   
   
   WILL I EVER REMEMBER YOU?
   
   (Fragments and Drunken Bellows)
   
   BY 
   
   KLAUS J. GERKEN
   
   (1997)
   
   
   
   
   
   POSTURING
   ~~~~~~~~~
   
   What are these voices floating in the blood-red air?
   Hot voices like sulfur burns a parching throat?
   Is there something no one understands or knows?
   Is it something like a shadow, or a question float-
   ted on the sphere of disinformation? How to cope?
   When everything revolves around you like a corpse
   Sometimes the weather is a phenomenon...sometimes not.
   
   Only the internal shadow knows the shadow...
   And only the external shadow knows the sun.
   
   
   
   
   
   THERE'S A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   If I haven't poisoned you enough
   I curse my thinking
   and my blasted broken heart...
   What did I ever think was reality?
   Half dosing and adream..
   passion flavoured like a cloud
   racing to infinity
   dispersed my only hope
   of ever seeing you again...
   Did we ever have a moment to ourselves?
   Something everyone desires.
   But even that is worse for some of us
   Princes and or Kings...
   Beggars never manage much glitter,
   But perhaps the stars shine brighter
   in an alley...
   Suffering is a magnet
   and the magnet cannot get away...
   We pray...
   We pray for those 
   who are still alive and suffer...
   we pray for those who suffer 
   even though they are set into a reprimand...
   we pray for those who are duty bound
   and those who are not...who
   teach us different values...
   different rules
   to the same old game...
   You would just say "listen,
   you and I were one, even if it's rumored that
   Christ is of your blood...somehow
   a child playing with the simplest toys 
   expresses everything..."
   
   Slow parade...
   those who weep weep kernels of their surety
   Those who clap clap for the premise
   of a perfect understanding; grief is all
   that we can share...nothing less than fear
   for what we cannot understand..
   
   We always cry...hold my hand 
   hold my hand
   hold my hand...
   
   6 09 97/29 12 97
   
   
   
   
   
   HAPPINESS IS FLEEING WITH A STAR OF DUST IN A VACUUM CHAMBER
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   I was once a beggar
   in a gypsy caravan
   loved this blue eyed woman
   with a face of chocolate tan
   she was wild as she was pretty
   beauty flowed from every pore
   she was wild and I would tame her
   in the cavern of her lord
   
   
   
   
   
   SONG THAT WASN'T ANYTHING BEFORE
   BUT IS A SACRIFICE WHEREWITH THE MOMENT
   IMPLODES WHERE THE LOVER MAKES A FATAL
   MISTAKE RESULTING IN THE RETRIEVAL
   OF THE TREASURE OF THE MOMENT IN THE 
   FOOTPRINT OF THE LOST EQUIVALENCY
   OF A BAKER'S DOZEN RETRIBUTION:
   GATHER ONIONS.
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   I know you want me to be strong
   I know that many times I'm wrong
   sometimes the fool just must awake
   in the alley of mistakes
   
   and is there nothing i can do
   to get a message through to you
   will you forgive a foolish man
   who has given all he can
   
   sometimes i don't know when
   sometimes i don't know why
   is it love or is it hate
   that's the endless fools debate...
   
   where's the semblance of our lives
   cornered in a false disguise
   what is ours we do not own
   hard of labour, hard alone
   
   where there's silence in the wind
   know the storm's just round the bend
   shelter is our only hope
   learn to love and learn to cope
   
   sometimes i don't know when
   sometimes i don't know why
   is it love or is it hate
   that's the endless fools debate...
   
   19 09 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Job detail I
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   A fool does not disparage;
   His eyes can never be evil.
   But a wise man knows the burden
   of choices gone awry.
   Where honour is discouraged,
   the nightingale sings--
   where have you been my love?
   why are you away from me?
   The echo resounds like a wild prayer
   in a dead dark monastery,
   and who should be there
   but the devil himself.
   "Hey, devil," you ask, "why alone?"
   "because I left my choices till too late."
   
   14 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Job detail II
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   When you do something wrong;
   The master laughs and slaps his thighs.
   
   When a master falters;
   You pick yourself up off the ground.
   
   14 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Job Detail III
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Expect nothing from no one;
   least of all your friends.
   
   One smile breaks another:
   weather one more frown.
   
   14 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Job Detail IV
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Sometimes one must regress
   to walk the common inch forward,
   where, to the unknown shadow
   we freeze, fate turns the unknown corner.
   
   Life's a vicious disease:
   we hold everything in purpose.
   Least of all, do we remember,
   the floodgates decimated by the
   
   forgotten promises we made.
   Sometime ago we were innocent 
   of double speak...now we are the
   
   experts in an art of compromise
   that is no less than pure deception.
   Grace won't help us recommend a cure.
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   FINAL WORDS
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Sir Walter Raleigh wrote:
   Give them all the lie..
   The quest for truth forgotten,
   they could not even remember 
   
   a solid single truth
   that a man might might
   rescue in man (I
   mean no disrespect to women)
   
   Lately I've been feeling lost
   amongst the shadows of an unknown
   purpose.  Dante notwithstanding,
   
   there falls a shadow over those who
   refuse to offer restitution: may 
   they suffer half as much as I have done.
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Job Detail V
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   I have no purpose but to live..
   motion me another difference...
   I performed like a circus animal
   in a cage for you too often...
   
   You say there are special circumstances...
   might well be...but it doesn't differ-
   rentiate one moment from the other:
   push pull is the pull push on the other side.
   
   And didn't I give you everything?
   But the moment was cross-purpose--
   water doesn't turn to wine without some faith...
   
   You have none...just plush bureaucracy.
   Excuse me while I laugh: High ideals are one thing,
   but the best pizza's still consumed where whores collect. 
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Job Detail VII
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Aim correctly first.  The poison dart
   Only works if it hits the target.
   
   But if you suffer from being misunderstood,
   just remember, a million years from now,
   
   bones and dust will be your memory.
   While the pyramids will crumble, open,
   
   broken, steady, remnants of a gift,
   so many sought for; mankind lost...
   
   yet still we bow to history...magnanimous...
   the butterfly knows more than we...
   
   to be in peace we must know everything...
   The universe knows everything...
   
   There are greater parasites to cure...
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Legacy
   ~~~~~~
   
   Dust.
   Remember dust.
   'cause that is
   what we are.
   
   And when the 
   wind blows quiet...
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Silence
   ~~~~~~~

   You are the silence of my intuition:
   Purposeful and quiet: reprehensible.
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   LOVE?
   ~~~~
   
   When was the last time we made love?
   10,000 years ago 
   when the autumn leaves were brown.
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   RETRIBUTION
   ~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   You have been my passion,
   but at a cross purpose.
   The revolution vanished,
   you were left alone.
   Frightened you cowered in a moment
   rather than a sex appeal.
   Were you motion, were you dream?
   I think you were an angel
   Though I don't believe in God.
   I might believe in god's purpose,
   but I don't believe in God's salvation.
   Years ago I wrote that
   God is dead...
   God's still dead.
   I bow to the Buddha
   The shanga 
   and the disrespect
   Christ got on the cross.
   
   I make no bones about it
   
   As the proverb says:
   fear always stops the one you cheat...
   
   15 10 97
   
   
   


   Did you ever fear the telephone?
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   It was a million years ago
   when the weather was like ice
   and the coat i wore was nice
   but not heavy enough
   there was panic in the air
   there was shouting everywhere
   there was a flavour of intent
   there was a silence that was meant
   
   and i don't know how to account for it
   the telephone rang but i didn't answer it
   
   it was tomorrow it was today
   there was a memory a strange replay
   what were you doing what was i?
   were we together apart or telling lies?
   were we listening to klaus gerken
   were we really occupied
   with the emptiness of feeling
   with a stranger's appetite?
   
   and i don't know how to account for it
   the telephone rang but i didn't 
   want to answer it
   
   *********
   
   
   
   
   
   Dante
   ~~~~~
   
   The great poet died
   way beyond the Heaven
   he created.
   
   And the Hell below
   applauded in respect
   at having known his memory.
   
   And all knew hope,
   because his Purgatory
   was his life on earth.
   
   21 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Slaves
   ~~~~~~
   
   Only the most exceptional slaves gain fame;
   And then, only those who die for their beliefs.
   
   21 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Missed Target
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   You are not a poison arrow:
   You are just a crooked bow.
   
   21 10 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Pussy Song (aka will we ever get along)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Standing at the corner
   of murrey and cumberland
   you're so hungry
   that you forgot to eat
   and the pills you took
   you took them neat
   and the rain's so heavy
   all the whore's are lost
   beneath the blinding lanterns
   of a moth's blind frost
   
   No one thinks here
   just reclaims the instinct
   mankind's lost so long ago
   There's no hope remaining
   50 bucks buy's you pussy
   another 50 buys you dope
   
   And the strip joints are all dusty
   and the smokes like an appeal
   there's a poison in the shadow
   and the show thinks you're real
   if you think that there's a purpose 
   to your living like a heel
   life's a yellow yellow vomit
   make sure you don't step on the 
   black banana peel...
   
   the whiskey heavy on your breath
   and your vision's not so pure
   there's a woman in your bed tonight
   but she may be just another whore
   there's no denying you are lonely
   lost and frightened but you stay
   remaining like the yellow shadow
   that give the most of you away...
   
   23 Oct 97
    
   


   
   Will I Ever Remember You?
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Will I ever remember you?
   I will but it won't be like you want me to
   It's the death of everything we thought about
   It's the life we always wanted to
   but never lived
   It's the magic moments
   First virginity, then death..
   who plays favorites?
   who's the devil, who's the friend?
   
   warring factions know each other
   lovers never do...
   
   no but yes
   i will remember you
   
   24 oct 95
   
   
   
   
   
   The Stone Wasn't Rolling, But It Was A Stone...
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   This person stopped me on the street the other day
   Said man you've got a shadow pray the shadow goes away
   
   I got up from my commitment and I accosted what he said
   He moved these many mountains but I was not impressed
   
   I said show something different, a thousand dancing girls appeared:
   impressed I was quite honest, i'd love them if they were real...
   
   He vanished for a moment..the reappeared and hoped 
   that I might just submit to what is standard in a place no one can cope
   
   You give me retribution i said without a smile
   the devil wasn't happy he refused to be consoled
   
   so i left this hell without him and ran toward the dorm
   where thirty women offered to help me keep him warm
   
   for i knew the devil wanted what he could not rape in death
   love in any measure...love he can't regret...
   
   24 10 97
   
   


   
   Night Alone 
   ~~~~~~~~~~~
   
   Frightened
   
   5 Nov 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Betrayed
   ~~~~~~~~
   
   Did you remember this too?
   You couldn't have.
   My experience was unlike any other.
   I was alone.
   You were not with me
   As I danced naked on my bed
   A man appeared
   And forty years later
   I awoke...
   
   Looking at that face again
   It was such a common face
   that I felt sorry
   for what I had done to him
   
   A child dancing
   naked
   on a bed
   alone...
   
   12 Dec 97
   
   
   
   
   
   The Lesson
   ~~~~~~~~~~
   
   I sent my girlfriend home
   even though she looked forward
   to staying with me...
   why? I haven't got a clue...
   I wanted to be alone when she was there
   and then when she was gone
   I desperately needed her to be with me...
   
   Perhaps that is it...the lesson
   I will never let her go again
   Alone is only useful for that lessons...
   
   I never learned that lesson...
   
   12 Dec 97/ 29 Dec 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Hope
   ~~~~
   
   This is the great ice,
   (Thinner than we have imagined)
   that we walk upon
   wanting warmer weather.
   
   12 Dec 97
   
   
   
   
   
   Cyclical
   ~~~~~~~~
   
   Children,
   just like little puppies
   frisking in the snow.
   
   Bundled up and tumbling
   down the powdered slope
   of fantasy
   
   into the great ravine
   of future obligations.
   
   And while children own the future,
   adults mend the past.
   
   29 12 97
   Gerken
   
   
   
   
   
   Quest
   ~~~~~
   
   Anticipating the great
   snow storm of the century
   we notice a certain quite
   in the wilderness of stones
   
   The flaps upon the flagpoles
   do not wave as readily
   and the sky is overcast
   in defiance to our need
   
   Of course the sun makes 
   no appearance...
   which forces no one to accept
   responsibility for it's radiance
   
   Whiffs of smoke hang heavy
   in the limped air
   gaining neither altitude
   not longitude
   
   And pedestrians with bags of
   frozen food
   walk with a tired gait
   from store to car
   
   One tree across the road
   still has brown dead leaves
   which the fall's decay
   did not shake loose
   
   A dull dark ghostly
   remnant of our yesteryears
   And future days replete with
   dull anticipation
   
   Where we do not mend our fences
   and collect no labour for the task
   Where the brightness of the shadow
   Haunts us like a dereliction...
   
   It will be alright be alright
   A mothers soothing whisper
   in the eardrum of a child
   Oh what have we done!
   
   A palisade of wonder
   touches like a stone
   grips us, shallow footed salamander,
   turns us into bone....
   
   I am not alone
   I am not alone
   They say A shadow without sunshine
   dissolves into the mist
   
   Mist of dreams desires
   mist of  what might be might not
   mist of future apprehensions
   mist of   opportunities to lose
   
   I met a woman long ago
   who offered me a dream
   her beauty was the pride of panthers
   waiting on the kill
   
   She promised me an insight
   to mysteries concealed
   from human intuition
   which mortals could not taste
   
   But death revealed it's laughter
   and frightened I recoiled
   against this lovely woman
   eyes of opal and of gold
   
   She vanished through the fire
   Of a desiccated moon
   I deserted no surrender
   She beckoned me to enter
   
   The cavern of her mouth
   I cowered in her beauty
   Hastily retreated
   Lest I drown I drowned!
   
   There was a turbulent estrangement
   Like a gorge with out a bridge
   The sky was crimson melting
   And the ground was china blue
   
   I don't what transcended
   The fog was in my eyes
   She turned into a vulture
   And circled night and day
   
   As like in a vast desert
   I thirsted like a drunk
   No salty fish was offered
   No brandy cut my wounds
    
   The sand was caked upon my lips
   Parched as bales of hay
   This siren circled me once more
   And brushed me with her wing
   
   And suddenly so lifted up
   into the clear blue sky
   I saw the vistas of the moon
   and fell into the arms of fate
   
   Fate just smiled and cast me in
   to what was pleasant then
   I wasn't yet to be afraid
   but lost my turn at dice
   
   Hard the wind like arrows
   shot right through my brain
   drowning, I was followed
   followed I was lost
   
   A child recited nursery rimes
   A dog howled at the moon
   A cat screamed in an alley
   And a woman bled too soon
   
   It wasn't what I wanted
   I needed to be real
   I was hurt and I was empty
   I suffered cold black steel
   
   But wait I wasn't drowning
   I was dreaming in a bed
   a bed of nails and feathers
   a bed of rancid flesh
   
   "I cannot yet believe you"
   I shouted to the wall
   The wall became a pillar
   Of  heavy crumbling salt
   
   I visited the ocean
   I was rabbit in defeat
   The citadel of Venus
   Reflected hours of passion
   
   Hours of passion vanished
   When love became too real
   The blossom opened hollow
   And the bee was caught within
   
   The vines grew ever thicker
   The night was black blue ink
   No penny spent in heaven
   Rotated as it should
   
   The streets were quite deserted
   The monk made many deals
   A naked woman gloated
   And danced like she was thin
   
   With hours that never vanished
   And a pride that never emptied
   The scorpion solution
   Was a giving that no one wanted
   
   But the bramble bush was parched
   From the sun that never shone
   No berries on the berry bush
   And no poison antidote
   
   I was crying like a prophet
   In a wilderness of stone
   Cars and trucks assaulted me
   I ran away to hide
   
   But all the shops were empty
   The pendulum swung low
   Computers were the merger
   We were forced to undergo
   
   But plastic might survive me
   I said without a smile
   But you were here before me
   I argued with the wind
   
   I shook my head and wandered
   Home to look for salt
   It wasn't I was hungry
   Amadeus played once more
   
   He even had poor Ludwig
   Curse Lord Byron's feet
   And Don Juan retorted
   By leaving him alone
   
   But the pot-bellied dwarf
   sat upon the ceiling
   and resorted to exclaiming
   missals to Cathar Church
   
   Yet after all was said and done
   Lady Godiva fell backward
   off her off-white steed
   into the puddle-mirror of her beauty
   
   and the king of rhinestones
   laughed through hazy indiscretions
   needing all the world he was so
   stonily hiding from
   
   "I Am A Rock" never had it so good
   The song was wasted on the young
   But the elders couldn't listen
   They were already rocks themselves
   
   But the Cathars vanished
   through the underground of History
   Saumier thought otherwise
   and he may yet be proven right
   
   But other matters first
   The silence of the lamb
   Adam's Rib or how does time create
   a retrograde creation?
   
   No real solution
   A crime has been committed
   and the scientist will solve it
   Or so they tend to think
   
   So it's the last of the wine
   Etna Rosso 1994 Ulysse
   Much too heavy for tonight
   Makes my belly swell like rubber
   
   And feeling very tired
   INXS on Muchmusic
   'Trust..like the air we breathe...
   Yeah, you gotta loose some sleep..."
   
   But that was years ago
   And video tape brings a blur
   to what was once and what is now...
   History's already in that retrograde
   
   We never knew existed...
   
   So, the night has come so fast
   that no effort was expended...
   No shadow seen
   no shadow expected....
   
   New moon above the clouds...
   The storm is very near...
   Play it by ear...
   accept the fear...
   
   In the great hall
   On is lost among the echo...
   In the great hall
   one is judges so small
   
   the insignificance is smaller
   than a gluon
   holding quarks together...
   misty silence in the universe.
   
   291297
   
   


   
   Exploration
   ~~~~~~~~~~~ 
   
   Searching for the beginning
   None of us must now
   that we have come this far
   
   One elevator ride from eternity
   shatters all endeavors
   
   and alone is never more
   a sacrifice.
   
   291297/311297
   



   
   All Poems Copyright (c) 1997 Klaus J. Gerken
   
   Published by:
   Ygdrasil Press
   Site: http://www.synapse.net/~kgerken
   Email: kgerken@synapse.net
   Newsgroups: alt.centipede
               alt.ygdrasil
               alt.ygdrasil.film
