From: goldsman@cc.gatech.edu (Michael G. Goldsman)
Date: 3 Nov 92 00:21:28 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,misc.headlines,talk.politics.misc,rec.humor,alt.politics.elections,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton,alt.politics.usa.misc,soc.culture.usa
Subject: The Official Internet Quayle Quote List (Part 1 of 2)

PART 1 OF 2

============================================================================
The Official Internet Quayle Quote List.       Last updated November 2, 1992
============================================================================
             **SPECIAL 1992 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION ISSUE**

I. DISCUSSION:

    Who is going to win the election? That's the $25,000 question. 
Poll A shows Clinton with a 10 point lead; poll B shows Clinton with
a 2 point lead.  Come election day, there is only one poll which will
matter: the Poll of Destiny.  I certainly hope that list will help to 
secure Dan Quayle's rightful place in history.   Nevertheless, no matter 
what the outcome of the election is, this list will serve as a testament 
to the work of one of America's greatest.  I do not wish this list to be used 
for a political purpose;  it transcends politics and the petty concerns of 
the Left and the Right, the Conservative and the Liberal, the Alpha and 
the Omega, the Zulu and the Zayde... 
    If Mr. Quayle should lose on election day, do be sure to visit him at 
his new place of employment where he will be working with as much energy and
ability as he brought with him to the White House. Be sure with to offer him 
words of encouragement. Of course, quickly answer his query of "Do you want 
fries with that?" For others are waiting in line behind you, all eager to 
revel the nourishment which the Vice President will eagerly provide for each 
of them.  And yes, if the bill turns out to be $3.01, Dan will offer the penny
out of his own pocket so as to spare you the stress of carrying around four
pennies.  Of course, he will expect the same noble sacrifice from you, in this
arena of honor, if the bill should turn out to be $2.98.
    Grieve not for his seeming defeat.  For if the naive American public
should strike him down, he will become more powerful than they can ever 
imagine. The efforts of the media elite (as opposed to the cultural and 
Hollywood elite), the cultural elite (as opposed to the media and Hollywood 
elite), and the Hollywood elite (as opposed to the media and cultural elite) 
to turn our country into a socialistic, pacifistic, owl-preserve are doomed 
to failure.  
    If, however, the Vice President is reelected, this list will continue to 
grow and blossom as a tiny seedling becomes a gigantic oak tree.  Its branches
will stretch from sea to sea, and its shade will shelter us all.  Birds
will build great nests, and children will dance and play within its protective 
domain.  A new day will dawn, and Quayle's wisdom will usher in a new age for 
mankind.  No more abortions.  No more murders. No more environmentalists.
No more God-Damned Canadians winning the World Series.   America will
be a long string of green lights in the intersections of life.
    And so, my dear reader, when you enter that voting booth on Tuesday 
November Third, participating in the sacred tradition of the secret ballot, 
remember this list well.  Before you cast your vote, remember that the last 
years of this century will set the tone for the 21'st century. The 90's are 
the last decade of the 20'th century. They are in the 20'th century.  They
have a pivotal role in the 20'th century. They are a time in the 20'th century 
that is right now.  Use your vote to send an express-mail message to the Vice 
President telling him how much his own speech and actions have reflected upon 
his credibility as Vice President. Show how comfortable you are with the 
prospect of Dan Quayle being a heartbeat away from the presidency for 
another four years.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
II. Notes:

1.  There are sure to be typoes and bugoes throughout, and
    I would appreciate it if people would tell me about them.

2.  If anyone has sources for any of the quotes without sources,
    please tell me.

3.  Could someone with old issues of "The Quayle Quarterly" go through
    and see if they may have published quotes which I don't yet have.
    (I am toying with the idea of shelling out $36 for a complete set...)

4.  Not all of these quotes, are "funny" per se, but each, in its
    own unique way, does define and help us to better understand the
    complex person we know as Mr. Vice President.


III.  The Quayle Gospel

============================================================================
The Official Internet Quayle Quote List.       Last updated November 2, 1992
============================================================================
Thanks to:
     James Allenspach   jima@buhub.bradley.edu 
     Patrick Anderson   patricka@gandalf.rutgers.edu 
     Marc Andreessen    marca@ncsa.uiuc.edu 
     Tim Antonsen       antonsen@hpcndaw.CND.HP.COM 
     Daniel Ashlock     danwell@iastate.edu
     Subodh Bapat       mailrus!uflorida!rm1!bapat@uunet.uu.net 
     Pushpak Bapat      psbapat@mtu.edu 
     Tom Barron         tob@raider.raidernet.com
     William C. Barwell popec@unkaphaed.UUCP 
     Patricia Bender    bender@riscee.pko.dec.com 
     John Berger        jberger@novell.com
     Howard Black       cfthb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu 
     Heather Blair      h431@midway.uchicago.edu
     Dan Bloomberg      bloomber@parc.xerox.com
     Forrest Cahoon     cahoon@cs.umn.edu 
     Emil Chuck         eyc@acpub.duke.edu 
     Al Clark           clark@netcom.com 
     Michael L. Cole    mlcole@nevada.edu
     Phil Corless       apucorle@idbsu.idbsu.edu
     Jerry Cox          sasjec@asimov.unx.sas.com 
     Brian Curran       brian@meaddata.com 
     Richard Darsie     darsie@eecs.ucdavis.edu 
     Ron Dippold        rdippold@drzeus.qualcomm.com
     Tim Dodge          dodgeT%moravian.edu@relay.cs.net
     Jeff Frane         gummitch@techbook.com 
     Greg Franklin      f67700241@violet.ccit.arizona.edu
     Dave Goldsman      sman@zomboy.isye.gatech.edu
     Marcia Goldstein   bagel@vpnet.chi.il.us 
     Maddi Hausmann     madhaus@netcom.com 
     JV Heiskanen       jvh@mits.mdata.fi 
     Jeff Helgesen      jmh@morgana.pubserv.com
     Lisa Henn          lisa@boa.cis.ohio-state.edu 
     Jeff Henning       jeh@redwood.cray.com
     Daniel Hinojosa    hinojosa@hpwrc07.hp.com
     Ynua Huh           yuna@athena.mit.edu 
     Mike Kahlke        mkahlke@atk.com
     Peter Klausler     pmk@craycos.com 
     Elizabeth G. Levy  egl1@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu
     Jeff Luck          jeff@testmac.ces.psu.edu
     Craig MacFarlane   craigm@chateau-rouge.ics.uci.edu 
     Eric McCaughrin    mccaughe@cad.berkeley.edu 
     Stephen C. Miller  stcmille@copper.ucs.indiana.edu
     Shamim Z. Mohamed  sham@cs.arizona.edu
     John Murray        dylan@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu
     D. Alex Neilson    neilson@skat.usc.edu
     Alex Orenshteyn    alexo+@cs.cmu.edu 
     Patrick Pape       pape@miller.cs.uwm.edu
     Jan Peerson        peerson@neyman.ucdavis.edu 
     David K. Poulsen   poulsen@csrd.uiuc.edu
     Luis Poza          lpoza@sfsuvax1.sfsu.edu
     Mike Procopio      grimmy@cbnewsi.cb.att.com 
     Jim Puccio         puccio@media.mit.edu 
     Stephanie Racette  sr4171a@auvm.american.edu
     Yngve Raustein     raustein@athena.mit.edu
     Dave Regan         regan@jacobs.cs.orst.edu
     Ken Richards       kenr@cabezon.uucp 
     David Ruderman     ruderman@sbcs.sunysb.edu 
     Herbert Rutledge   train@gvls2.gvl.unisys.com 
     Scott Safier       corwin+@cmu.edu
     Jeffrey Shallit    shallit@graceland.uwaterloo.ca
     Eric Smith         erics@sco.com
     Sierra Sponaugle   sponaugl@silver.ucs.indiana.edu 
     Dave Stephenson    dstephen@cmsa.gmr.com
     Jim Summers        summers@asylum.cs.utah.edu
     Matt Thomas        tbirds@atlas.unm.edu
     Ken Tubman         dprkmt@arco.com 
     Scott Vaughn       scott@vaughn.hon.msu.edu
     Julio Vidal        vidal@mitvma.mit.edu
     Matthew Wall       wall@cc.swarthmore.edu 
     Marc Wasserman     mwasserm@diana.cair.du.edu 
     Rod Williams       rjwill6@pacbell.com 
     Rick Zaccone       zaccone@rigel.cs.bucknell.edu 
                        dwhitney@hamp.hampshire.edu
                        dascoser.bbs@cybernet.cse.fau.edu
                        HRGST2@vms.cis.pitt.edu


and me:

     Mike Goldsman      goldsman@cc.gatech.edu

                        36004 Ga Tech Station
                        Atlanta, GA 30332
                        (404) 894-7302 (w)
                        (404) 872-5146 (h)

Please send me any additions/corrections to this list.
It seems to be growing faster than I can keep up !!!


============================================================================
This compilation is copyrighted material. I encourage you to distribute
it as widely as possible, but do not charge anything for it other than 
the actual distribution costs.      Copyright (c) 1992 Michael Goldsman
============================================================================
Bobby Knight told me this: "There is nothing that a good defense 
cannot beat a better offense."  In other words a good offense wins.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, in a speech to the City Club 
                   of Chicago, comparing the offensive capabilities of the 
                   Warsaw Pact with the defensive system of NATO, 9/8/88 
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Right now we have a theory of mutually assured destruction that supposedly
provides for peace and stability, and it's worked.  But that doesn't mean
that we can't build upon a concept of MAD where both sides are vulnerable
to another attack.  Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable
peace, a better prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the
first place to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction
to defensive capability.  I believe that is the route this country will
eventually go.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle discussing nuclear weapons at 
                   a speech in Chicago.  (reported in the NY Times 9/9/88)

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle
                   US News and World Report (10/10/88)

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th 
                   anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance 
from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are 
canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. 
If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Those same asteroids which promise material riches can be a threat as well.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/1/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that 
is right here.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, 4/25/89 
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by 
itself. It is a -- it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states 
are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle when a woman at a hospital in 
                   Colorado Springs asked Mr. Quayle last week whether Hawaii's 
                   universal health-care plan might serve as a national model.
                   (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92)

What a waste it is to lose one's mind.  Or not to have a mind
is being very wasteful.  How true that is.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while
                   speaking to the United Negro College Fund, 5/9/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I can see the hate that was there; I can see the bigotry. I can see
it from his perspective.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing his impressions
                   of "The Autobiography of Malcolm X."
                   (The Wall Street Journal, 6/8/92 - taken from 
                    The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

You all look like happy campers to me.  Happy campers you are, happy
campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
will always be.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
                   whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo," 4/25/89  
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean
in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't
live in this century. 
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The New Yorker, 10/10/88, p.102)

[The US] condones violence in El Salvador.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle reveals what people have
                   known for years. 1/31/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
of human rights--the elimination of human rights in accordance with the
pursuit of Justice.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 2/3/89
                   (reported in The Chicago Tribune, 2/4/89)

El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices
to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a
single voice.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

One learns every day.  Experience is a great teacher.  By experience you
learn.  But as I enter office, I'm prepared now.  Obviously, I will be
more prepared as time goes on.  I will know more about the office of the
presidency.  But I'm prepared now and I will be more prepared as time goes
on.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle 
                   (reported in the NY Times, 1/14/89)

If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican
		   Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
                   Also reported by Rueters, 5/2/90

It's rural America.  It's where I came from.  We always refer to ourselves
as real America.  Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/20/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Somewhere between real and real real.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle pinpointing their location to reporters 
                   aboard the Quayle campaign plane.  
                   (reported in Wall Street Journal, 10/21/88)


Let me say it one more time.  It is ill-rel-e-vant.
               -- Senator Dan Quayle testily responding to repeated questions 
                  about his parents' involvement in the John Birch Society.  
                  (reported in the Washington Post, 10/10/88)

Because. Because I say it isn't.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why questions about
                   his parents' ties to the John Birch Society aren't 
                   relevant, 10/9/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Target prices?  How that works?  I know quite a bit about farm policy.
I come from Indiana, which is a farm state.  Deficiency payments -
which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
                   define the term "target prices."
                   Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press 
                   conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.

I'm not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, 
what I articulate to the American people.  The American people will judge me 
on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle

I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle

We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed
without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/6/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
                   Also reported by Newsweek, 9/5/88

I guess you'll have to ask the details to the management, I am here.
The Governor and I are announcing this today. It was just signed off on
by the Secretary of Defense as something that we have been monitoring,
and the Governor obviously has been very involved in this. And we're
making this announcement today.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a factory near Detroit 
                  in August, 1992, showing just how familiar he was 
                  with the details of a $300 million plan to upgrade the 
                  Army's M-1 tanks.  (reported in the NY Times 10/7/92)


[The US is] naked, absolutely nude, to attack [by Soviets]
		-- Senator Dan Quayle at the Ohio State Fair, 
                   8/20/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Vietnam is a jungle. You had jungle warfare. Kuwait, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, 
you have sand.  [There is no need to worry about a protracted war because] 
from a historical basis, Middle East conflicts do not last a long time.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to Latin America.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brought to you by Michael Goldsman  goldsman@cc.gatech.edu   copyright 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of 
the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP,
two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in
Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia.
Unbelievable. 
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.

May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
                -- The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card. 
                   [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to 
                   the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after
                   the San Francisco earthquake of 1989.
                   [this may be a joke; the source is unclear.
                      but it's still funny]

I got through a number of things in the area of defense, like showing the
importance of cruise missiles and getting them more accurate so that we can
have precise precision.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle referring to his legislative
                   accomplishments.  (reported in The NY Times 8/26/88)

I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that 
have had a difficult time.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at 
                   an Ohio steel plant, 1988

Senator Bentson talks about recapturing the foreign markets.  Well, I'll
tell you one way that we're not going to recapture the foreign markets, and
that is, in fact, we have another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter
grain embargo.  Jimmy Carter's grain embargo set the American farmer back.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle
                   Washington Post transcript (10/6/88)

Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and
I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of
situations. And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news
conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does
that answer your question?
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, when asked what he would do if he 
                   assumed the Presidency,  10/10/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I had not had that question before.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why, during the Bentson
                   debate,  he couldn't say what he would do if he suddenly 
                   became president, 10/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of
Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber
ducky drowned in the bathtub.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle addresses the issues during the 
                   1988 campaign, 9/13/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

That is not a yes or no question.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle during a somewhat heated exchange with 
                   reporters in 1988. Quayle indicated he would only accept 
                   "yes or no" questions for the rest of the session.  Here, 
                   he refuses to answer a question of whether he's offered to 
                   take his name off of the ticket, 8/19/88 
                   (reported in the Washington Post, 8/2088, p. A6)

Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm
my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more
handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports
                   that his aides have had to, in effect, "potty train" him.

I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this country.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/27/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/30/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92 and the Los Angeles 
                   Times, 10/30/88)

Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge 
it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we're going forward to 
tomorrow or whether we're going to go past to the -- to the back!
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/17/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I am the future.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/18/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I have made good judgments in the Past. 
I have made good judgments in the Future. 
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

The future will be a better tomorrow.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I have a very strong record on the Environment in the United States Senate.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 1988

We'll let the sunshine come in and shine on us, because today we're
happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle to students at a high
                   school in Miami with the highest dropout rate of the
                   city, 10/26/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the
world.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/21/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
United States!
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I'll have to check with my dad.
                -- Dan Quayle responding when an Indiana GOP county chairman 
                   asked him to run for Congress in 1976. 
                   (reported by the Washington Post, 10/2/88)

I do- I do- I do- I do- what any normal person would do at that age.
You call home.  You call home to mother and father and say, "I'd like
to get into the National Guard."
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/19/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today, I'll confess.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle responding to questions in 1988 about 
                   allegations that he used family connections to get into 
                   the Indiana National Guard.  
                   (reported in the Washington Post, 8/26/88)

When you get into conflict, and regional conflicts, I mean, you have to
have certain goals, and a goal cannot be really a no-win situation.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle attempting to explain his military 
                   service during the Vietnam war. 
                   (reported in the Washington Post, 9/6/88)

Obviously, if you join the National Guard, you have less of a chance
of going to Vietnam.  I mean it goes without saying.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle discussing his draft record 
                    on NBC's "Meet the Press," 9/20/92.
                    (reported in the Houston Chronicle 9/21/92)

	Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with
the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the
definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A
mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the
family, but that is a family and family values.
	I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have
a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I
believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in
our platform, is to talk about it.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/27/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

	I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we
want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my
family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three
children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all
have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of
civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family.
And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this
Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family
means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing
that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle on the upcoming Thanksgiving
                   holiday, 11/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

[Americans will soon observe the 20th anniversary of] Neil Armstrong and
Buzz Lukens' walk on the moon.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual 
                   assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 7/15/89 
                   Los Angeles Times (7/16/89)

...Buzz Lukens took that fateful step...
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle continuing to confuse the sexual 
                   assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 7/15/89 
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Okay, I won't open it until then
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been 
                   presented with an empty box that was to contain 
                   a gift from a sailing team in South America. 
                   He was told that the gift was not ready yet, 
                   but that it would be presented to him when they 
                   arrived in the United States. 

You always learn something by reading the classics.  Particularly The 
Prince.  I go through and look at this from this intellectual point of 
view.  Machiavelli had these three classes of mind.  The first class was 
the person that was creative enough to be leader and be able to lead a 
great nation without much help.  The second class of mind was one that 
wasn't creative but could take ideas, put people around him, and be able 
to lead nations forward.  And the third class of people didn't really know 
much of anything.  And they were the worst kind of leaders, because not 
only were they not creative, but they didn't know what was right or wrong, 
and they just sort of went by whatever they felt like. 
I've tried to figure out where I am.  I know I'm not the first because I don't
think I have the creativeness that Machiavelli talks about.  If I go back and
reread it I might figure it out exactly where I put myself.  I'm somewhere
between two and one.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book
                   "The Prince," 9/28/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

And it was a very good book of Rasputin's involvement in that, which shows 
how people that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and 
have a tremendous impact on history.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book
                   "Nicholas, and Alexandra," to Hendrick Hertzberg of the 
                   New Republic, 9/28/88 (reported in Savvy Woman, 1/89, p. 56)
         
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to
catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone
forever.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/4/89 
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
        
I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. 
He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective
we've had in a couple of hundred years.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle

Intrapersonal.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle describing his relationship with Bush 
                   on the campaign trail in Irvine, California. 
                   (reported in the NY Times, 8/28/88)

I would like to express my sympathy to all those impacted by this disaster.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle standing in front 
                   of the collapsed section of highway caused by the 
                   Loma Prieta quake. (CNN)

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Brought to you by Michael Goldsman  goldsman@cc.gatech.edu   copyright 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San 
                   Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I couldn't help but be impressed by the magnitude of the earthquake.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, stepping out of
                   the helicopter upon arrival at Alameda Naval Air
                   Station.

Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn
and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types
of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that
would help you, they were dressed up in things that said 'I believe in Santa
Claus.' And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in
George Bush.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle at a garden center and produce store 
                   in Baltimore (from the Los Angeles Times, Douglas Jehl, 
                   11/6/88)

It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing,  
so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to oil spill clean-up 
                   workers at Prince William Sound, May, 1989

The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him
when I arrive.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to oil spill clean-up 
                   workers at Prince William Sound, May, 1989

They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we 
are helping, and we're going to continue to help.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing federal involvement
                   in the Chicago floods.  (Chicago Tribune, 4/24/92 -
                   taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
	        	-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/30/91
                    
We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We 
have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of
interest.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, when purchasing a South 
                  American Indian Doll that, when lifted, displays an 
                  erection, 3/11/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away 
from the text, it's always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and
there.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle defending himself
                   (LA Herald Examiner 10/3/88)

Public speaking is very easy.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

The mike works. That's very important to make sure the mike works, and
ours is working well.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle informing reporters of a successful 
                   sound check before the VP debate, 10/5/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I am not part of the problem; I am a Republican.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle 

They asked me to go in front of the Reagans.  I'm not used to going in
front of President Reagan, so we went out behind the Bushes.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the swearing in ceremony 
                  on Inauguration Day, 1/20/89. No, he's not discussing his 
                  sanitary habits. (reported in the NY Daily News, 1/21/89)

I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle (Newsweek 4/9/90)

I'm the Vice-President. They know it, and they know that I know it.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about his political 
                   enemies, 3/13/89  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I've never professed to be anything but an average student.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle during the 
                   VP debate in Omaha, Nebraska (10/88)

Hey, Roger, does... on, on this, you know, if I'm gonna, if I, if I
decide on my gesture over there... is that all right?... You don't mind?
		-- Senator Dan Quayle asking Roger Ailes's advice 
                   on a debating gesture, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I, I can't tell you exactly what we do on that pain and suffering in the ---- 
[He then looked off-stage to Kevin Moley, the deputy secretary of the
 Department of health, for advice]
Kevin, what do we do on the pain and suffering on our malpractice proposal?
[He listened briefly to Moley's explanation]
So, it doesn't address it specifically. 
The state -- the states could in fact -- what we basically do is -- 
try to do -- is get the states to come up with medical malpractice 
legislation. We have, I think it's five criteria in our suggested 
recommendations. But once they meet the five criteria, then they get a 
favorable distribution from us if they meet -- basically forcing the states 
to adopt this medical malpractice legislation, and that's the way 
that you do it.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle in Phoenix, Arizona, answering
                    a question on Bush's malpractice reform bill. One of the 
                    five malpractice measures would actually require states to 
                    place a cap of $250,000 on damages for pain and suffering 
                    to avoid a cutoff of federal financing.
                    (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92)

The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough times, and I
want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you,
in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused, then said) Would you
like a puppy?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)

In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get- The Future!
		-- Senator Dan Quayle in eastern Illinois (LA Times 10/19/88)

I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting
season begins at noon.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle to a crowd in Eau Claire, Wisc.
                  (LA Times  10/16/88)

The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle attempting to say the 
                  SF earthquake wreckage was heart-rending     
                  (Newsweek 10/30/89)

I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very 
close, personal, loyal relationship. I'm not, as they say, a potted 
plant in these meetings.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself
                  (Tampa Tribune-Times  1/7/90)

Although in public I refer to him as Mr. Vice President, in private I call
him George... When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him 
George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice 
President, because that's who he is.
		-- Senator Dan Quayle shortly after being named 
                   Geo. Bush's running mate, 8/27/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The NY Times, 8/28/88 )

Sam, had a great time this weekend but the golf was lousey [sic].
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle in a handwritten note 
                   written to Sam Snead in the summer of 1991,
                   after they had played a lousy round of golf.
                   (Herald-Times, Bloomington, IN, July 15, 1992)

I'm glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect
opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to reporter's
                   questions about his use of Air force 2 to
                   go on golf trips at the cost of $26,000/hour

It's not to keep him from running off our property. It's to protect my
putting green.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle telling a guest at his house
                   why his dog, Breezy, wears a special collar that emits
                   a painful jolt of electricity should the dog try to
                   run away. (reported in the NY Daily News, 6/30/92 -
                   taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 92)

[I support efforts] to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially
members of the House and members of the Senate.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/26/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will
never, never surrender to what is right.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to the Christian 
                   Coalition about the need for abstinence to avoid AIDS,
                   11/15/91 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
                   

Maybe you guys will get lucky this year and face the Orioles in the 
World Series.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle encouraging the Milwaukee
                   Brewers after throwing out the opening pitch of the
                   season.  Both teams are in the American League.
                   (5/3/92 Sunday Detroit News)
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From: goldsman@cc.gatech.edu (Michael G. Goldsman)
Date: 3 Nov 92 00:22:56 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,misc.headlines,talk.politics.misc,rec.humor,alt.politics.elections,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton,alt.politics.usa.misc,soc.culture.usa
Subject: The Official Internet Quayle Quote List (Part 2 of 2)

PART 2 OF 2

=======================================================================
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a cure for AIDS in the marketplace
before Magic Johnson gets AIDS?
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/13/91 (CNN)

Are they taking DDT?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at a Manhattan
                   AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice, 4/30/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92, and NY Post early May 92)

We are leaders of the world of the space program.
We have been the leaders of the world of our... of the space program
and we're not going to continue where we're going to go, not withstanding 
the Soviet Union's demise and collapse - the former Soviet Union - we now
have independent republics which used to be called the Soviet Union.
Space is the next frontier to be explored. And we're going to explore.
Think of all the things we relie upon in space today: communications 
from... Japan, detection of potential ballistic missile attacks. Ballistic 
missiles are still here. Other nations do have ballistic missiles. How do
you think we were able to detect some of the Scud missiles and things like 
that?  Space, reconnaissance, weather, communications - you name it. We
use space a lot today.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

What you guys want, I'm for.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle to farmers on a 
                   local pork issue (8/25/88)
                   (from the Book "The Clothes have No Emperor")

Perestroika is nothing more than refined Stalinism.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle (9/04/88)
                   (from the Book "The Clothes have No Emperor")

America is great, because America is free.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they
aren't. I don't know if its the way you say it, or how you look.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I just don't believe in the basic concept that someone should make their
whole career in public service.
		-- Vice President (former senator, former congressman, etc..)
                   Dan Quayle
                   
If you listen to the news, read the news, you'd think we were still
in a recession. Well, we're not in a recession. We've had growth;
people need to know that. They need to be more upbeat, more positive...
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91

Need any help? 
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91 addressing 
                   GM autoworkers in Southgate two weeks before GM 
                   announced 74,000 layoffs

The message of David Duke, is this, basically: Big government, anti-big
government, get out of my pocketbook, cut my taxes, put welfare people
back to work. That's a very popular message. The problem is the messenger.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle 

I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle 

It doesn't help matters when prime time TV has Murphy Brown -- a
character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid,
professional woman -- mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a
child alone, and calling it just another "lifestyle choice."
I know it is not fashionable to talk about moral values, but we need to
do it. Even though our cultural leaders in Hollywood, network TV, the
national newspapers routinely jeer at them, I think that most of us in
this room know that some things are good, and other things are wrong.
Now it's time to make the discussion public.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 
                   Commonwealth Club of San Francisco and criticizing
                   Murphy Brown's decision to NOT have an abortion
                   and to be a single (highly successful) mother, 5/19/92.
                   When told about Quayle's comments, a senior 
                   Bush campaign official replied only "Oh, dear." 
                   Bush's top aid said,  "The world is a lot more complex 
                   than Dan would like to believe"

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Brought to you by Michael Goldsman  goldsman@cc.gatech.edu   copyright 1992
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And for those concerned about children growing up in poverty, we should
know this: marriage is probably the best anti-poverty program of all.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 
                   Commonwealth Club of San Francisco, 5/19/92

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and
the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to
blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the
killings? The killers are to blame. 
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent, in-depth 
                   analysis of the LA riots.  (during the Commonwealth
                   Club speech 5/19/92)

There is one picture on TV I'll never forget - the picture of a man
being pulled from his truck and being beaten to death.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about a LA riot video 
                   tape showing 33-year-old Reginald Denny being beaten 
                   unconscious.  Denny, however, did not die from the attack.
                   (Reported by AP 5/1/92, taken from the Quayle Quarterly,
                   Summer/Fall 1992)

I think especially in her position, a highly successful professional 
woman, it would be a real exception to have an unwed child. 
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to The Chron's Jerry Roberts.

I don't watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his opinions about
                   the TV show "Murphy Brown" [Las Vegas RJ 21 May 92]

The intergenerational poverty that troubles us so much today is 
predominantly a poverty of values.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of
not having it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

You know, before I left, President Bush and I were talking and he said to
me, "I knew Spiro Agnew. I worked with Spiro Agnew. And believe me, you are 
no Spiro Agnew."
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle to those who had compared
                  his attacks on the "cultural elite" to Agnew's 
                  denunciations of "effete intellectuals."
                  (The Los Angeles Daily News, 6/28/92 - taken from the
                  Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

Murphy Brown is doing better than I am.  At least she knows she still 
has a job next year.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92, (reported on KRXX News)

Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue.  Us men are tired 
of losing our women.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about
                   breast cancer

I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning 
to turn around.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters 
                   that the economy was doing better because a 
                   Burger King had a "now hiring" sign in the window.
                   He was campaigning for reelection in Ontario, CA,
                   1/17/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

You have a part-time job, and that's better than no job at all.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the manager of the 
                   Burger King had said that the jobs offered were part-time 
                   minimum wage jobs, which didn't pay enough to live on, 
                   and that "It's hard to find people who want to actually 
                   show up for the job."
           
Ever heard of this theory of "trickle down?"  That's ridiculous. We're
talking about trickling up. We're talking about climbing up the ladder.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle trying to encourage teenage 
                    students in Salinas, California to push themselves in 
                    school. (The Fresno Bee, 5/19/92, taken from The 
                    Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992) 

I'm ready.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle describing his ability
                    to take over the presidency after President Bush vomits
                    and collapses in Tokyo, 1/8/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We're in Florida.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why he
                    had just purchased four peaches (and no citrus 
                    fruits -- for which Florida is famous) at a Publix 
                    supermarket in Oakland Park, Florida. Georgia (which 
                    IS famous for peaches) did not gain from the transaction, 
                    however; the peaches were from Chile. (The Sunstenial)
 
I hope there's some respect and dignity for things I did not do.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle defending himself against 
                   allegations of involvement with Paula Parkinson,
                   8/23/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I feel that this [1981] is my first year, that next year is an
election year, that the third year is the mid point and that the
fourth year is the last chance I'll have to make a record since the
last two years, I'll be a candidate again.  Everything I do in those
last two years will be posturing for the election.  But right now I
don't have to do that.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle 

I don't have to experience tragedy to understand it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle during a photo-op
                   in LA, responding to criticisms that he didn't 
                   understand what it meant to live in the "inner 
                   city." (WRAL 6/23/92)

My position is that I understand from a medical situation, immediately
after a rape is reported, that a woman normally, in fact, can go to the 
hospital and have a D and C.  At that time...  that is before the forming 
of a life.  That is not anything to do with abortion.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle  explaining that Dilatation
                   and Curettage, a form of abortion which occurs 
                   after fertilization, is not really abortion.
                   (the Washington post, 11/03/88)

You're a very strong woman... Though this would be a traumatic experience 
that you would never forget, I think that you would be very successful in
life.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle telling an 11-year-old girl
                   why he would want her to have the baby if she were raped by
                   her father, 10/18/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Add one little bit on the end...  Think of 'potatoe,' how's it spelled?  
You're right phonetically, but what else...?  There ya go... all right!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's
                   correct spelling of the word "potato"  during
                   a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.

I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card.  But 
as Mark Twain once said, "You should never trust a man who has only 
one way to spell a word."
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from 
                   President Andrew Jackson.

I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since
he got his nickname "Stonewall" by vetoing bills passed by Congress.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, confusing Andrew Jackson
		   with Confederate General Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson,
		   who actually got his nickname at the first Battle of
		   Bull Run.

People who Bowl Vote.
Bowlers are not the cultural elite.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a Las Vegas bowling 
                   alley. The Vice President bowled 5 times, and knocked 
                   down 19 pins.  (6/25/92, San Jose Mercury News)
                   The American Bowling Congress projected his score for a 
                   full game to be 76.  The Detroit average for amateur 
                   players is 163 (USA Today, 7/6/92)

I wear their scorn as a badge of honor.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing how he 
                   copes with criticism from the media elite, 6/9/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

It would be a serious mistake to replace a seasoned statesman with a 
temperamental tycoon who has no respect for the constitution.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving his opinion about
                   Ross Perot's presidential campaign (June 1992)

This president is going to lead us out of this recovery. It will happen.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a campaign stop at CA State
                   University, Fresno, 1/17/92
                   (The Quayle Quarterly, Spring/Summer 1992)

We have to do more than just elect a new president if we truly want to   
change this country."                                     
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle         

Absolutely. I certainly hope I am.
              - Vice President Dan Quayle on whether he is still on the 
                Republican ticket. (Newsweek, August 10, 1992.)

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about the Mideast
                   situation, 9/22/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

For NASA, space is still a high priority.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA 
                   employees, 9/5/90  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

[The U.S. victory in Gulf war was] a stirring victory for the 
forces of aggression.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/11/91
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I hope I never have to deal with it. But obviously I would counsel her 
and talk to her and support her on whatever decision she made.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to Larry
                   King's question of how he would react if his 13-year-old
                   daughter chose to have an abortion. (CNN, July 22, 1992)
                   Marilyn Quayle later remarked that her daughter would 
                   "take the child to term."

[Abortion] is not an issue with the American people.  It is a figment 
of your imagination if you think that this is an issue that is talked 
about a lot. 
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters while flying back 
                   to Washington on September 23.  
                   [From the Associated Press 9/24/92]

It's a good Supreme Court. They're lawyers... they're judges...
they're appointed for life.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked about the 
                   verdict in the Supreme Court ruling on the PA abortion
                   law case. (Broadcast on ABC's "Prime Time Live," 
                   August 10, 1992)


I'm not sure I'm up for a "Murphy Brown" appearance yet. I'm not sure
that they want a guest appearance by me either... Well, I'd consider
it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live.
                   He also said that he'd make a guest appearance as long 
                   as his point of view wasn't censored.
                   (CNN, July 22, 1992)

It's sort of like define pornography. You know it when you see one. You
know a cultural elitist when you see one.
[Jim Lehrer: Who are they?]
They know who they are.
[Jim Lehrer: Yes, but WHO ARE they?]
You know and I know.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle describing who he is talking
                   about when he refers to the cultural elite, 6/19/92  
                   The McNeil/Lehrer Report. (taken from the Quayle
                   Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

It shows "us vs. them," and I'm on the "us" side.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining the strategy behind 
                   his twitting of "cultural elites."
                   (The Indianapolis Star, 6/14/92 - taken from the Quayle
                   Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

We have had a number of discussions and, believe me, if I thought I was 
hurting the ticket, I'd be gone.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live when asked
                   if he'd offered to remove himself from the ticket,
                   (CNN, July 22, 1992)

I just have one thing to say:  Murphy, you owe me!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after Candice Bergan won an
                   Emmy for her role as Murphy Brown

[KTLA a.m. co-anchor Barbara Beck, "So, what's your favorite TV program?"]
Murphy Brown on KTLA/Channel 5--not!
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle in a television commercial
                    for KTLA's Murphy Brown reruns. 
                    (reported in the San Jose Mercury News, 9/10/92)

Hollywood is the stronghold of the adversary culture. It is on the other
side of the cultural divide from Huntington, and they don't like it when
someone from Huntington, with Midwestern values, challenges their
so-called moral authority.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle, while campaigning in 
                    Kansas City, MO,  9/2
                    (reported by the NY times, 9/3/92)

You smile discreetly, you look like you're enjoying yourself, like
you're ready to get down to serious business. You've got to be careful
what you say.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle,  on how to act in 
                   front of the press.

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

This isn't a man who is leaving with his head between his legs
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing John Sununu's
                   resignation and apparent lack of flexibility, 12/6/91

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that
Dan Quayle may or may not make.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle, in a speech to the American
                    Society of Newspaper Editors, April 1991

We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the
mistakes we may or may not have made.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle, (USA Today 4/22/92 - taken
                    from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, regarding David Duke's 
                   candidacy, 10/12/90, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I'm not so sure that I will miss Johnny Carson, but Johnny Carson will 
miss me.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in the Houston
                   Chronicle, 5/22/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, 
                   Summer/Fall 1992)

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Brought to you by Michael Goldsman  goldsman@cc.gatech.edu   copyright 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was just a job.  It wasn't any special interest in consumer affairs.  
I needed a paycheck and the Attorney General said that I would be best 
to go down there, because he knew I was anti-consumer.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle and talking about his job as 
                   Chief investigator, consumer protection division of the 
                   Indiana Attorney General's office from 1970-1971

Our future competitiveness demands that true environmentalists and
responsible leaders not allow the well-intentioned concerns of the 
American public to be manipulated and exploited as a means to re-establish
unnecessary regulatory, economic and social controls.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I take my children hiking and fishing, walking in the woods.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle offering proof of his 
                   commitment to the environment during the VP
                   debate, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The National Academy of Sciences says that this level [40 MPG] 
is not even technically achievable.  
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle arguing against suggestions 
                   to raise fuel efficiency standards for American automobiles.
                   But Richard A. Meserve, who served as the chairman of 
                   the academy's study on fuel efficiency, said that Mr. 
                   Quayle had misunderstood a report by the academy that had 
                   discussed whether cars that efficient would be attractive 
                   to American buyers.  (New York Times, 8/29/92)

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in 
our air and water that are doing it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well, they put people
first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or
some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority.
Obviously, you take the bald eagle and things of that sort, of course 
you're going to make sure that they are saved and that they can live and 
you're going to take every precaution that you can.  But others---we just 
need a little flexibility.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his lambasting of 
                   Democrats on the Spotted Owl/ Endangered Species issue.
                   (In an interview on Prime Time Live, August 10, 1992. 
                    Reported in the NY Times, August 12, 1992)

Our values are creating jobs in America.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle answering Chris Wallace's 
                   question: "[The Council on Competitiveness] has made it 
                   easier for businesses to exceed pollution levels, it has 
                   delayed regulations on aircraft noise, it has weakened 
                   regulations to make apartment buildings more accessible to 
                   wheelchairs. Are those your values?"
                   (ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)

We lead in exporting jobs.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle committing a Freudian slip while 
                   speaking to the Chamber of Commerce of Evansville, Indiana,
                   a city which lost 4 large companies in the last four years.
                   He quickly changed the word "jobs" to "products."
                   (NY Newsday 7/26/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly,
                   Summer/Winter, 1992)

My grandfather... saw where inherited wealth ruined people. And my
grandfather was right.
                -- Vice-President Dan Quayle giving an analysis of his 
                   own situation: he has a half-million dollars
                   worth of his family's newspaper stock holdings.
                   (ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)

Life has been very good to me.  I never had to worry about where I was
going to go.  But I do say, 'Dan, you know, sometime in life there's
going to be a tragedy.' There was never anything where 'I've got to work 
really hard to get there ...'
                -- Senator Dan Quayle engaging in self-reflection while on the 
                   campaign trail. (reported in the Washington Post, 10/10/88)

I didn't pay a lot of attention as I should have in college.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

I've heard people say that [I have a short attention span].  I don't feel
I do, because when I'm interested in something I'll stay in focus as long
as it is necessary ... If you get off on something I'm not very interested
in, it's very easy for me to block it out.  It's easy for me to block
things out.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12-JAN-92
 
[The book, "The Satanic Verses"] is obviously not only offensive but,
I would think most of us would say, in bad taste.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle commenting on the book
                   which caused Salman Rushdie to be placed under a death
                   sentence.  The Vice-President had not read the book, 3/16/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Great American sport.  Horseshoes is a very great game. I love it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/5/89 
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We will move forward, we will move upward, and yes, we will move onward.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to a group of students at
                   a Chicago school,  4/24/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I am now cashing in on being vice president for others.  They'll remember me.
I'll remember them.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

One thing we're able to do is raise money.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on the Republican Party

[I will describe] where I come from and what kind of a house I lived in 
when I was a kid, how many public schools that I went to - five elementary,
two high schools - product of a public school system, two jobs in college,
went to night school, worked my way through law school.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle telling an interviewer how
                   he will use his acceptance speech at the Republican 
                   Convention to reintroduce himself to the public, and
                   to provide details of his hard-working background.
                    (reported in the NY Times 8/15/92)

   When you start talking about sleaze, I think some in the media ought to 
look in the mirror. Now what's the motivation of this? I can't think of
any other motivating factor other than you want to hurt the President and
help Bill Clinton.
   There's good journalism and there's bad journalism. And I want to say 
something to you good journalists. You are being overwhelmed by the bad
journalism and the bad journalists of America.
   Good journalism is taking a rumor, taking gossip and going out and 
investigating it and finding out if it's true, and if there's any credibility
at all.  And when you find something like this that was investigated and
was totally false, you don't print it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a news conference in 
                   Huntington Beach, CA, defending George Bush against
                   charges of marital infidelity.
                   (reported in the NY Times 8/13/92)

I was a less than serious student in college.  If I had it to do over again,
I would be far more serious.  I did play a lot of golf.  But I don't think
that's any reflection on my ability to lead this nation.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
       
Looking back, I should have pursued philosophy and economics and things of
that sort in college more, but I didn't.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

[I got into law school] through an experimental Indiana University program 
intended to offer 'equal opportunity' to minorities, the economically 
disadvantaged and other students of different viewpoints and backgrounds.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

Let us get through this week. Let us get through the debate or debates.
Let us see George Bush re-elected this November. And then we'll talk 
about 1994.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked by Bernard Shaw if
                   Bush/Quayle victory in 1992 would make him the heir 
                   apparent in 1996, 8/17/92, on CNN. (A NY Times article
                   started: "No Comment Yet On Strategy for '94. But will
                   it be a good year for potatoes?" It then went on to 
                   speculate that Kemp, Baker, Bennett and Buchanan won't 
                   be running in '94)

Tobacco exports should be expanded aggressively because Americans 
are smoking less.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1990 (reported by IPS, 8/14/92)

This is not a bipartisan issue.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle noting that Democrats 
                   and political independents join Republicans in 
                   endorsing term limits, while speaking before supporters
                   of term-limitation proposals in 15 states, 8/20/92
                   (reported in the NY Times, 8/21/92)

For more than a month the media have been telling us that Bill Clinton and 
Al Gore are "moderates."  Well, if they're moderates, I'm a world champion 
speller.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in his acceptance
                   speech during the 1992 Republican National Convention,
                   8/20/92.

We will never give Bill Clinton the opportunity to be the President of the 
United States. 
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle (9/19/92)

We are doing the right thing and we do not see the bad things.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle pretending he is one of the
                   wise monkeys.

We shouldn't have to be burdened with all the technicalities that
come up from time to time with shrewd, smart lawyers interpreting
what the laws or what the Constitution may or may not say.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle, addressing a police 
                    academy in Knoxville, Tennessee in August 1992
                    (from the AP wire)

Most women do not want to be liberated from their essential natures as women.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle, while campaigning in 
                    Kansas City, MO,  9/2/92
                    (reported in the NY times, 9/3/92)

My viewpoint is that it's more of a choice than a biological situation...
I think it is a wrong choice.  It is a wrong; it is a wrong choice.
I do believe in most cases it certainly is a choice.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle discussing his views on
                    homosexuality while on "This Week with David Brinkley"  
                    9/13/92. (reported in the San Francisco Chronicle, 9/14/92)

If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us.
[a reporter then asked him what he meant by that]
That's for you to figure out.
                 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle answering a reporter's question 
                    on what the effect might be if Perot re-entered the race.  
                    He was campaigning in Rockford, Ill., 9/29/92.
                    The Vice-President later clarified the remark saying that
                    Perot will raise issues about the economy, and this is
                    one of the President's strengths.
                    (reported in the NY Times, 9/30/92)

He grew up in Washington, D.C., and he's the son of a wealthy U.S.  Senator...
He went to the most expensive private schools in Washington, D.C., and I'm 
the product of the public schools...  I'm at a big disadvantage, but we'll 
do all right.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle while in Detroit, 9/30/92
                   A spokesman later said that he was joking.               
                   (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer 10/1/92):

[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle on the concept of a 
                   manned mission to Mars.

Our trick, Rush - not a trick, our challenge - our challenge is to make the
American people comfortable with the leadership George Bush will offer in 
the next four years.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, on the Rush Limbaugh show.
                   (Reported in the NY Times, 7/8/92 - from the Quayle
                   Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992) 

   If you elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore that would be a disaster for
agriculture.  What Bill Clinton says he'll do, well, I'll tell you what 
I'm going to do is to give a lot of balance to the interest here in California.
What we would have is an environmental summit, and guess who's going to be the
head of that enironmental summit? It's not going to be the Governor of
Arkansas. He's going to put Senator Al Gore in charge of the environmental
summit and his book will be the agenda for that environmental summit.
  I hope everyone reads that book.  We wanted to take that book to our debate, 
but for some reason Al Gore didn't want us to have the book in the debate 
because we wanted to make sure everyone knew what was in that book.  Because
that's the agenda for Bill Clinton.  That's the agenda of the Clinton-Gore
administration. Here's what he says about farmers.  Here's what he says 
about agriculture in that book.  He says that farmers strip-mine the land.
He says that agriculture is in fact bulldozing the Garden of Eden.  Well I
tell you what, if you elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore you can say goodbye to
water, goodbye to food, and goodbye to your jobs. But come November the 3'rd,
the American people are going to say good-bye to Bill Clinton and Al Gore.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle in a speech to farmers outside
                   Fresno, California on 10/7/92.
                   (reported in the NY Times 10/8/92)

[David Broder: Doesn't that sound like a case where the public is
getting shafted and there may be a need for local regulation or F.C.C.
regulation?]
Yeah. There is F.C.C. regulation. There is regulation.
[There's not control of rates or service.]
That's true, but there is ----
[Well, tell me in simple terms that people can understand: Why shouldn't 
they be regulated?]
O.K., simple terms, here's the choice. Here's the choice in simple
terms. Are you going to try to constrain the price increase through
regulation or through genuine competition? Our preference is to do it
through genuine competition.
[But there isn't genuine competition.]
That's right. Because you have -- but the cities that grant these
things can certainly be more competitive and have more openness if
they're ----
[So your suggestion is that they go out and have two or three
different companies wire these communities to get competition?]
I'm not going to get into the micromanagement of the cable industry.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on NBC's "Meet the Press"
                   9/20/92, defending the administration's opposition
                   to the cable-tv reregulation bill.
                   (reported in the NY Times 10/7/92)

We have been pushing the idea that George Bush is going to make matters 
much, much worse.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle in a interview on CBS's 
                   this Morning. (reported by the Star-Ledger, 10/28/92)

Take a breath, Al... Inhale.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle politely cutting off Senator Al 
                   Gore during the VP Debate in Atlanta, 10/13/92.

Bill Clinton's tax-and-spend policies will create a recession in America.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in New Jersey, 10/19/92.
                   He did not go on to distinguish between the predicted
                   Clinton recession and the current Bush recession.
                   (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer, 10/20/92)

Remember the last time we had a Democratic president and a Democratic 
Congress? Remember the 21 percent interest rates?  Remember the inflation of 
13 percent?  Remember the grain embargo?  Remember the Soviet Union invasion 
of Afghanistan?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in New Jersey to a crowd of
                   teenagers, 10/19/92.  During the Carter administration, 
                   these teenagers were probably more interested in diapers 
                   and baby formula than in economics and foreign policy.  
                   (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer, 10/20/92)

You can't just walk into a store and buy a gun.  There's all sorts of
registration, there are all sorts of state laws.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle after criticizing Michael Dukakis 
                   for the Massachusetts furlough program. Quayle was soon 
                   informed that indeed in many states a person could just 
                   walk into a store and buy a gun.  
                    in the NY Times, 8/27/88)

That's solid.  There, you see how much I learned.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle when when visiting a welding 
                   class at a vocational school in Union, Missouri. He welded 
                   two scraps of metal together to demonstrate how much he 
                   had learned while in the National Guard.
                   (reported in the NY Times, 10/25/88)

We have been pushing the idea George Bush is going to make matters much, 
much worse by holding the line on taxes, a balanced budget amendment...
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle while on "CBS This Morning," 
                   10/27/92. (reported in the Chicago Tribune, 10/28/92)

The President scores much better than Bill Clinton.
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle, comparing Bush's record of 
                  marital infidelity to Clinton's during a televised interview
                  with David Frost, 10/92.

It was a good campaign contribution to Bill Clinton, but he gets a lot of 
contributions from Hollywood.  We're making great progress with Hollywood. 
I am convinced because of my speech of several months ago on the poverty of 
values in this country that Hollywood will begin to reflect our values better.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle, when asked about the season 
                   opener of the television sitcom, "Murphy Brown," while
                   ay the Texas Medical Center in Houston.
                   (Reported by UPI, 9/92)

If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day.  But if you train 
a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a job training
                   center in Atlanta celebrating the 10'th anniversary
                   of the Job Training Partnership Act, which Quayle helped
                   to sponsor while a senator, 10/13/92.
                   (reported in the NY Times, 10/14/92).

[Republican supporter: You did great, Dan, great.  There's just one thing.  
 This abortion thing.  You've got to realize that the Democratic position --]
Is extreme? (nodding in anticipation)
[No, is supported by 72 percent of the people in this country.  
 You've got to drop it, Dan.]
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle while standing on the stage after 
                  the VP debate taking the congratulations of well-wishing 
                  Republicans, 10/13/92.  Quayle then nodded politely and 
                  moved on. (reported in the NY Times 10/14/92)

My opponent knows less about national defense than I know about spelling.
Even I know it's Cruise missiles, not Patriot missiles that go through
doors and chimneys.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a Bill Clinton 
                   misstatement,  9/92. (seen on CNN; the CNN anchorwoman 
                   corrected Quayle when the story was over.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan Quayle had a trip planned to Beijing, but was worried because of
the turmoil at that end. His security advisor however informed him that
it was pretty safe for D.Q. as, "They are only harassing intellectuals."

Republican activist Dana Reed said he was amused recently when he received
an unsolicited certificate of commendation signed by Vice President
Dan Quayle.  The honor was awarded to Reed as "a champion of the traditional
American values of family, faith, hard work and morality."  Reed quipped,
"I'm twice-divorced and "Murphy Brown" is my favorite TV show"
(reported July, 92 by the Orange County Register)

On 10/11/88 Dan Quayle held a pumpkin next to his head.
(reported in Esquire 8/92)

On 6/13/89, Dan Quayle posed in El Salvador holding a grenade launcher.  
Unbeknown to him, it was aimed at his elbow.
(reported in Esquire 8/92)

Quayle was very enthusiastic about signing author Tom Clancy to the National 
Space Council as an unpaid consultant (see his quote re: Red Storm Rising).  
Clancy, however, was not Quayle's first choice; that honor went to famed 
aviator Clutch Cargo.  A plan to approach him and offer him the position was 
scuttled when it was discovered that Mr. Cargo is a fictional character.  
(reported in The New Republic, 7/3/89)

During the White House Easter Egg Roll of 1991, Quayle signed autographs
using only his finger. He had prepared pre-signed cards which his aides
handed out while he made signing gestures. This allowed him to move briskly 
and efficiently through the crowd, said his spokesman.

Dan Quayle, in April 1991, was concerned that his advisors
may be getting out of touch with "Real Americans." In order
to combat this, he suggested that they read People magazine.

On 8/13/91 lawyer Dan Quayle tells the American Bar Association that the 
US has too many lawyers.  He is quickly scolded by another speaker.
(reported in Esquire 8/92)

While discussing the terms of the vice-presidential debate, Quayle's side
suggested that "props" be allowed, mainly because the Vice-President 
wanted to read directly from Al Gore's book on the environment, 
"Earth in the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit." Gore's people agreed, 
saying that the Senator would then use a potato as a prop. Quayle quickly 
abandoned the proposal.  (reported in The NY Times, 10/6/92)
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Brought to you by Michael Goldsman  goldsman@cc.gatech.edu   copyright 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

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