flames
                         of the green imps
                             sputtering
                           holds a dagger
                   like the crescent of the moon
                            and a skull
                     filled with crimson blood
                    and all of them are dancing
                  dancing like the dance of death
                      around the pole of life
      
                      Around the outer circle
                         you will envision
                       the eight crematories
                    the four distinctive classes
                          the three realms
                     of the thirty holy places
                          the twenty four
                        places of pilgrimage
                       and you will also see
                           all the Heroes
                          all the Heroines
                        and all the Warriors
                         and the protectors
                            of the faith
                          and you will see
                      the male and the Female
                     with six ornaments carved
                          from human bones
                             with Drums
                            and Trumpets
                            and Timbrels
                     and banners of human skin
                         waving in the wind
                      and capes of human skin
                      and human-skin bandettas
                       and fumes of human fat
                        uplifting to the sky
                       and uncountable other
                        musical instruments
                        from which the whole
                        system of the world
                              vibrates
                        And you will tremble
                         for they have come
                     to lead away the faithful
                     and punish the unfaithful
      
                             O wanderer
                         five colours will
                          radiate from the
                           simultaneously
                            born wisdom
                          purified in its
                            propensities
                            transparent
                           awe inspiring
                        with an overwhelming
                              pungency
                          issuing from the
                           greater heart
                            of knowledge
      
                        they strike you you
                         with a brightness
                          that will dazzle
                          all your senses
      
                          At the same time
                         A dull blue light
                       of the sentient world
                       will shine along with
                         the radiant light
                             of wisdom
      
                          Do not be afraid
                            even though
                      like a thousand thunder
                       rolling thunder-bolts
                          they reverberate
                          through valleys
                           and the hills
                         up to the highest
                            mountain to
                           roaring in the
                         sky like elephants
                             and lions
                         in the dark jungle
                            of the night
      
                           But do not see
                            the darkness
                        See the inner light
      
                        Do not be attracted
                         to the dull light
                           that will only
                        favour your illusion
                      and lead you far astray
      
                         So when confronted
                        with their arguments
                          spread yourself
                           upon the earth
                         and in earnestness
                        and fully conscious
                             cognizance
                          say this prayer
      
                            Oh knowledge
                          present me with
                           the faculties
                      to gain the proper path
                            which cannot
                           lead me to the
                         wrongful entities
                           which harbour
                             in my soul
                               I long
                           in earnestness
                         and steadfastness
                         to meet the light
                        however frightening
                            it's appeal
                      Train me to acknowledge
                            and embrace
                           the light that
                       dims all other lights
                           and overwhelms
                     the senses of the sentient
                            I am humble
                          here before you
                         I would honour you
                            Surround me
                           Lead me to the
                           greater realm
                         where I will merge
                        with the future all
      
                                ...
      
                   Having said this supplication
                          Immediately upon
                          the realization
                        of the spoken words
                            you will be
                          merged with the
                        radiant clear light
                         the light that is
                         the primal dawning
                        which anchors in you
                      like a bolt of lightning
                         snapping you awake
      
                      This is the realization
                         no one can explain
                           for words were
                       never made that argue
                             its appeal
                        they reality is far
                      far beyond the boundary
                          of human thought
                        That is why you see
                         what you will see
                      emanating from internal
                             presences
      
                       Know then what is real
                          and what is not
                        Know then where the
                          knowledge of the
                          right path leads
                         and know then also
                           how the wrong
                           can be avoided
      
                         This concludes the
                            face-to-face
                         encounter with the
                        Benevolent Agencies.
      
                                ***
                                 *
      
                         THE DAWNING OF THE
                        MALEVOLENT AGENCIES
      
      
                    CHORUS - Son (8 Years later)
      
                            Father once
                          built me a kite
                         which flew so high
                         that it was almost
                           invisible and
                           I though that
                          it had flown up
                             to heaven
                            Then father
                             told me to
                          take the string
                          and gently pull
                           and I felt the
                         power of the kite
                            in my hands
                          and he explained
                          to me that that
                           was the power
                           that man held
                              over God
      
                        I didn't understand
                          him at the time
                          being only nine
                        but now eight years
                           later I think
                            I know what
                           he was saying
                           He was saying
                          there is nothing
                          we can't achieve
                             if we have
                            control over
                            our beliefs
      
                            Mother says
                            that we will
                           not return to
                            the farm and
                           that next year
                        I will be attending
                          university like
                         my uncle and then
                         become an engineer
                            or a lawyer
                         I know she prefers
                       me to become a lawyer
                       because my grandfather
                        thinks that I could
                      be part of the business
                          but I don't know
                          I don't know why
                       people expect so much
                              from me
                          I know even less
                           why they think
                        they have to take me
                         away from the farm
                          I loved it there
                          It was so quite
                            and so calm
                           I had all kind
                          of time to read
                             and write
                            and meditate
      
                       In the early mornings
                           before school
                            I used to go
                         into the woods for
                           half and hour
                           or so and just
                         marvel at all the
                        colours and the moss
                         was always so soft
                           and especially
                            when the sun
                          came through the
                          pines and it was
                           as if the rest
                            of the world
                         just didn't exist
                           and now in the
                        city where can I go
                        what is there to do
      
                          I think I would
                         rather be back on
                              the farm
                          but mother won't
                               let me
                        she says that maybe
                          next year I can
                           visit but only
                           for a few days
                           But I want to
                         stay there longer
                            I think they
                            need my help
                          now that father
                            is no longer
                           on this earth
      
                           I wish father
                           were the kite
                            and I could
                          pull the string
                         and bring him back
                           wouldn't that
                            be something
                          but mother keeps
                             telling me
                            that he will
                          never come back
                           and that such
                           fantasies are
                            not becoming
                            someone who
                              is ready
                            to attend a
                            prestigious
                             university
      
                          But to tell you
                             the truth
                           I don't really
                           want to attend
                         university unless
                            I could take
                           the courses in
                            agriculture
                            which really
                            interest me
                           But what's the
                        use talking to them
                        they keep reminding
                          me that they're
                          the ones who are
                        funding my education
                        and because of that
                        I have an obligation
                       to carry this through
      
                          Some obligation
                           forced labour
                             I call it
                          As long as I do
                           what they want
                         It will be alright
                         And what about me
                          what about what
                               I want
                             What about
                              my needs
      
                         They'd have a fit
                          if they heard me
                          speak like this
                          but I don't care
                           You see I have
                               a plan
                           I will attend
                           university for
                           the first year
                           and then when
                         I gain my majority
                            I will leave
                           university and
                           will return to
                            the farm and
                          help it prosper
      
                           You see I know
                           something they
                             don't know
                           and they must
                           never find out
                           I have been in
                            contact with
                          grandfather for
                         the last two years
                         They though I had
                           forgotten all
                          about my father
                            and the farm
                         But they are wrong
      
                          My grandfather's
                            had a pretty
                          hard time of it
                           but somehow he
                         managed to mortgage
                         the land and keep
                              it going
                          but I know he's
                            also heavily
                          in debt and has
                         asked several time
                         whether my mother
                         could not arrange
                               a loan
                           I know because
                          I overheard her
                           talking on the
                            phone on day
                           That's when I
                           decided to get
                           in touch with
                          grandfather and
                           offer my help
                           but I have no
                         money I can touch
                        until I'm twenty one
                        and I think that'll
                            be too late
                        But grandfather says
                        that if I have hope
                         I can make dreams
                             come true
      
                        I may not have known
                           my father well
                        being so young when
                            he died but
                        I know what he would
                        have wanted me to do
                           even though my
                         mother would fight
                           me all the way
                           that is what I
                             wish to do
                           and they can't
                              stop me
      
                            When I told
                        grandfather of this
                           plan he became
                            he said that
                           he admired my
                           dedication to
                             the family
                              but also
                           admonished me
                           for conspiring
                             behind my
                           mother's back
                            he said that
                           being devious
                            is not being
                           honorable and
                          being honorable
                       is what really counts
                           He told me to
                          go to university
                       and study agriculture
                         and then come back
                            to the farm
                         otherwise he said
                           without modern
                          farming methods
                         it would be futile
      
                          but even I know
                       before that can happen
                           I must somehow
                          convince mother
                            to allow for
                        some sort of funding
                          to keep the farm
                               alive
                           after all she
                          lived among them
                           for ten years
                           there must be
                          something in her
                               heart
                             I promised
                          grandfather that
                          I would attempt
                           to talk to her
                        but that I couldn't
                           guarantee that
                          she would listen
      
                         whether something
                           happens or not
                            he said that
                         is already a great
                            contribution
      
                           I am so proud
                       to have a grandfather
                              like him
                        one day he promised
                          me that he would
                      tell me all the stories
                           that he knows
                            of my father
      
                         I can hardly wait
      
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE EIGHT DAY
      
                         If upon the first
                        part of this journey
                        you should not have
                           found your way
                      and still end wandering
                          in the aloneness
                            of confusion
                         take hold of your
                           endeavors and
                          concentrate upon
                         what you shall now
                              be told
      
                        Not having been able
                            to recognize
                      the benevolent entities
                        who have come to you
                     with the messages of light
      
                         it is now the time
                       for the blood-drinkers
                         to descend on you
                       in all their razzmatazz
                             and dazzle
                           and convulsive
                         glass-eyed terror
      
                     be sure to recognize them
                      or know they will refuse
                         to show you mercy
      
                      The first one to appear
                    will be the Vast and Mighty
                          Brown in colour
                      and with his three heads
                           and six hands
                           and four feet
                    firmly rooted in the ground
      
                   his right face white as chalk
                 his left face red as flowing blood
             and his middle face dark brown as the bark
                         on an ancient oak
      
                       His body will be flame
                    and his nine dilated pupils
                   will affix themselves upon you
                       in a terrifying stare
      
                        His eyebrows will be
                   quivering and his jagged teeth
                    protruding on his lower lip
                          revolting with a
                           cackling sound
                    that sounds like "ah-la-la"
                      or "Ah-ha-ha" as like a
                         piercing whistled
                       intruding on your ears
      
                          His russet hair
                       unkempt and radiating
                      strands of red hot light
                    that flickers on the ceiling
                       of the cavern in which
                     you find yourself confined
      
                      His three heads will be
                  adorned with three dried skulls
                       which are the symbols
                        of the sun and moon
                     and of the black serpents
                    creeping on through the mud
                    and his body will be girdled
                  by raw heads all covered loosely
                    with rotting scraps of flesh
                     and clotting yellow blood
      
                      In his first right hand
                        he will be holding a
                      enormous spinning wheel
                       and in his middle hand
                      an heavy flashing sword
                        and in his last hand
                            a bloody ax
      
                       In his first left hand
                        he will be holding a
                        black cast iron bell
                       and in his middle hand
                     a bowl carved from a skull
                        and in his last hand
                     you will see a plowshare
                   used to dig up all the graves
                       and fertilize the soil
      
                       He will be embraced by
                          Mother of wrath
                    who will with her right hand
                  cling like an eagle to his neck
                       and with her left hand
                   hold a shell of steaming blood
                          up to his mouth
                      and she will make sounds
                       that cackle and rumble
                      like the thunder in the
                       evil of the icy night
      
                          But even though
                     their properties are evil
                        the flames of wisdom
                    still blaze from every pore
                     of their repulsive bodies
      
                       with one leg leg bent
                  and with the other leg straight
                       they are supported by
                        great horned eagles
      
                         Know these things
                    to come from your own brain
      
                        Do not fear the evil
                        you believe you see
                        Do not stand awed by
                         the great strength
                       formidability of their
                            vast powers
      
                          All these images
                     are dragged from your own
                      mortal realm experiences
      
                     Do not be tempted to flee
                    There is nowhere you can run
                    These forms will be with you
                              forever
      
                      In reality it is only BV
                           the the father
                           and the mother
                      showing you another side
                         of your own nature
                      and giving you incentive
                             as a test
      
                     Recognize them immediately
                     and you will come to merge
                    with the oneness of the all
      
                                ***
      
                 CHORUS - Daughter (8 years later)
      
                          Mother was right
                        to leave that place
                      There was nothing there
                        for us so why would
                          we want to stay
                       after father had gone
                            and left us
      
                       It was a horrible time
                         and I really don't
                        want to remember it
      
                         I could always see
                       how sad my mother was
                        for being forced to
                         stay there against
                              her will
                           I saw her cry
                           late at night
                      when father wasn't there
                           She sometimes
                         was so lonely for
                            real company
                         that at times she
                      would have done anything
                        to get out of there
      
                         I don't know what
                      my brother sees in that
                         smelly dusty land
                       and all the uneducated
                              peasants
                            and to think
                          that he actually
                       want to go back there
                      I hope mother stops him
                        he's just be wasting
                              his life
      
                         I was so glad when
                      we moved away from there
                        it was like a prison
      
                        I mean I could never
                            go anywhere
                        and the boys used to
                        tease me with their
                       filthy and disgusting
                             crudeness
      
                        I liked it best when
                         we would go to the
                          city or I could
                       visit my grandparents
                           and they would
                          take me shopping
                        and buy me all kinds
                       of clothes and things
                        They would allow me
                        to go to the movies
                           and to parties
                          with friends who
                     weren't lower class hicks
      
                           Country living
                           is for losers
      
                           What do I know
                          about my father
                         What don't I know
                             about him
                            Mother told
                             me enough
                           Late at night
                           right after he
                           died she would
                         lie in bed with me
                           and talk about
                         all the hard times
                         she had to endure
                          and the torment
                          and humiliation
                         of having to live
                        among those farmers
      
                        She said she had no
                         choice because she
                          loved my father
                          and that he was
                          almost ready to
                         come and work for
                           grandfather in
                            his factory
                            when he died
                         and that my mother
                        would have left him
                         had he not done so
      
                            I know I was
                           young then and
                          probably did not
                           understand it
                         that well but now
                         I fully understand
                         and feel that she
                        did the right thing
                         in trying to force
                        him to get a proper
                            life for us
                        for who can support
                        a family by farming
      
                      such a dirty profession
      
                         Well he treated me
                         pretty good as far
                           as I remember
                         We used to go for
                      long walks in the fields
                          with my brother
                         and the hay rides
                        and the times spent
                         sitting with us by
                         the fireplace and
                         reading to us were
                        pretty good memories
                      and especially christmas
                        with the great tree
                            and the snow
                      and all the festivities
                        I don't think I will
                          ever forget that
                         but there weren't
                         and good presents
                        mostly clothes which
                         some of the others
                        had made themselves
                          and lots of food
                       but that was about all
                      Once or twice I remember
                      toys bought in the city
                         but that was only
                         the last christmas
                         before that I used
                         to get cloth dolls
                       and my brother used to
                       get things like kites
                       which I know he hated
      
                           The townsfolk
                           were so crude
                         and I think we all
                        felt like outsiders
                           Even my father
                         seems to have been
                          apart from them
                           oh yes mother
                          tells me that he
                        would go to the town
                        to be with the other
                          farmers but from
                        what mother told me
                        kept their distance
                             from them
                          I don't know why
                          He did his best
      
                             I remember
                           the many books
                        along his study wall
                         It seemed like he
                       had a million of them
                        Mother always tried
                         to get him to get
                          rid of that lot
                          saying he spent
                           half his time
                         in the fields and
                       half his time reading
                           I think he was
                          wasting his life
                      and ours for that matter
                          staying on that
                         god-forsaken farm
      
                          even the priest
                          didn't like him
                         but then again he
                         didn't like any of
                        his relatives either
                        He used to come over
                      and try to persuade him
                           to give up his
                        irreligious ways and
                        return to the church
                         I still don't know
                       what any of that meant
                         Mother told me all
                      about it over the years
                       and it just seemed to
                          stick in my mind
      
                        I really can't talk
                            much longer
                        I have an engagement
                     with some friends of mine
                       we are planning a trip
                        to Paris to do some
                           real shopping
                        That will be my last
                         trip before school
                            begins again
                        While my brother is
                         off to university
                        and will be a great
                         lawyer or engineer
                          some day I still
                         have to stay here
                        with two more years
                           of high school
                        I don't think that's
                           fair but then
                       what can I do about it
      
                        I'm already going to
                     modelling school part time
                         and when I get out
                      will go there full time
                         One thing for sure
                        I won't be a farmer
                         when I get married
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE NINTH DAY
      
                          But if you flee
                          on the ninth day
                        more blood-drinkers
                           be resurrected
                         they will come and
                       vanquish all the hope
                       you might have entered
                          through the ages
                           in your heart
      
                               Listen
      
                        The All-powerful one
                         the great amasses
                           undefeated one
                           the one of the
                        dark-blue appearance
                            the one with
                            three faces
                             six hands
                           and four feet
                         firmly entrenched
                        in the solid ground
      
                         In his first hand
                              holding
                           a thunderbolt
                         in his middle hand
                        a carved skull-bowl
                       deep with human blood
                        deep with the desire
                         of the human mind
                      deep with the fantastic
                             fantasies
                          humans ever feel
                       and in the final hand
                            a battle ax
                        worn ragged from the
                           multitudes of
                           battles fought
                       examining all history
                           examining the
                          final condition
                          of the humanoid
                         whether he should
                            live or die
      
                            In the first
                         left hand holding
                            a great bell
                           in the middle
                        holding a skull bowl
                          and in the last
                        a great plowshare
                          this to till the
                        heart of every soul
                      until it is turned over
                            and renewed
      
                            and his body
                            is embraced
                      by the great vast mother
                      her right hand clinging
                            to his neck
                       her left hand offering
                        a red bowl of blood
      
                      All of this will emanate
                      from the eastern quarter
                         of your human mind
      
                          Don't dare fear
                        do not fear the mind
                         that confronts you
                           it is your own
                     it is what you have gotten
                            and amassed
                     throughout all the history
                         of your condition
      
                          Do not be in awe
                      of what you are yourself
                         or what you might
                              project
                        there is no one else
                         that can harm you
                          except yourself
                            you yourself
                         inflict the final
                          wounds that kill
                            you yourself
                           are your worst
                             destroyer
                    even though you hardly know
                      survival is an instinct
                            you survive
                      like a beast will smell
                         it's own survival
                            smell it now
                       see the light that is
                             the light
                         you will remember
                            not the dull
                         intoxicating light
                        that makes you feel
                           like a shadow
                          blanket warm and
                               sleepy
      
                           All of this is
                        embodied in your own
                            intelligence
      
                         Don't be terrified
      
                         All this really is
                               is VS
                           and the father
                           and the mother
                          signalling their
                           desire to see
                             you follow
                           the glory-path
                           into the realm
                       of your beginning-end
                           both together
                       the merging of nothing
                         and the everything
                       all they are there for
                          is to guide you
                              and they
                            spring forth
                          from your heart
      
                         their recognition
                       brings you liberation
      
                          merge with them
                          merge merge into
                          the greater all
      
                                ***
      
                    CHORUS - Father of the Wife
      
                      A couple of days before
                          his tragic death
                           he came to me
                        at the behest of my
                          daughter and we
                          discussed a job
                          offer I had made
                     to him some months before
      
                        He seemed to me very
                        unsure about it and
                        wanted some weeks to
                           think it over
                           I told him to
                         take all the time
                           that he wanted
      
                      My daughter was furious
                     She thought I should have
                       persuaded him to take
                          the offer but I
                      tried to explain to her
                       that it was not my job
                   to persuade him into anything
                         In fact I told her
                       that it was up to her
                       to straighten out any
                    problems their marriage had
      
                       I just made the offer
                     because I believe that he
                     could actually do the job
                          Actually the man
                        impressed me by his
                       honesty and knowledge
                       albeit a bit spurious
                        since I know that he
                       did not have a collage
                         education and was
                      mostly taught on his own
      
                       You could tell that he
                       was well read and that
                   he had the capacity to retain
                        what he had read and
                     to solve problems and make
                          right decisions
                      Someone like that I can
                       always use in the firm
                     And besides his knowledge
                        of the farmers' ways
                       would have made him a
                        good bargaining tool
                       I would have sent him
                        as a representative
                          around the farms
                       and he could have been
                        good for our company
                          in that respect
      
                      I never told my daughter
                        what position I had
                      in mind for him because
                      had I told her she would
                     have raised a royal ruckus
                      But to be honest I have
                       to place my personnel
                       in the most efficient
                      position I can otherwise
                   this company would fall apart
                       in a matter of months
                     I certainly wouldn't have
                      wanted him around in any
                         executive position
                      For that I think he was
                       much too undisciplined
                    and I wasn't about to spring
                     for a university education
                            for a farmer
                      But as a trader he could
                          be a real asset
      
                        But then all that is
                            academic now
                      with his untimely death
                       what we have to do now
                       is see to it that the
                       children get the best
                    care and education possible
                       and I have already set
                         up a fund for them
      
                     My daughter is still quite
                       disconsolate as would
                      be expected although the
                 children have taken this quit well
                  Perhaps that is due to the fact
                     that my we thought it best
                   to take the children from that
                        environment as soon
                      as the funeral was over
                           and done with
                       It probably saved them
                          a lot of trauma
      
                      We still don't know what
                    really happened and we guess
                             never will
                       In cases such as this
                    it's best to just let it go
                   There is so little one can do
                      But I'm glad this family
                       holds together so well
                       It has always been our
                      strong point when things
                             get tough
      
                    When my daughter married him
                     my wife was out of herself
                    she couldn't understand why
                    the daughter she had raised
                   to be comfortable in the most
                     refined circles of society
                    could do such a thing to us
                    But I suppose when it comes
                   to love we are all in the dark
                   I know that my wife's parents
               weren't very keen on me the first time
                        they laid eyes on me
                      After all I was still in
                        third year economics
                    and had very little to offer
                     a wife except for love and
                              ambition
      
                          But it's strange
                    that's something I never saw
                      in my daughter's husband
                      He seemed to think that
                     everything would take care
                  of itself and that all he would
               have to do is work hard and be honest
                       A simple kind of logic
                      and I suppose sufficient
                        for a farmer's needs
      
                        I offered some money
                     to help them keep the farm
                     until they could make some
                       arrangements but they
                      would have nothing of it
                    I guess they thought it was
                       an insult or something
                         Such stubborn folk
                       Can't reason with them
      
                     In any event we went down
                          for the funeral
                    It was the least we could do
                     and then got out of there
                          just as quickly
                     We just waited a day or so
                      until my daughter could
                     gather all her belongings
                      and we sent a truck down
                            for the rest
                    My solicitors will take care
                         of everything else
                       The house was owned by
                      the family so there was
                         nothing left to do
                     Besides my daughter didn't
                           want anything
                        she wanted to leave
                       and as she said "never
                       see that place again"
                     I don't think the children
                   were of any differing opinion
                        although the boy had
                            some regrets
                     but he forgot all about it
                        after we sent him to
                          boarding school
                       You know how kids are
                     It's the moment with them
                      And these two are young
                      enough so that it won't
                   make a deep impression on them
      
                      I can Tell you one thing
                       I'm glad it's all over
                       I'm glad that finally
                   things can get back to normal
      
                                 *
     
      
                           THE TENTH DAY
      
      
                         If because you are
                            too attached
                            not prepared
                          for these events
                           and you still
                           flee from them
                             in terror
                             and in awe
                         the blood-drinkers
                         of the invincible
                        diamond will appear
                          to you in their
                         Yellow brilliance
                        sporting three faces
                             six hands
                           and four feet
                        all firmly anchored
                        in the steadfastness
                              of earth
      
                           The right face
                           will be white
                          and the left one
                                red
                        and the middle face
                          deep dark yellow
      
                          And they will be
                            encircled by
                            a brilliant
                       volatile halo of fire
      
                          The first of six
                           hands holding
                           a glowing gem
                       the one in the middle
                        clutching a trident
                            and the last
                             a trident
      
                          The first of the
                         left hand holding
                          a cast-iron bell
                             the middle
                           a bowl carved
                         from a human skull
                              last one
                       a three pronged staff
      
                            Each will be
                          embraced by the
                            great mother
                           her right hand
                          clinging to each
                             one's neck
                         and her left hand
                          offering red cup
                        for each one's lips
                              to drink
      
                         They will radiate
                         from south quarter
                           of your brain
                          and shine on you
                          as the sun upon
                             the earth
      
                          Do not be afraid
                           Let no terror
                           eat your heart
                         And don't be awed
                       by their magnificence
                         They are your own
                          created entities
      
                              In truth
                            they are the
                           Father-mother
      
                          Believe in them
      
                         To recognize them
                         as such will gain
                       immediate deliverance
      
                           Proclaim them
                          Merge with their
                        superior substances
                        and they will merge
                              with you
                         within the shadow
                            of eternity
      
                                ***
      
                  CHORUS - the Mother of the Wife
      
                          I told her from
                             the first
                            that it was
                             a mistake
                           but would she
                         listen no she had
                           her own ideas
      
                            What a waste
                            of her youth
                           when she could
                            have married
                          into some of the
                          finest families
                          and had made for
                        herself a real life
      
                        and where's she now
                       picking up the pieces
      
                          I told her from
                             the first
                           that I didn't
                              like him
                           that I thought
                           he was unstable
                       and was never going to
                           make her happy
      
                           But what does
                           a mother know
      
                       It was a terrible day
                       that day we found out
                        that she had eloped
                       ran off without a word
                          not even a note
                           to say goodbye
      
                           I can tell you
                          I didn't have an
                          easy time of it
                           and her father
                        well what can I say
                         I had to hold him
                        back because he was
                        so angry I think he
                       would have killed her
                        had he got his hands
                           on her before
                         I calmed him down
      
                          When she finally
                          did call to say
                        that she was alright
                           we begged her
                            to come home
                         and that we would
                            forgive her
                         and that we could
                           arrange for an
                         annulment and that
                        is when she told us
                          about the child
                        and we were crushed
                         to think that our
                       family bloodline would
                        be diluted with the
                         blood of peasants
                          That was almost
                          too much to take
      
                       My husband threatened
                           to disown her
                           if she didn't
                         return immediately
                          but I guess she
                          had other plans
                          and told us all
                           to go to hell
                          It wasn't until
                         the child was born
                           that again we
                           heard from her
                        I guess by that time
                            we had given
                        up all hope of ever
                      having a reconciliation
                      but she said she wanted
                            to visit us
                           and be part of
                          the family again
      
                           But she still
                        wouldn't see reason
                         and I guess we had
                       to make the sacrifice
                        and we let her come
                            for a visit
                           with the child
                          and that no good
                          husband of hers
                          he dressed just
                           like a farmer
                         not even bothering
                           to wear a tie
                           It was such an
                            embarrassment
                         even the servants
                             were upset
                          and thought this
                          would harm their
                             reputation
                            I must admit
                         I felt like asking
                             him to go
                          around the back
                          and enter by the
                         delivery entrance
                          He was just such
                          an embarrassment
                         I never understood
                       what my daughter could
                            possibly see
                         in a man like that
      
                           Well as bad as
                        that first time was
                            As we got to
                          know him I guess
                           he wasn't all
                        that bad a character
                           He meant well
                            and besides
                           the next time
                           that they came
                           he wore a tie
                            I suppose he
                           didn't want to
                           embarrass her
                         and that at least
                         made an impression
                           on my husband
      
                            What we did
                          find strange was
                           that the child
                            did not look
                          like him at all
                          He was dark and
                            with a ruddy
                        farmer's complexion
                         whereas the child
                         was fair and blond
                            and delicate
                         Their second child
                        though was very much
                              like him
                           and exhibited
                           the same kind
                            of qualities
                          while growing up
                           but I must say
                           that both seem
                        to be taking things
                             in stride
                           and once away
                           from the farm
                           they were more
                            the way they
                          should have been
                           raised in the
                            first place
      
                           As time passed
                          I guess we began
                           accepting the
                           situation more
                          since it wasn't
                            going to get
                            resolve in a
                          favorable manner
                            at least not
                           to our liking
                          but I could tell
                             there was
                          some dissension
                            creeping in
                         I know my daughter
                           and could see
                         the disenchantment
                            in her eyes
                          when things year
                             after year
                          stayed the same
                         My husband offered
                          them some money
                      but her husband refused
                           because he was
                            one of those
                          'proud' animals
                            and wouldn't
                          accept help from
                               anyone
                           I suppose it's
                          fine to a point
                          but when you are
                              in need
                           you shouldn't
                            be too proud
                           to accept help
                           from your own
                               family
                            At least he
                          should have been
                            adapt enough
                          to think of his
                          wife's happiness
      
                           I think he was
                           a bit snobbish
                          although I don't
                         for the life of me
                         know why a farmer
                         should be snobbish
                            and of what
                           It's beyond me
                              Oh well
      
                         When the news came
                            of his death
                        and that my daughter
                         would be returning
                       home where she belongs
                            I can't say
                       that I was overwhelmed
                             by sadness
                           and my daughter
                        didn't seem to mourn
                           for very long
                        and so she shouldn't
                       after all she's a very
                          beautiful woman
                       and there's still time
                         for her to remarry
                         This time I'm sure
                        she'll get the life
                         that she deserves
      
                           Still I worry
                         about the children
                         My grand daughter
                            seems to be
                           adjusting well
                          but the grandson
                       he's a different sort
                          There's a lot of
                      strangeness in his eyes
                         At times I wonder
                         what he's thinking
                        because I know he's
                          not quite honest
                         with his feelings
                             toward us
                           Oh he pretends
                         but I know there's
                          something wrong
                         I told my daughter
                           You've got to
                        watch him carefully
      
                            Oh dear it's
                          already so late
                         You must excuse me
                    I've got a dinner engagement
                         and must get ready
                      You understand don't you
      
      
                                 *
     
      
                          THE ELEVENTH DAY
      
                            On this day
                         The Blood drinkers
                            of the Lotus
                          will make their
                             appearance
      
                        Their colour will be
                         red-black and they
                             will have
                            three faces
                           and six hands
                           and four feet
                           firmly rooted
                          in the red earth
      
                            Each of them
                         will have a white
                           right face and
                           left blue face
                          and a middle face
                              dark red
      
                          The first of the
                         right of six hands
                         will hold a lotus
                         and the middle one
                          a trident staff
                         and the last hand
                     will clutch a wooden club
      
                           The first the
                             left hand
                            holds a bell
                           the middle one
                         a bowl carved from
                           a skull filled
                         with a red liquid
                            in the last
                        a small drum is held
      
                         Each body embraced
                          will be embraced
                        by the great mother
                           her right hand
                          clinging to each
                            being's neck
                     and her left hand offering
                             the mouth
                          a red sea shell
      
                           Truth be told
                            it is really
                         the father/mother
                               united
      
                            issuing from
                           the west part
                           of your brain
      
                          Do not fear them
                       Do not be awed by them
                        Do not be terrified
                        by their terrifying
                             properties
      
                         but rather rejoice
                     in what they have come for
                      what they present to you
                    what you can learn from them
      
                         They are after all
                        produced by your own
                            intelligence
      
                          Do not be afraid
      
                     They are the father/mother
      
                          Believe in them
      
                          With recognition
                          comes liberation
      
                          They will merge
                          with you and you
                        will merge with them
      
                      They are the appearance
                        of the all-together
      
                                ***
      
      
                          CHORUS - Friends
      
                             Friends I
      
                         They used to give
                        quite a few parties
                         but I think it was
                        the wife and not him
                         who planned those
                        If it were up to him
                        I think he's rather
                          have been alone
                         He didn't mix well
      
                         But she was always
                       the life of the party
                        and none of the men
                            minded going
                       mainly I guess because
                       she was such a beauty
      
                     She had ambition that one
                        she wanted him to be
                      a financier or something
                        of that order but he
                     wouldn't have been able to
                      handle it he was just a
                           simple farmer
                        I think that's what
                          drove him to it
                            mark my word
      
                      He liked the open field
                       and she liked parties
                     they had nothing in common
                      Can't for the life of me
                      see what attracted them
                         in the first place
      
                             Friends II
      
                      He didn't have any real
                           close friends
                      I guess if he had anyone
                         I was the closest
                        We used to help each
                      other out in the fields
                        and we used to drink
                     together though he didn't
                     indulge like other people
                      Guess he knew his limit
                     That's one think I always
                          liked about him
                         he knew his limit
                     In drink as in everything
                        else for that matter
      
                        He seems so centred
                      Knowing exactly what to
                       do in every situation
                         He never panicked
                       and he always did the
                            right thing
                       It was almost uncanny
                         And he never took
                           thanking well
                       You couldn't thank him
                            for anything
                         He would just say
                        No need we all have
                        to perform our duty
      
                     I remember one day when he
                    and the priest got involved
                       in a discussion about
                         spiritual matters
                       I know they didn't see
                             eye to eye
                       but somehow they still
                        respected each other
                       The priest would quote
                    long passages from scripture
                         and he would just
                       refute them one by one
                        and point either to
                       the ground of the sky
                     or the fields or the heart
                       and say that is where
                      the true spirit resides
                       not in there (pointing
                           to the bible)
                        The priest of course
                         couldn't refute it
                       but had also to uphold
                          the word of God
                         But it never came
                        to a shouting match
                      They would have a glass
                          of wine together
                       and look at each other
                         with a knowing eye
      
                       My wife thought he was
                       somehow 'evil' that he
                      was somehow involved in
                       magic or devil worship
                       which was so absurd I
                        didn't even want to
                             discuss it
                        I told he that I had
                     known him since childhood
                   and that he was just different
                       and that she shouldn't
                        go around spreading
                          unfounded rumors
      
                       But I know she wasn't
                      the only one with views
                             like that
                        some even wanted the
                      whole family out of town
                        The women especially
                        didn't like his wife
                        and thought she was
                      stand offish and snotty
                      and thought she was too
                     high class to mix with the
                            common folk
                          which I must say
                      I couldn't disagree with
                          But I also think
                     that a lot of it had to do
                     with how beautiful she was
                       and they were jealous
      
                      I know that when we were
                     younger a lot of the girls
                     had a crush on him but he
                   never went out very much with
                      the local girls and they
                        took offense to that
                      especially when he came
                           home with her
                     They really were offended
      
                     I never saw any indication
                        that he was strange
                      or even a bit 'retarded'
                      as some men cruelly said
                   I think that rumor got around
                    because he never did to well
                    in school and that he hardly
                          spoke to anyone
                         but he spoke to me
                      and I tell you there was
                 nothing 'retarded' about that one
                        his intelligence was
                        as sharp as a knife
      
                      You should have seen the
                   special room he had set apart
                     in his house as a library
                 There were hundreds upon hundreds
                       of books and books not
                   just in one but many languages
                  books about religion philosophy
                              and art
                      he once loaned me a book
                      about the Cathars but I
                      am not a fast reader and
                      couldn't understand some
                         of the references
                       I took the book to the
                      priest and he grew angry
                       at me having it in my
                     possession and he made me
                          count the rosary
                        That's when my wife
                     started in about the evil
                       and the devil worship
                         But I still think
                        he was only curious
                         and as I told them
                         there can't be any
                            harm in that
                        But the priest kept
                        telling me it was a
                          dangerous thing
                     to be curious about things
                       that don't concern one
                    and that a christian should
                       only be concerned with
                        the word of our Lord
                     and that anyone who thinks
                       that is not enough and
                      has to be curious about
                  other words is gravely mistaken
      
                       I repeated this to him
                        one sunday afternoon
                     in the tavern and he just
                    laughed that knowing laugh
                      which seemed to somehow
                      reassure one that he was
                      right and all the others
                           were mistaken
                         Yes I said but how
                            do you know
                           How do I know
                             I feel it
                         That's how I know
                           I feel it here
                            In my heart
                             in my body
                             in my mind
      
                      Look around you he said
                          it's everywhere
                         it's in the fields
                           and in the sky
                       the trees the animals
                             the people
                       it's in the smoke that
                       rises from the chimneys
                      and the ice that covers
                        the ponds in winter
                         it's in the crops
                          and the sunrise
                             the sunset
                        it's in every birth
                          and every death
                    It;s in every word we speak
                     every song a sparrow sings
                     every laughter every tear
                    every moment that we breathe
                   and every moment that we don't
                         It's here and now
                       and its right now also
                   in the past and in the future
                      It permeates everything
                      every cell in every body
                   and every cell in every plant
                    and every pore in every rock
                      and every grain of sand
                        You can't escape it
                         You are part of it
                     Why does the part have to
                       worship the whole when
                     the part is a constituent
                     of the whole and the whole
                        can't be without it
                      It's an all-togetherness
                         one does not exist
                         without the other
                         one exists within
      
                        It's nothing you can
                          learn from books
                       books might only alert
                             you to it
                       or even keep you from
                       the realization of it
                       but it's something you
                       have you have to find
                            for yourself
      
                        But the priest said
      
                             The priest
                     what does the priest know
                    let the priest to his rites
                        and let you to yours
                     each of you has a purpose
                               he his
                             you yours
                               I mine
                  surely we can all live together
                      without coming to blows
                           and arguments
                      as far as I am concerned
                    there is but one philosophy
                            one religion
                             one truth
                     the reason we can't agree
                    is that we have been so long
                       dispersed that we have
                      all these divergent ways
                     of looking for that truth
                  and we haven't come together yet
                         but that will come
                    we are on the verge of a new
                       togetherness a new era
                 where we will truly find ourselves
                         and live in peace
      
                  I think he was a true visionary
                 and as the New Testament tells us
                   visionaries are never welcome
                        in their own village
      
                            Neighbors I
      
                     A strange class of people
                       Mixing and not mixing
                         I don't think they
                    really knew what they wanted
                     Oh they were quiet enough
                   and I don't think they fought
                      much or if they did they
                           kept it quiet
      
                    The kids were pretty normal
                    But the boy kept to himself
                      a lot and sometimes that
                       got him picked on but
                     otherwise nothing special
     
                       We're all hard working
                     people and most of us mind
                          our own business
                        That's what they did
                          and that we did
     
                      She used to help out at
                        bake sales and such
                          but never really
                      socialized much with us
                        Her friends were all
                          from out of town
                       and the few times they
                         had townsfolk over
                     was mostly on the holidays
                     like Christmas and Easter
                        and obviously at the
                          harvest festival
                        Everyone goes there
     
                      He was a very quiet but
                       very hardworking chap
                     and very mindful of others
                         If anyone needed a
                       helping hand he would
                     be one of the first there
                      Especially in the fields
                    And I guess because of that
                      we were there when they
                      needed any kind of help
     
                     Things were hard this year
                        with very poor crops
                     and we all banded together
                         to get through it
                      His crop was not better
                        or worse than others
                       so there was no reason
                      for him to be depressed
                       of anything like that
                     It was just the way it was
                    We all had bad years before
                 and know this life is up and down
                       Can't do much about it
     
                       Most of the neighbors
                      accepted them just like
                  any others living in the village
                       They weren't rich and
                         they weren't poor
                       I think they were just
                          like anyone else
     
                       Anyone who thinks their
                      private life was anyone
                      else's business is out of
                          leagues with me
                      We all have our domestic
                   problems and we all solve them
                             on our own
                      I suppose they had their
                        own share of marital
                     difficulties for after all
                          we're all human
     
                      One woman tried to start
                     and ugly rumor that he was
                  somehow in league with the devil
                     because he read all these
                     strange books in languages
                    that no one else could read
                     but we let her know pretty
                    well what we though of that
     
                  Even the priest was fond of him
                      although he would never
                       admit it to any of his
                            parishioners
                    after all he has a standard
                             to uphold
                         (or so he thinks)
                       but he's a good priest
                          (as priest's go)
                          and he keeps his
                        bible in his pocket
                         That's the way it
                           should be done
     
                       Yes it was a terrible
                       tragedy when he drove
                           off that cliff
                    There was a lot of mumbling
                   that his wife drove him to it
                      but I say that there was
                        no reason to suspect
                          any of the kind
                    as I said I think that they
                      were a family just like
                             any other
                      but somehow the mumbling
                          wouldn't go away
                     and soon after the funeral
                       she took her children
                            to the city
                     I think that was probably
                           the best thing
                        she could have done
                       under the circumstances
                     Just to give them a brake
                        A change will always
                            do one good
                     especially when things as
                        tragic as this occur
     
                       I know that their farm
                         is in trouble now
                      and that his father can
                     no longer do it all alone
                    That's why I propose that we
                    form some kind of committee
                     and see what assistance we
                             can bring
                       They helped us when we
                            were in need
                       it's time now that we
                     showed what this community
                 is made of when we stand together
     
                     Tragedy can happen to all
                    of us and when that day will
                     come it will come fast and
                    unexpected I will guarantee
                      and we must be prepared
     
                      The most important thing
                     at this time is to get the
                             harvest in
                      as lean as this year is
                       there is nothing else
                        that we can turn to
                         A man must provide
                           for his family
                       That's the first thing
                     Creditors and polititians
                           can come last
                        Whether now or then
                        they'll get their due
     
      
                                 *
     

                          THE TWELFTH DAY

                            If you still
                            cannot merge
                          with the greater
                              entities
                        because of your awe
                        and fear and because
                         you a overwhelmed
                        by their appearances
                      then on the twelfth day
                    the dark-green blood drinkers
                     will shine upon your being

                          With three faces
                           and six hands
                          and four firmly
                            rooted feet

                           The right face
                            being white
                         and the left face
                                red
                          the middle face
                             dark green

                          with a majestic
                             appearance
                         unmatched anywhere
                           in the heavens
                           of the earths

                          Grasping in the
                          first right hand
                      a stainless steel sword
                       and in the middle hand
                          a trident-staff
                          and in the last
                        a heavy wooden club

                            And holding
                       in the first left hand
                         a great brass bell
                       and in the middle one
                       a bowl of human skull
                          and in the last
                           a plough share
                          to dig the earth

                        his body embraced by
                          the great mother
                           her right hand
                        clinging to his neck
                       and the left offering
                       red shell to his mouth

                   It is the father/mother united
                        emanating in unison
                       from the north quarter
                           of your brain
                        and they will shine
                          as one upon your
                         path to guide you
                          to the fullness
                           of the merging
                            with the all

                          Do not fear them
                          Be not terrified
                           Don't be awed

                      They are the embodiment
                      of your own intelligence

                         There is no reason
                            to be afraid

                          They are really
                      the great father/mother

                          believe in them
                             be humble
                          be fond of their
                             qualities

                           recognize them
                         for what they are
                          and you will be
                         instantly absolved
                       of any past endeavors
                          you have failed

                       through such knowledge
                        you will merge with
                           and attain the
                          desired one-ness
                           in the process
                             of the all

                                ---

                           Through these
                         selected teachings
                          you will be able
                          to recognize them
                            as emerging
                           from your own
                            intelligence

                            for instance
                   as one who knows a lion's skin
                        to be a lion's skin
                        and not a real lion
                     is is not overcome by fear
                    yet if it is a stuffed lion
                       and one does not know
                     that it is not a real lion
                       then one will fear it
                      but being told the truth
                       fear will conquer fear

                              likewise
                         the blood drinkers
                          with thick limbs
                         and as huge as the
                      vault of the firmament
                          will inspire awe
                             and terror
                           but as soon as
                      these teaching are heard
                           one recognizes
                         that these images
                      come from one's own mind
                           then when the
                         Clear-Light Mother
                   and the secondary clear-light
                   and the off-spring clear light
                            is perceived
                          they will blend
                          with an intimate
                            togetherness
                       and you will no longer
                       be alone and separate
                           but will merge
                         with the great ALL

                                ***


                       CHORUS - Tavern Keeper

                      He used to come in here
                         for an hour or so
                         late at night and
                        settle in the corner
                       over there by the fire
                         and drink his wine
                       alone and with a book
                          intently reading
                          smoking his pipe

                          I'm sure he came
                           after his wife
                            and children
                          were asleep and
                            didn't know
                          that he was here

                          He never mingled
                          and no one dared
                            disturb him
                          even though most
                         were curious about
                        what he was reading
                         Mostly books in a
                          strange foreign
                         language from what
                            I could tell

                        One day when he went
                       to relieve himself he
                       left one of his books
                         on the table and I
                       went over to see what
                       was and the title read
                        'Tibetan Book of the
                      Dead' or some such thing
                      I'm sure that it had the
                          word dead in it
                         and when I told my
                       wife later that night
                        she started in with
                       things about the devil
                      and black magic and such
                           Mostly rubbish
                     (You can tell when she was
                       talking to the priest)
                    But even I found it strange
                       that someone would be
                   reading a book about the dead
                     I mean a young man such as
                     he was and then later when
                     it happened what's one to
                           make of it all

                      I spoke to him about it
                   the next day and he explained
                       that it was about the
                    'intermediate stage between
                    dying and living' isn't that
                         a strange concept
                      between dying and living
                     rather than between living
                             and dying

                       My waitress said that
                    she thought it was a strange
                     thing to read such a book
                     and that she felt awkward
                     when she had to serve him
                       So I served him myself

                         He explained to me
                         that over in Tibet
                        dying was considered
                        an extension to life
                    and that there was a bridge
                       which connected death
                       to life and that each
                       of our 'essences' (he
                      stressed that word) was
                      reborn into another body
                         after we had died
                        and our mind entered
                       an intermediate state
                        to prepare us for a
                              new life

                         He explained that
                        That there were six
                        realms of existence
                         and these six were
                      the realms of the gods,
                       the demigods, humans,
                       animals, hungry ghosts
                     and the realm of the hells
                       and that each of these
                       realms were the direct
                      result of either pride,
                    jealousy, desire, ignorance,
                          greed and anger
                    and that all of these realms
                     emanated from our own mind
                        and that when we are
                     reborn we are reborn into
                      one of these conditions
                      for instance when we are
                       reborn into the realm
                         of the gods we are
                        in actuality reborn
                       here in this world as
                       a person but with one
                       the traits of the gods
                      so that we might be born
                       as a rich man who has
                     everything catered to him
                        but lives in so much
                     luxury that he is blinded
                        to the true reality
                       and so it is with the
                        other states as well
                      each state corresponding
                        to a state of being

                         He explained to me
                         that over in Tibet
                        dying was considered
                        an extension to life
                    and that there was a bridge
                       which connected death
                       to life and that each
                       of our 'essences' (he
                      stressed that word) was
                      reborn into another body
                         after we had died
                        and our mind entered
                       an intermediate state
                        to prepare us for a
                              new life

                         He explained that
                        That there were six
                        realms of existence
                         and these six were
                      the realms of the gods,
                       the demigods, humans,
                       animals, hungry ghosts
                     and the realm of the hells
                       and that each of these
                       realms were the direct
                      result of either pride,
                    jealousy, desire, ignorance,
                          greed and anger
                    and that all of these realms
                     emanated from our own mind
                        and that when we are
                     reborn we are reborn into
                      one of these conditions
                      for instance when we are
                       reborn into the realm
                         of the gods we are
                        in actuality reborn
                       here in this world as
                       a person but with one
                       the traits of the gods
                      so that we might be born
                       as a rich man who has
                     everything catered to him
                        but lives in so much
                     luxury that he is blinded
                        to the true reality
                       and so it is with the
                        other states as well
                      each state corresponding
                        to a state of being
                           here this life
                           here this life

                      At first I was skeptical
                    about what he was telling me
                    but as I listened I got the
                       feeling that he really
                     believe the things that he
                        was telling me about
                         And I must confess
                        that I began to look
                        forward to our late
                        evening discussions
                       although I found some
                       of what he said quite
                      peculiar and pretty hard
                         to believe myself
                      But it's not my business
                     what another man believes

                       I guess he didn't have
                        his wife to talk to
                   Not about this subject anyway
                  In one respect I can sympathize
                   a wife would have a hard time
                        with a man like that
                           Always distant
                        Always with his face
                         buried in a book
                      and his head filled with
                       strange foreign ideas
                         But as long as he
                       provides properly for
                          his family it's
                          probably just a
                         harmless diversion
                        not like some I know
                          who come in here
                        and drink themselves
                       out of their existence



                                 *


                         THE THIRTEENTH DAY

                            If you still
                           cannot action
                          the desired end

                            then on the
                           thirteenth day
                             the eight
                        malevolent entities
                            the Kerimas
                           the Htamenmas
                            all of them
                           with the heads
                          of animals which
                           embrace their
                             qualities
                             will issue
                           from your own
                              resolve

                       on the thirteenth day
                         the eight Kerimas
                         will shine on you
                           from the east
                       quarter of your brain

                          Do not fear them

                           This is how to
                           recognize them

                         The white Kerimas
                      will hold a human corpse
                         in the right hand
                       and skull-carved bowl
                          filled with hot
                           steaming blood
                            in the left

                          Do not fear them
                        Do not run from them
                    Their shades are terrifying
                    Yet they have much to teach

                        The yellow cemetery
                        guardian will appear
                            in the south
                           holding a bow
                             and arrow

                          and in the west
                          the Red Pramaha
                        holding a water-lion
                          banner flapping
                            in the wind
                         will appear to you

                          and in the north
                          the Black Patoli
                        holding thunderbolt
                         and a blood-filled
                        bowl of human skull
                        will argue with you
                             intellect

                       in from the south-east
                          th  Red Punkase
                          holding bloodied
                             intestines
                         in his right hand
                       and with her left hand
                         and stuffing them
                           into her mouth

                       and in the south-west
                            you will see
                           the Dark green
                              Gsasmari
                           her left hand
                          in possession of
                           a blood-filled
                         skull shaped bowl
                       and in her right hand
                       stirring the contents
                         with a thunderbolt
                            drinking it
                            with relish

                       and in the north-west
                          the yellow-white
                             Tsandhali
                          tearing asunder
                        the dismembered head
                            of a corpse
                         holding the heart
                         in her right hand
                      and stuffing the corpse
                       into her gaping mouth
                           with her left

                       and in the north-east
                        the dark blue Smasha
                           appears to you
                           tearing apart
                         a the disembodied
                          head of a corpse
                          and munching it
                         as a between meal
                               snack

                        these eight Karimas
                      of the eight directions
                     will shine brightly on you
                       surrounded by the five
                        supreme conjunctive
                       blood-drinking fathers

                      Do not be afraid of them
                         they are elements
                       that emanate from your
                             inner self
                        they show you things
                        that you have hidden
                    Let these be revealed to you
                    let these be made conscious

                         From outer portion
                           of this great
                            wide circle
                        the eight Htamenmas
                            of the eight
                       portions of the brain
                             will shine
                        their lights on you
                         with an unmatched
                          brilliance that
                            will startle

                        do not hide from it

                            In the east
                           the Dark-brown
                                Lion
                           hands crossed
                             before his
                           heaving chest
                       and with clamping jaws
                         he holds a corpse
                        in his foaming mouth
                          shaking his mane
                              proudly

                            In the south
                            you will see
                             the fierce
                          and glowing-eyed
                          of the Red Tiger
                         his hands crossed
                             in repose
                         grinning with his
                          glistening ivory
                          snow white fangs
                         and his prominent
                          protruding eyes

                            In the west
                         the black fox-head
                        will parade proudly
                           his right hand
                      in possession of a razor
                         and his left hand
                       holding the intestines
                            of a corpse
                       licking and relishing
                             the blood

                          And in the north
                         the Dark-blue Wolf
                         his two hand busy
                          tearing through
                           an open corpse
                       his two protruding yes
                         bursting with the
                          desperate hunger
                        of a starving beast

                       and in the south-east
                      the Yellow-white Vulture
                            will appear
                         proud and powerful
                       carrying a huge corpse
                      on his mighty shoulders
                        and holding a ragged
                          skeleton in his
                          claw-like hands

                       And in the south-west
                          see the Dark-red
                           cemetery bird
                        carry a giant corpse
                         upon his shoulder

                       And in the north-west
                           the Black crow
                          in his left hand
                    holding a skull-carved bowl
                            and a sword
                            in his right
                          eating the heart
                             and lungs
                          of what was once
                           a human being

                       In the north-east then
                         the dark-blue owl
                    holds within its right hand
                           a thunderbolt
                          and a skull-bowl
                            in its left
                         eating the remains

                       These eight Htamenmas
                            who encircle
                     the blood-drinking fathers
                  have evolved from your own brain

                             Know this
                          Do not fear them
                          they are founded
                            in your own
                            intelligence


                                ***

                          CHORUS - Priest

                       This is a small parish
                    Consisting mostly of farmers
                         A few shopkeepers
                             one tavern
                           I guess to say
                         your average small
                            closely knit
                         forming community

                       All in all most folks
                           lead a simple
                             pious life
                             hard work
                          and even though
                       you don't see the men
                           much in church
                            their women
                          attend regularly

                          There isn't much
                       trouble except perhaps
                         a few riotous boys
                          boisterous on a
                           saturday night
                          when they return
                           from the city
                           but all in all
                          it's no different
                        from a hundred other
                        quiet little hamlets
                         that dot the area

                          The case of the
                          supposed suicide
                          is a strange one
                        although there is no
                         outright evidence
                               of it
                         somehow the rumor
                             was begun
                       and spread throughout
                           the community
                           until everyone
                            thinks it so
                             A very sad
                            predicament

                          I saw no reason
                        to not give a proper
                         funeral after all
                           he was a fine
                             young man
                           even though he
                        did have one or two
                        minor peculiarities
                          in his thoughts
                           about religion

                         but that's really
                         not surprising in
                           this community
                        the men all seem to
                         be their own judge
                        of what they believe
                         is right or wrong
                          and most of them
                            really don't
                              trust me

                          There is still a
                        hint of the heretic
                           belief in them
                         which is something
                          that's been here
                        for a thousand year
                         and I don't think
                         will ever be truly
                             eradicated
                        These men are wolves
                         and to bring them
                           into the fold
                        would be to have to
                          tame them first
                         a task that's been
                         beyond me and may
                           the great God
                             forgive me
                           something I've
                          all but given up

                          But this one was
                         even more than all
                        the others different
                         He seemed to long
                           for spiritual
                           development and
                         when he grew up he
                            had had many
                          questions to ask
                            of me about
                             the Gospel
                            and the word
                         I even entertained
                         thoughts about him
                         becoming a priest
                      so much so I recommended
                         him to the bishop
                           but instead he
                           married rather
                          abruptly and that
                          would be the end
                               of it

                             But still
                         through the years
                     we had many conversations
                      about spiritual matters
                         and he was always
                        so inquisitive as to
                           read books on
                       comparative religions
                           and one by one
                           rejected them
                        as being not the one
                        that would lead him
                           "to the truth"

                          I once asked him
                         what he though the
                         "truth" was and he
                         answered that the
                       "truth" was "as false
                    a reality as reality itself"
                   It didn't make any sense then
                         and I still don't
                       understand what he was
                             getting at
                         But I never forgot
                           the phrase and
                            think about
                              it often

                          Toward the end
                           he was reading
                           many books on
                         Buddhism and would
                           cloud his mind
                      with many superstitions
                         and strange ideas
                        about reincarnation
                           and unsavory
                          things like that
                          I told him that
                         it would be better
                      if he studied scripture
                         and made his peace
                              with God
                         than chasing down
                          all these false
                              avenues
                           He just looked
                          at me an smiled
                           as if he were
                          someone who knew
                            what he was
                           talking about

                           I still think
                           it was a waste
                           that he never
                       entered the priesthood
                         there's no telling
                            how high he
                          might have risen

                              His wife
                           contrary to the
                            other women
                           in the parish
                       did not attend church
                          and did not much
                          involve herself
                          in the community
                       duties the others did
                        I think she was more
                            inclined to
                            city living
                        than small town life
                       She was always dressed
                       in the latest fashions
                               and I
                            as many did
                         wondered how they
                          could afford to
                         after all the farm
                       did not bring in much
                        income and they had
                        barely enough money
                          to pay the rent
                            on the house

                           But never once
                       did they ask for help
                          either from the
                         other parishioners
                         or from their own
                             relatives
                           I think it was
                         a source of pride
                         or maybe they were
                        just too ashamed to
                          admit that they
                         needed assistance
                            In any event
                          I guess they did
                               get by

                          But one thing I
                          must say is that
                          he never shrank
                          from his duty as
                            a family man
                      and he was always there
                        to help others when
                          they required it
                         In that way he was
                         a man of integrity
                          and I commended
                            him for that

                         I was sorry to see
                         that she seemed to
                      have so little sympathy
                           for his death
                         I did not observe
                       any tears in her eyes
                       and she seemed at all
                       time fully in control
                             of herself
                         in fact it almost
                            seemed to me
                        (may God forgive me)
                           as if she took
                          this as another
                           social affair
                          where she could
                        entertain her friend
                        I even observed her
                        laughing on occasion
                        with a group of men
                        It certainly was not
                        becoming behavior
                         for a woman at the
                       funeral of her husband

                       After that she wasted
                          no time leaving
                             the parish
                            staying only
                           long enough to
                         take care of legal
                               things

                       I prayed several visits
                      to her on that occasion
                       and I found her quite
                          cold and distant
                             toward me
                          It was as if she
                        had never lived her
                       but was only visiting
                        on behalf of someone
                       who had just lost her
                      husband and not a widow

                        She was a completely
                          different person
                        than the one I knew
                        when her husband was
                            still alive
                       It's difficult for me
                         to understand such
                      abrupt changes in people
                      But I've seen it before
                        Especially in people
                         who do not want to
                      accept the consequences
                        of what has happened

                          Perhaps she will
                          one day realize
                          that dying is a
                        part we all have to
                          accept and deal
                          with separately
                        and that each of us
                        is not so different
                           from the other
                             after all

                         Such petty things
                           that bother us
                            in this life
                          how can we ever
                             find peace
                            in the other

                         Let us hope he has


                                 *


      
                         THE FOURTEENTH DAY
      
                      So on the fourteenth day
                         the female keepers
                            of the gate
                          will also issue
                         from the quagmire
                           of your brain
      
                        Be able and willing
                         to recognize them
      
                       from the east quarter
                           of your brain
                          the White Tiger
                           killing a goat
                         and holding in her
                         left hand a relic
                         bowl of skull bone
                         will appear to you
                       covered with the fumes
                          of red hot blood
      
                         and from the south
                          quarter of your
                          brain there will
                         appear the yellow
                         pig-nosed emanation
                        twirling through her
                         fingers the ragged
                          burlap noose of
                        slow decaying death
                         she will represent
                              remorse
                          and worst of all
                         it's your remorse
                          at knowing what
                           you had before
                          you came to this
      
                            In the west
                         there will be seen
                           the true lion
                           entity holding
                          and iron throne
                       from which to dispense
                           judgment and
                         the mighty wisdom
                          you should heed
      
                          and in the north
                         the green serpent
                         entity will appear
                        holding a great bell
                         and the bell tolls
                         for you as well as
                        gathering the senses
                        into one clear light
                        this bell will have
                       a perfect low pitched
                           rumbling sound
                        and you will notice
                           how it soothes
                           a tired beast
      
                         these are the four
                         female gate-keeper
                         entities who will
                        manifest themselves
                        from hidden patterns
                           in your brain
      
                          the twenty eight
                      diverse headed entities
                            the Herukas
                        will form the outer
                       circle encircling the
                         thirty malevolent
                              entities
                         and all will shine
                     with a bright magnificent
                          light down upon
                       with a flaming passion
                         you cannot resist
      
                          Do not be afraid
                      They are the projections
                        of your own thoughts
      
                       Then there will arrive
                           from the east
                            a dark-brown
                         yak-headed entity
                      clutching a thunderbolt
                            and a skull
      
                        and a reddish-yellow
                           serpent entity
                           holding forth
                           a lotus flower
      
                         and a green-black
                           leopard entity
                           holding forth
                             a trident
      
                       and a blue inquisitive
                           monkey entity
                             spinning a
                            great wheel
                        this is the mandala
                            of your life
                            Heed it well
      
                        and a red snow-bear
                           virgin entity
                       holding a short spear
      
                          and a white bear
                           entity holding
                        a noose twined from
                          human intestines
      
                         these six entities
                            will emanate
                       from the east quarter
                           of your brain
      
                          do not be afraid
      
                           from the south
                       the yellow bat-headed
                        entity of delightful
                     favours stands before you
                          holding a knife
                         to shave you with
      
                      and the red peace loving
                           makara entity
                       will manifest herself
                        holding an great urn
      
                        and the red scorpion
                           entity kneels
                             before you
                            with a lotus
      
                           and the white
                          kite moon entity
                          will hold a bolt
                            of lightning
      
                         and the dark-green
                             fox entity
                         brandishes a club
      
                        and the yellow-black
                     tiger entity practitioner
                         holding skull-bowl
                     filled with steaming blood
      
                          these six stout
                           practitioners
                           from the south
                            will radiate
                        from your own brain
                       and as they cover you
                         in their radiance
                          let their light
                           flood into you
                         permeate each cell
                       and do into be afraid
                          there is no harm
                      but good that it can do
      
                         and from the west
      
                          the green-black
                           vulture headed
                          consumer entity
                             will cry a
                           terrifying cry
                         and clutch a baton
                          in her claw-like
                         emancipated hands
      
                        the red horse-headed
                           delight entity
                        holding an enormous
                           corpse's trunk
      
                        and the white eagle
                            power entity
                           holding a club
      
                         and the yellow dog
                        practitioner holding
                          a lightning bolt
                            in one hand
                            and cutting
                           something else
                            with a razor
      
                        and the red hoopood
                           desire entity
                      holding a bow and arrow
                        aimed at your heart
      
                         and also the green
                         wealth stag entity
                           holding an urn
      
                      these six practitioners
                           from the west
                       emanate from your own
                        inner mind and will
                           shine brightly
                           on your future
                          do not fear them
      
                           from the north
                           the blue wolf
                            wind entity
                        will wave a pennant
      
                          and the red ibex
                            woman entity
                            will hold a
                           pointed stake
      
                         and the black sow
                            sow goddess
                         will hold a noose
                              of fangs
      
                          and the red crow
                          thunder entity
                          an infant corpse
      
                       and the great elephant
                       entity holds the hand
                          of a huge corpse
                         drinking its blood
                            from a skull
      
                        and the blue serpent
                            water entity
                       holds a serpent-noose
      
                      these six practitioners
                           from the north
                        will come and shine
                               on you
                          having radiated
                           from your own
                             inner mind
                          Do not be afraid
                        of their resplendent
                           show of force
      
                       the four practitioners
                            of the door
                        will also come forth
                          from the depths
                           of your brain
                         and shine brightly
                            down on you
      
                           from the east
                          the black mystic
                           cuckoo entity
                        holding an iron hook
                           will taunt you
      
                        while from the south
                         the yellow mystic
                            goat entity
                            will appear
                           waving a noose
                          in front of you
                        as a divine warning
      
                           from the west
                           the red mystic
                            lion entity
                         will come rattling
                            iron chains
                           symbol of your
                             slavery to
                          corporeal things
      
                         and from the north
                       the green-black mystic
                           serpent entity
                      will shine a terrifying
                            brightness
                           which envelops
                           all the others
      
                      these four practitioners
                            all emanate
                        from your inner self
                           and they will
                       shed their effulgence
                       on you with a purpose
      
                      since these twenty-eight
                      mighty entities project
                         through the great
                                 PS
                           the six Heruka
                           will recognize
                              them all
      
                             o wanderer
                       these peaceful deities
                       radiate from the realm
                          of the ever void
                             know them
      
                         and the malevolent
                          entities emerge
                         from the radiance
                        recognize them also
      
                              and now
                         as the fifty-eight
                           blood-drinkers
                       emerge from your brain
                          know them to be
                            the radiance
                      of your own intelligence
                         and you will merge
                            at once into
                        a one-ness with the
                           blood drinkers
                        and gain the highest
                        presence of the all
      
                       If even at this point
                        you cannot recognize
                          the significant
                       of all these entities
                         and at this point
                           flee from what
                             the offer
                        then you will wander
                        forever in the realm
                         of the ever-return
                           and there will
                            not for you
                         this time be rest
      
                         The largest of the
                         peaceful entities
                          and the greatest
                         of the malevolent
                            entities are
                          equally as vast
                           and omnipotent
                           as the limits
                           of the heavens
      
                          Yeah! As big as
                           Great Mt Meru
      
                            The smallest
                          are equal to the
                          eighteen bodies
                           like your own
                           heaped on top
                           of one another
      
                          Be not terrified
                          of that - do not
                              be awed
                           If you realize
                            these shapes
                           and radiances
                            as your own
                        then you will attain
                         the moment of the
                             never-ever
                               return
                         and you will merge
                     with the all-encompassing
      
                       Know that there is no
                        terror in your heart
                      that you cannot surpass
      
                       If you do not realize
                          the visions that
                          appeared to you
                      then all the malevolent
                       entities merge as one
                       great wrathful entity
                        and show themselves
                      to you as you have never
                      been shown the fear that
                      stalks your mind before
                    and you will be condemned to
                       wander ever and a day
                        in the great return
      
                        If you still do not
                     recognize the shape of all
                            these things
                     as evolving from your own
                        mind then the great
                          entity of death
                     will shine as a brilliant
                              shining
                       with the largest body
                       and the greatest body
                        equal to the heavens
                       and the middle bodies
                     as great as great Mt Meru
                      and the smallest bodies
                      eighteen times the size
                              of yours
      
                         And they will fill
                         all of the systems
                         of the world order
                       with their upper teeth
                        biting the lower lip
                       and their glassy eyes
                       and their hair knotted
                     on the top of their heads
                       and their pot bellies
                      and their narrow waists
                       holding a black-board
                             to record
                            your record
                        and your punishment
                     shouting "Strike!" "Kill!"
                     and licking a human brain
                        and drinking hot red
                            human blood
                         and tearing at the
                          heads of corpses
                       tearing beating hearts
                         from living bodies
                      that is how they'll come
                         to fill the worlds
      
                        Again I beseech you
                            O wanderer!
                          do not be afraid
                         of what is spawned
                          out of your own
                            imagination
                       these entities are not
                       constructed of matter
                  emptiness cannot harm emptiness
                         You need not fear
                           For other than
                          within your own
                            imagination
                           these entities
                            cannot exist
      
                         Knowing this your
                          terror should be
                             dissipated
                         you should be able
                       to see things as they
                             really are
                      beyond the vast illusion
                            of your life
      
                           Realizing this
                            Recount this
                           supplication:
      
                      "I am wandering through
                             the Tunnel
                             Rescue me!
                            Hold me up!
                       I am wandering through
                             the tunnel
                        do not forsake me!"
      
                       To the blood -drinkers
                            offer this:
      
                        "When I am wandering
                      through the ever-return
                     Overpower these illusions!
                      May the benevolent ones
                         and the malevolent
                             ones also
                        lead me on the path
                           of attainment!
                        On the path of light
                           May I abandon
                       fear, awe and fright!
      
                     May the manevolent entity
                          save me from the
                        fearful darkness of
                            this tunnel
                            and guide me
                            to the place
                               of the
                       perfectly-enlightened!
      
                        When wandering alone
                       separated from friends
                      when one's own thoughts
                     project frightening images
                      May I overcome the fear
                        and awe and terror!
      
                        May the five bright
                          lights of wisdom
                           lead me on to
                            recognition!
      
                          May the fearful
                      and the wrathful bodies
                      obtain for me assurance
                             and faith!
      
                         May the guardians
                        dissipate my misery!
      
                      May the sound of reality
                        convert to the sound
                    of the six clear syllables!
      
                     May compassion protect me!
      
                       May the five elements
                        not rise against me!
      
                          May I behold the
                            five orders
                     of the fully enlightened!"
      
                             Be earnest
                          and repeat this
                            supplication
                            seven times
      
                   The one who does these things
                      and overcomes adversity
                         will be fortunate:
                        The one who remains
                       frightened like a stag
                      chased by a phantom dog
                          will forever run
                        through the cycle of
                          recurrent events
      
                           You have heard
                      What do you have to say?
      
                       CHORUS - The Wanderer
      
                                 *
     
                             CONCLUSION
      
                           The traveller
                         the "journey-man"
                              listened
                            His fear was
                           like a jungle
                              downpour
                            on his brow
                          His eyes darted
                        darted gazelle-like
                          over unknown and
                           danger-wrought
                             territory
      
                          What do you want
                              from me?
                         What have I done?
                               Alive?
                         And I still alive?
                        What is this place?
                          Dead? Am I dead?
                          Is this reality
                          or just a dream?
                        What type of dream?
                           What are these
                        voices that at once
                       soothe and terrorize?
                       that at once instruct
                            and confuse?
                        that at once comfort
                            and obscure?
                           I am so unsure
                           of where I am
                           what I'm doing
                          even what or who
                            I used to be
      
                          Is there nothing
                         I can understand?
                       How have I come here?
                          Perhaps someone
                          brought me here?
                         I don't remember -
                       Everything is blurred
                           It's so alien
                              A cave?
                         Is this a cavern?
                       There's an echo here -
                              Or is it
                           other voices?
      
                          Did I see demons
                        or did I see angels?
                        Did they beacon me?
                      Did they scurry me away
                            from what I
                         should have done?
                         But what should I
                             have done?
                         What should I do?
                      What is the right thing?
                             Do I know
                          the right thing?
                           Do I even know
                           what's right?
      
                          There have been
                          so many voices!
                         So many differing
                              images!
                         They have confused
                        my mind and my eyes
                        that they are still
                        numb from gathering
                          the possibility
                         of what they meant
                       I have been so dazzled
                         by their radiance
                        So taunted by their
                              comfort
                            so set aback
                          by their ability
                            to question
                         what my motive is!
      
                           I don't know!
                           I DON'T KNOW!
      
                       I must make a decision
                             It is time
                          Time to unravel
                             the moment
                     Time to swing the pendulum
                        one way or the other
      
                            It's a tide
                      rumbling fast toward me
                       I can hear the thunder
                            of the ocean
                        I can smell the salt
                           heavy-heaving
                       like a great pressure
                               on me
                           A great burden
                          on my shoulders
                      And that I should leave
                          this burden now
                             behind me
                         That I should feel
                           the comforter
                        the bright radiance
                       exploding is the night
      
      
                         But I also have a
                           great anxiety
      
                         Is there a danger
                            in the wind
                        But there is danger
                            in the swell
                        The wind just brings
                          the premonition
                     The wind is the messenger
                         The advance column
                             It nudges
                             It taunts
                       It urges you to action
      
                           And the voices
                        What are the voices?
      
                             The oracle
                   The oracle that sets the wind
                          toward the soul
      
                          Why am I afraid?
      
                       Let me catch my breath
                          Let me confront
                        The past and future
                          and the present
                           with a stamina
                          I have not known
                               before
                            Let me climb
                               slowly
                              solemnly
                              intently
                            out of here
                        out of this dark pit
                          out of what this
                         tunnel has become
                               to me
      
                        And with the vision
                          the voices clear
                             and solemn
                       the voices of warning
                           and the voices
                             of despair
                              of loss
                        yet also the voices
                             of intent
                           and the voices
                            of our hopes
                             and dreams
                            and feelings
                           and desires -
      
                           The voices of
                            Solicitude!
      
                           I will have to
                       make a clear decision
                         But what decision
                            will I make?
                           What decision
                            can I make?
                           What decision
                           should I make?
                          And will I have
                            the courage
                            to make it?
      
                            That is what
                          confronts me now
                        and all the shadows
                           cannot help me
      
                             I am cold
                            I am hungry
                          I am so afraid!
      
                      I remember these voices
                    there was some kind of light
                          a piercing light
                    which was too bright for me
                             to look at
                           a white light
                             blue light
                           a yellow light
                          and a red light
                    there was such illumination
                   that the senses were enveloped
                          in a hazy gauze
      
                      but there was something
                             about them
                     something about the voices
                           which somehow
                      seemed as if to soothe me
                      they told me what to do
      
                      if only I could remember
      
                      yes and there were also
                          soothing lights
                      dull warm glowing lights
                     which seemed to beckon me
                         like safe and warm
                           mother's arms
                           I was greatly
                       attracted toward them
                           but something
                            held me back
      
                      i wish i could remember
                            what it was
                        there was something
                            i was to do
                               or say
                          something about
                          the ever-return
                       or the ever-salvation
                          in the great all
      
                             it's hard
                           to concentrate
      
                                ...
      
                       There in the distance
                           a light shines
                          I must go to it
                       I must reach the other
                        end of what is there
                        I know it is of the
                         utmost importance
                        I must renew myself
                           I must let go
                            of the past
                        There is little here
                          that consoles me
                           these memories
                            are memories
                          of another time
                          of another life
                          had I ever been
                            that person
                          that personality
                           no longer can
                               exist
                         the circumstances
                           are completely
                             different
      
                                 *
      
                            Take a step
                              (pause)
                              insecure
                               afraid
                              careless
      
                         Take another step
                              (pause)
                                fear
                               desire
                              unknown
      
                      C'mon, take another one
                            ok, ok, ok,
                              I did it
                        the corridor is dark
                          what's out there
                        I can't see a thing
                           is anyone here
                        is anyone, out there
      
      
                           THE BEGINNING
     

