Memo, October 30, 1995

October 30, 1995

Dear Colleagues:

I surrender. Professors Zavarzadeh and Morton have once again ripped the veil away from the subtle machinations of the CWP and the university. The material for the issues of the The University Magazine and Connections to which they refer ("a massive propaganda campaign to repair the damage done to that program's reputation... in the aftermath of the sexual harrasement committed by Professor Stephen Dobyns") was in fact collected in January of last year, months before the incident took place. How clever of them to see through this ploy--to understand that what we were doing was arranging a Borgesian cover-up in advance of the event to be covered up! We thought we were way ahead of the curve, but what can you do against minds like these?

And they are also to be praised for their brave resistance to our occupation of the dean's book case. Never mind that we have had almost no work represented there during the last 15 years, and that the occasion for the current display is a CW symposium to be held here in early November, after which our books are to be returned to us... the point is, we're guilty of crowding out “the most innovative boundary work done on the international scene” end selling “narcotics” to “the people," and, darn it, we've got to pay.

I propose the following indemnity, I hereby pledge half my salary to a foundation to be called The Zavarzadeh and Morton Trust for the Welfare of Intellectual and Critique-al Culture Workers, to provide nursing for those afflicted with the brain-death that inevitably follows prolonged exposure to the thought and prose of those for whom the trust is named.

Red-handedly yours,

/s Tobias Wolff
Tobias Wolff

Clerk of the Ruling Class, Teacher's Pet

cc: Dean Robert Jensen, Interested members of the University and
the community.